Beyond Mars And Venus Pdf

[Cristy Borovetz]

MelanieAvalon: Hi, friends. Welcome back to the show. I am so incredibly excited about the conversation that I am about to have. I know on this show, we often dive into a lot of "biohacking topics." So, diet, health, fitness, things like that. I haven't had a lot of episodes on relationships and interpersonal relationships. So, I'm so, so honored to be here with basically the author of the bestselling relationship book series of all time. That is John Gray. He is the author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. I'm sure, everybody is super, super familiar with his work. But if you are not, he has written over 20 books. In preparation, I read about four or five of them. I have so many notes here. But he's been all over the place. Oprah, Dr. Oz, Today, CBS, Good Morning America and his work has truly changed the lives of I assume, thousands of people. So, Dr. Gray or John, thank you so much for being here.

John Gray: John's fine. Such a pleasure to spend this time with you. I really like biohackers. Actually, I even have a health food store online with all the different supplements and everything for the brain. I had early-stage Parkinson's 25 years ago, and with natural supplements, completely reversed it. And created a whole clinic and using all-natural supplements for everything. Amazon put me out of business because they're selling stuff at the same price, I buy it for. So, I couldn't sell that anymore. So, anyway, I still have my wellness guide for people like some recommendations of supplements. But today, I will be talking about I think, relationships. And ultimately, I think, relationships are the ultimate biohacking guide. People in the ancient days could live for hundreds of years and express their potential at that time. These would be the masters who figured out sexual energy, relationship energy, and we all can do that today.

Ever since I started really applying myself with my meditation, and the quality of relationship, and the quality of sex, I actually haven't felt the need for any med supplements. [laughs] I just eat real, of course, I eat real food. I stay away from processed foods. I just eat things that are all natural and real. But I have more vitality and energy, and I used to even say in the old days that I was taking all these supplements, because I'm traveling all the time. And anything you eat in the restaurant is junk food. Anything you eat in the restaurant is junk food, and putting bad hormones into your body, throwing your hormones out of balance, causing you to age. But we can learn some relationship tips today that are total biohacking.

Melanie Avalon: Honestly, one of the best, because I listened to so many podcasts, and one of the best interviews I ever heard was when you were on Dave Asprey, who I've also had on the show as well. The things you talked about were just really, honestly mind blowing, and actually, so, a huge question I have for you is, for me, I've actually, I've never been in an exclusive romantic relationship. When I tell people that, I don't know, they give me really strange looks. But you actually were a celibate monk for like nine years or so?

John Gray: Yeah, in my 20s. That was also biohacking. I experienced the ecstasies of a super advanced meditator put it that way. Now, I'm a master meditator. I meditate six to eight hours a day on average. At time where most people are sleeping. So, it's not like, I'm just meditating all day. [laughs] But it's effortless, easy for me. It's hard work, though. It's a part of who I am in terms of biohacking. But it's not enough. Meditation isn't enough. It takes you to a certain level. But for me, I know the power of semen retention because I never masturbated from 19 to 28. Certainly, as a kid, I love sex. I mean I'm a healthy sex addict, so to speak. [laughs] it's like almost every day. But I do it in a way that'll have semen retention for men. And that allows women to be multi-orgasmic without any techniques.

You see, what happens is for women, they lose interest in sex with their partners quite commonly, because each time men have sex, they ejaculate, which means he pulls away. So, at a time where she has peaked in her estrogen levels, and women need 20 times more estrogen than men to be orgasmic. They need 10 times more estrogen than men just to be happy. Whereas men need 10 times, 20 times more testosterone in order to sustain attraction to the same woman. But what happens is, it's a biological response is that, when you have sex with somebody, there's the recovery period, where you just can't suddenly get it up. So, here's this guy who was completely focused on you enjoying sex with you, loving you, and then, suddenly, he disappears. That's where you kind of roll over and go somewhere else. Well, that affects her on a condition level. That's called conditioning. The foundation of psychology is that conditioning that takes place when something happens which isn't positive, we will naturally start to avoid that in the future.

