Dumb & Dumber

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May 3, 2006, 4:46:31 PM5/3/06

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Dumb & Dumber
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· A medical student was doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison
control center. A woman called in very upset because she caught her
little daughter eating ants. The medical student quickly reassured her
that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her
daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the
conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant
poison to eat in order to kill the ants. The student told the mother
that she better bring her daughter in to the Emergency room right away.
· Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the field decided
to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in
getting it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on
the river, they were quite surprised by a Coast Guard helicopter coming
towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the
emergency locator that is automatically activated when the raft is
inflated. They are no longer employed there.
· A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later
received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead
of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several
days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another
picture of handcuffs.
· A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there
was a car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone
and told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper
and wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was
arrested.
· Drug possession defendant Christopher Jansen, on trial in March in
Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The
prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in
Christopher's jacket could have been a gun. "Nonsense," said
Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in
court. He handed it over so the judge could see it. The judge
discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he
required a five-minute recess to compose himself.
· Oklahoma City: Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of
a convenience store in a district court when he fired his lawyer.
Assistant District Attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a
fair job of defending himself until the store manager testified that
Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and
then said, "I should have blown your (expletive) head off." the
defendant paused, then quickly added, "If I'd been the one that was
there." The jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommended a 30
year sentence.
· R. C. Gaitlan, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were
showing their squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit
neighborhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officer asked
him for identification. Gaitlan gave them his drivers license, they
entered it into the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlan
because information on the screen showed Gaitlan was wanted for a two
year old armed robbery in St. Louis, MO.
· A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded
all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a
bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the
counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well,
but the cashier refused and said "Because I don't believe you are over
21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to
him because he didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his
driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk
looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put
the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his
loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and
address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the
robber two hours later.
· A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner
moved, it startled the first bandit and he shot his accomplice.

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