Fwd: Fw: [rbichennaifriends] handling disappointments
mohanrao.kalive
From: Sri Rama Sarma Yadavally <eess...@gmail.com>
Date: 24 Jul 2019 18:26
Subject: Fwd: Fw: [rbichennaifriends] handling disappointments
To: mohanrao Kalive <mohanra...@gmail.com>, Narasimhamurthy YVL <yensimha...@gmail.com>, "Y. Viswanath" <viswa...@gmail.com>, yrajya...@yahoo.com
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From: sridharan ap <sreedh...@yahoo.com>
Date: Wed, Jul 24, 2019 at 10:09 AM
Subject: Fw: [rbichennaifriends] handling disappointments
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----- Forwarded Message -----From: "vathsala jayaraman vath...@yahoo.com [rbichennaifriends]" <rbichennaifr...@yahoogroups.com>Sent: Tue, Jul 23, 2019 at 11:10 PMSubject: [rbichennaifriends] handling disappointmentsRecently there has been some discussions reg worry andsuffering and whether Jesus was actually worried before crucification.We are not here to talk about Jesus whether he felt like a normal human being when death was approaching him.But for normal human beings worry and anxiety are different though they are used interchangeably.We tend to experience worry in our heads and anxiety both in body and mind..Worry is verbally focused while anxiety includes verbal thoughts and mental imagery.
This difference is important, as emotional mental images such as those associated with anxiety provoke a much greater cardiovascular response than emotional verbal thoughts (such as those associated with worry). This is another reason why we experience anxiety throughout the body.
Worry can lead us to think about solutions and strategies for dealing with a given situation. Anxiety may not lead us to productive solutions.Worry tends to be a temporary state..
But anxiety can make us feel so restless, uncomfortable, and incapable of concentrating that we might literally feel too distressed to work.
In certain intensities and duration, anxiety is considered a true mental disorder, one that requires psychological treatment and/or medication.Anxiety has three main components: emotional, physiological, and cognitive.Suppose we have an important interview.The normal fear is worry.But if it is followed by sweating, pulpitations etc, it is physiological .But the helpless diffident feeling , “I can’t do it,” or “I’m going to embarrass myself.” and negative thoughts relate to the cognitive component. So, while worry is an important part of anxiety, it is only one of the three main building blocks.Anxiety in itself is not bad. Normal levels of anxiety lie on one end of a spectrum and may present as low levels of fear or apprehension, mild sensations of muscle tightness and sweating, or doubts about your ability to complete a task. Importantly, symptoms of normal anxiety do not negatively interfere with daily functioning.
They may actually improve your attention and problem-solving, motivate you to work harder toward a goal, or warn you about a potential threat. For example, anxiety about an upcoming exam will likely drive you to prepare fully.Clinical levels of anxiety fall toward the other end of the spectrum. Diagnosable anxiety disorders occur when anxiety levels rise enough to rapidly decrease performance and cause impairment.
Many people successfully work through their disappointments. Somehow, they have the strength to take stock of what has happened to them, learn from the incident, and move on. They come out of such disappointments stronger. But others struggle. How can we learn to manage our disappointments effectively?"Expectation is the root of all heartache.”
Given the convoluted nature of desire, there are no experiences that are entirely free of disappointment. This is what makes disappointment such a complex and confusing feeling.
Paradoxically, we may even become disappointed when we get what we want. Psychologists often talk of people wrecked by success.Unconsciously, these people believe that their success was unjustified, so achieving it didn’t feel satisfying to them. In other cases, even when we do get what we want — and think we deserve it — we may discover that what we wanted so badly doesn’t bring the expected bliss and happiness.Some people seek to avoid disappointment by turning into underachievers. They unconsciously set the bar low and avoid taking risks, to prevent themselves or others from being disappointed. Without realizing it, they have decided that the best strategy is not to have high expectations about anything. Such behavior turns into a form of self-preservation. However, it also leads to a mediocre and unfulfilled life. Ironically, these people who boast of managing disappointmemts often turn into disappointments for everyone, including themselves.Others, following a very different trajectory, seek to avoid disappointment by becoming overachievers. Although they tell themselves that their expectations of perfection are appropriate and realistic, these presumptions turn out not to be true at all. The bar is set far too high to ever make whatever they want to achieve attainable. Mothers' ambition to admit their wards 'into IIT' only,belongs to this category and the children unable to fulfill the highly set expectation are driven to the extreme.They forget that perfectionism rarely begets perfection, or satisfaction — instead, it too often leads to disappointment.
Of course, there are also people with a more balanced developmental history. These people usually had parents who didn’t try to be perfect, and didn’t expect their children to be perfect either. By being “good enough” parents, they created a secure base for their children. These children feel secure in their relationships, supported rather than controlled, and are able to play, explore, and learn, thereby acquiring the inner strength to cope constructively with the inevitable setbacks that will come their way in their journey through life.Perhaps this is a well balanced attitude.
Many people, when faced with disappointment, tend to attribute negative life events to their personal failings. They resort to obsessional self-blaming, as they feel ashamed or humiliated of not measuring up to the image of their ideal self. As a result, they direct their anger inward, to themselves. It may prompt them to say that they deserved it, that they were not good enough. Others, however, will turn their anger outward toward others, to people who didn’t fulfill their expectations. It will contribute to feelings of spite, vindictiveness, and bitterness.Unfortunately, both emotional reactions keep the person stuck in a web of disappointment. In many instances, disappointment can turn into a lingering sadness — a feeling of loss, of being let down, or even of betrayal. In particular,
Some instances of disappointment are predictable and preventable. But there are others that are unavoidable and beyond our control. To manage disappointment, we need to differentiate between situations that fall within our control and factors that are beyond it. Being able to recognize the difference will help us to deal with our frustrations more appropriately.
We also need to check whether our expectations are reasonable. Are we having unrealistically high expectations, and thus aiming too high? Or are we setting our goals too low? If you belong to that group of people who set their expectations too high, working constructively through disappointments may help you to modify expectations. You may learn to move away from perfectionistic standards; you may start to accept what is “good enough.” For those who have set the bar too low, what they should stop doing is hanging on to false beliefs about life like, “There is no more hope” or “Nothing ever works for me.” Avoiding disappointment is not possible in life; trying to do so is not a very constructive way of dealing with life’s challenges.
When disappointment occurs regularly, it may be advisable to reevaluate our perceptions and behaviors. We can examine whether we are inviting disappointment. Could we have been clearer in our communication of what we were expecting from others? Do we really know what we expect from ourselves? Are we listening to what others are saying to us? Could we have done something different to arrive at a different outcome? Also, given what we know about ourselves, how can we adjust our expectations to be more effective the next time? And what support and resources do we have at our disposal to help us move through our feelings of disappointment successfully?
Disappointment is not meant to destroy us. If taken in stride, it can strengthen us and make us better. In spite of its devastating emotional impact, we may even consider encounters with disappointment as journeys toward greater insight and wisdom.Vathsala Jayaraman-M 170__._,_.___
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