Now, if you practice your sexual energy correctly, you can do what's called Counter Conditioning. So, if every time she opens her heart to you and has an orgasm, and you pull away, that's conditioning, which teaches her don't open up that much, because he's going to pull away. This is all just biological in the body. So, then if he goes, this is what the science tells us. If you go for six days, men without ejaculating, then, on that seventh day, when you have sex, your testosterone levels will be-- Actually, when you wake up in the morning even, you'll have testosterone levels 50% higher than your normal level. That is called Counter Conditioning, which is what allows women to open their hearts in the first place is that, men's high testosterone levels. And we also have research on that is it when men's testosterone levels peak, we put out smell pheromones that activates a woman's estrogen response and helps to raise her estrogen back up.

You know if you're still having sex where you ejaculate, that's the next step up is having lots of sex, but not ejaculating. But you're still ejaculating as a man, that's a heavy-duty addiction without a doubt. Then, what happens is, you ejaculate, there's always going to be that conditioning, which is why we see throughout society that couples stop having sex. You think, your parents had great sex after 10 years [laughs] doubtful, and if they did, she was doing it for him rarely. That's the traditional relationships where they lose interest in sex. That's why so many wealthy men would have affairs because they had to take a-- The woman didn't mind as long as he took good care of his wife, he did it discreetly, her needs were taken care of. She didn't mind him spending, fulfilling the needs of other women, which is like you'd see in France. The President of France dies, and there's the mistress, and there's the wife, and they know each other, they're fine with each other.

But typically, due to the relationship skills of the past as well as expectations, you didn't expect romance and passion to last. But what happens is, when you start a relationship, whether it be then or now, there's the honeymoon period. There's a place where you get naked with somebody, you haven't been with them before, that's fresh skin. It will increase your testosterone 50%. So, she's able to bond with you in that way as those high estrogen levels in women, high testosterone in men allows us to bond at such a level where we can be fully satisfied with that person for a lifetime. But if you don't sustain that high testosterone in a man, then, other women, just the newness of it will kick you back up to that 50% higher level. But the newness will always go away in relationships. That's what we want. You want to feel comfortable, familiar, at ease, but you also want to feel that strong attraction. That's the dopamine level. Dopamine goes higher for women, they fall in love because when dopamine goes up, the newness allows her estrogen to go up if she feels safe or if she feels in danger. Either way, it will produce-- dopamine goes up, and she will experience high estrogen, sex will be great, and then, she loses interest. What's wrong with me? Nothing's wrong with you. It's just how the relationship is managing the sexual energy. A lot of that has to be happening outside the bedroom as well. So, that's a fun topic.

Melanie Avalon: That was one of my favorite things from what I read in your books was the actual biological, like what was happening with the hormones and how that related to everything? Actually, a huge question I had for you was, you talk about something called "you time, me time, and we time." The hormones that relate to that, and then how a woman, for example, transitions from you time, to me time, and how it requires 'we time', which requires oxytocin. So, I was wondering if you could talk a little bit about that, and does that mean that for a woman to, especially, like a career driven working woman for her to transition to her 'me time' at the end of the day that progesterone. Does she have to have like a romantic relationship with somebody like that 'we time' to actually have that transition or what do single women do?

John Gray: By the way, we can discuss all the me time, we time, you time. I want to mention that we have a course online at my website, marsvenus.com, which is for women only teaching them the details of how to do that. 200 pages of my 400-page book called Beyond Mars and Venus. 200 pages is to help women understand their hormone system, and for men to understand it as well. It took me nine years to figure that out. I already understand that men, women different, how to improve communication, supplements, brain function, sex, sublimation, all of that stuff. But boy, figuring out hormones and see what triggers hormones, many women know they have issues with their hormones, it's very common thing today, and they often take replacement hormones because they don't understand how your mindset, your attitudes, your priorities, and your behaviors, and how much time you spend doing one thing versus another, how it triggers your hormones?

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