A Classic Fast Larry Guninger Fantasy

[StinkFist]

Being a VIP as the Playboy Club....

"BUMPER POOL - This was a very popular game in the 50’s and 60’s and a
lot of people had these tables because they were cheap. The pool table
Makers of the day were making only commercial grade tables and did not
see any need to offer home rec tables at that time. A bumper pool
table will fit into every room. People began to call the rubber or
cushions, bumpers. That flags you as a newbie who knows nothing.
Always call the rubber cushions and the green stuff on the table
cloth, it is not Felt, it is the same cloth as your business suit is
made out of.

Finding bumper pool tables today is quite easy. All the pool table
show rooms usually have them on display. To see what a table looks
like and how it is played pick up a BCA rule book and the game and
rules and table diagram is all in there for you.

The tables were square like a regular pool table but smaller in size
than a bar box, they were like 3x6 perhaps, I am not sure but that’s a
good guess. I can order one like that but it’s expensive and there is
only 2 people making them. One is junk, the other one is quality and
being a commercial grade table it has a premium price.

Most of the bumper pool tables sold today is round and 3 way tables,
which fit in your rec room nicely, you have a regular table top and it
then converts to bumper pool, black jack or roulette, it’s just too
cool.

A pool hall I play at has one of the old bumper pool tables in a far
corner, the rectangle design. He lets the young kids play on it free
when they come in with their parents which are a cool idea. Seeing
them in pool halls is very rare today.


I have 5 white balls on my end and you have 5 reds. We both bank our
first ball in front of the hole and I make mine every time, same on
the next two. When I am really on and practiced on a nice table that
is level I am unbeatable. It becomes like tic tack toe, all you can do
is go 5 and out with me and tie me, you can not beat me. As these
tables are always cheaply made and constructed you never find such a
table and making the 2 wide balls then becomes iffy. I am then going
to make the first 4 and lag and miss the 5th ball but leave it in
scoring position. If you are behind you can have guts and try and bank
out on me but the smart move it to cut my ball in the corner and bank
your ball down table where it is hidden by the bumpers. The less balls
make on the opening banks means the more defensive the game now
becomes and involves shooting the opponents ball inside the center
bumpers and banking off of them into the hole as well which is where
the real winning skill of the game is at.
Being able to score from safe position banking off of bumpers.

I leaned how to first play as a kid on one of these, we had one in the
house. That was my first table and when I got bigger all I did was run
5 and out, 5 and out on you. My dad would take me to a real pool hall
when he could but I learned how to hold the cue and bank on this
table. I am now one of the top 10 greatest bankers of all time and I
credit that to those early years on the bumper pool table.

In the early 60's they had one of these in every playboy club in the
country and I created havoc with the bunnies, taking out every one in
over 20 cities. You paid a buck to play and if you beat the bunny 3
times in a row you got your name engraved on a plaque which said above
it.
VENI VIDI VICI, Latin for “I came, I saw, I conquered. When Julius
Caesar had his first major battle victory he sent that message to the
Senate. Most of the patrons in the play boy club were drunk as a skunk
when the bunny came on duty at 9pm and were so taken by staring at her
boobs about to pop out of her skin tight out fit they were so
distracted they could not play with their tongues hanging out. In the
mid 60’s this was the most risqué thing there was.

You could go to the Burlesque house but even there the girls had on
pasties and that place was considered sinful like a whorie house. The
playboy club was respectable. Topless would not happen until the late
60’s in San Francisco North beach. Seeing a little booby back then
drove all the boys wild. The bunnies would hustle you by letting you
win a game, and then they win one but would never let you win 3 and
get on that plaque. Not one plaque ever filled up and in fact most had
fewer than 10 names on them after years of play.

Being a real pool hustler with papers at the time but working for a
corporation I wore a suit during the day time and was a member of the
club which did not want blue collar pool bums. If you had a credit
card, Carte Blanche or American Express card you were in. It was for
upper class business men, it was a very high class joint.

I walk in with a very expensive suit on and tie, buy a scotch, they
served them with these tall black or white stirrers with bunnies head
on top. I would walk into the bathroom with my drink, splash the booze
all over my face and neck so I smelled and reeked like a real drunk
and made my way up to the pool bunny. I am of course sober as a judge.
I give her my best drunk act and she lets me have game one. Game two
she is still hustling me but I come on at the end and drop her 2-0.
Most still have not made me yet and most thought I just got lucky.
Even when the smart ones made me, we were now playing a race to one
for the plaque and I had them right where I wanted them. I now ran 5
and out or 4 in a row and usually banked out when they safed me. They
knew I hustled them but it was too late.

I had heard the bunny at the Chicago Headquarters was the one who
trained them all and eventually these pool bunnies come home and she
hears about me, the guy who is now on every plaque in every city, the
only guy to have done that. Having my credit card they must have
checked me out and found out I was a world class pool hustler and
player and probably got my picture to her. The original playboy club
in downtown Chicago is still there and is the HQ of the ERA, the
electronic reps association which I used to be an officer in.

When I showed up in Chicago they must have made me as soon as I gave
them my card for entry. I bet my name and who I was came up. Somebody
runs over to the big bunny and tells her, he’s here, he’s coming for
you. I stagger up to the table and watch her hustle the drunks barely
beating the bozos. I looked at her plaque and was used to seeing 8 to
10 names on it, hers had none. I went to myself tonight I bust this
ho’s cherry. When I get my turn and walked up she glares at me with
snake eyes.
I knew right then the bitch had me cold. She knew this was the big one
she had been waiting for, the world championship of bumper pool, who
would be king or queen of that game. I just dropped the drunken act
and said you’re going down. She said we will see about that.

She was playing all out from the get go. I opened with a 5 and out and
she matched it and we did that 3 times in a row.
Several times I had her 2-0 but could not get 3 in a row. Where she
beat me was her fantastic banking off of those bumpers. She could 2
rail into a bumper and pot. The chick has shots perfected I had not
even seen before.
I played her all night long and finally give up and left. She was just
too good, unbeatable. At the end of the session I had won the most
games between us by a narrow margin but that meant nothing, I had to
take her 3 in a row and she would rather die than allow that.
When I was going out the door, the manger was there to open it for me
and I said to him, that broad shoots one mean ass stick. He said tell
me about it, Danny D and Willie Mosconi were both in here last month
and she dropped both of them and give me this big over smile all teeth
grin. I said, I’ll be back for da big bunny. He said, she will be
waiting.

I came back and played her several more times and this time carried in
my Rambo with me and the result was the same each time. My name never
got on her plaque; it was a thing of pride with her which I of course
admired to see any one doing or playing any game better than any one
on Earth. Somebody had to be the best and she was. I finally met my
match."