I wouldn't. After my son sent his and second son's birthday cards and birth card and presents for my new grandson back 2 years next month all unopened and a vile letter . I haven't sent any birthday, Christmas or Easter cards or presents. Nor I received anything from him .
He hurt me so much sending everything back. I couldn't understand why he did that and how spiteful it was to his sons.
But you must do what makes you happy.
I'm sorry you are in this situation.
Has daughter asked for no contact? If she has asked for you to stop sending things she may view continuing to do so as not respecting her and it might be best to stop.
If she hasn't asked you to stop I don't think there is a right or wrong choice.
You have to weigh up whether sending a card that is ignored will hurt more than regretting not sending one.
If you do send anything, make sure it is focused on her and her birthday and you don't bring your feelings up as she may view it as a guilt trip.
Honestly though, in general I think it is better to contact estranged children at random times and avoid special occasions. Recieving something on a special occasion might put a dampner on the day and bring up thoughts about your situation together on what should be a happy day. She may then blame you for those negative feelings.
This could also be achieved by sending a birthday card a week in advance so it doesn't arrive on the day itself.
I hope that helps you
I think you should, nothing ventured nothing gained. I know you are hurting because your birthday was forgotten/ignored, but in years to come she may relent and knowing you have always sent her cards will be in your favour.
As you are aware there is no quick fix, but little communications over the years will keep the bridges open. Sorry for so many metaphors but they just seemed to fit.
Hi Dibbydod I do remember you posting about this before and am sorry that nothing has changed.
For me, what's important in this situation is how sending cards and getting no response or acknowledgement, affects you.
If this continues to upset you and increase the pain of your estrangement, then for your own sake stop. If you wish to continue choose a card with a simple message and just add 'love mum'. Having done all that you have already, I don't think there's any need to say more.
We have never sent cards to our ES since he estranged us but for about 7 years sent cards to our GC. We took the decision to stop when for us the time was right.
Now the cards we buy go into a memory box so one day, most probably when we're no longer here, they'll have the opportunity to read them if they want too, and know that although they never knew us, we never forgot them.
We have been able to move and be happy with our lives. It's not been easy and of course the pain never goes away completely, but we owe it to ourselves and those who are in our lives to make the best life we can without the one who has estranged us.
I'd keep sending a card if I were in your situation....Its your daughter and even if she doesn't want contact with you deep in heart she loves you as you do her....Nothing to gushy...Just a simple card to let her know you are thinking of her on her birthday....Wish things were different for you DIBBYDOD....
If it helps, my ex husband estranged my adult daughter and adult son for 10 years, with no reason given.
My daughter wanted to try and leave the door open, so every birthday and Fathers Day, she sent cards. Fairly bland cards, just signed by her. Every Christmas she sent a card, with a photo of the grandchildren in.
For 10 years, she had no response whatsoever, but then he contacted her and they are back in touch.
So, I would do what makes you feel better.
You can't read her mind, and she has the choice as to what to do with the cards.
Best wishes. ?
Hi Dibbydod, bless you for still trying... I'm ten years into estrangement from my mum. I love her and am so grateful to her. I wish I'd have been like you and sent the odd card. The knock on affects on my daughter and, her family, I never, bargained for. I should be the one looking after her now and making sure she is OK but I could not take the abuse anymore. I may gave deserved it none the less and at end of the day she is, still my mum. I pray you and your daughter will be reunitedxxx
I was estranged from my parents for 20 years because of their behaviour towards me, they did not want to speak about the situation nor apologise for their treatment.
However, they would send cards occasionally which made me angry as it seemed to me that they thought the odd birthday card would wipe out the past and assume that I had got over it.
I am not saying this applies to anyone else, all estrangements are for different reasons, and the people involved have different personalities.
I would say though if someone has said they want no contact then their wishes should be respected.
Well, as rude and unpleasant as your daughter's ex partner was today Dibbydod, she's actually been useful in helping you to come to a decision hasn't she. You've nothing to feel embarrassed about; millions of others are also keeping their silence too, for fear of stigma and judgement. Put it all behind you, as much as you can.
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