Tinkle Friend Chat

[Alexandrin Chaples]

Beatenby her parents and bullied by her elder brother, nine-year-old Jenny* felt alone and unloved. But then she turned to the web, and discovered a bubbly blue friend who was willing to listen and give her support, advice and information.

Currently the only online chat service in Singapore for children, Tinkle Friend Online Chat (www.tinklefriend.sg) was officially launched on 21 April at West View Primary School as part of the 30th anniversary celebration of its offline counterpart, the Tinkle Friend Helpline.

Has anyone else's friends just don't bother to make an effort to meet up and see you? I am getting tired of asking a certain friend to meet up and getting the " yes we must arrange something " and for nothing to happen.

We used to be so close now I know when we become parents life is busy but u have to make the effort.

I got married some months back abroad and I am disappointed my friend has not even made the effort to meet up with me since my wedding to see the pics hear all about it etc like we did after she got back from honeymoon.

I just feel hurt she doesn't make the effort takes hours or days to respond to a text even.

Any advise ?

Yes I have friends that are like that. Child hood friends, never go out of there way to see me, 3 of them live beside eachother and see eachother all the time and organise nights out etc... One of them just had a baby so doesn't see anyone as much, and another has a toddler, but they all see eachother all the time, I'm pregnant at the minute so rarely invited out, I would speak to some a couple of times a week, but if I'm not the one who texts, or who comes down to them I would probably never hear or see them, it used to annoy me. But lately I just think I have so much going on in my life at the minute, and I find them a really immature bunch of girls, that no love is lost to be honest, we will always be friends as we always have been for as long as I remember, but I don't go out of my way anymore, i have other friends that I may not know as long and we would talk once a month if even and when we meet up its like I only seen them yesterday, so friendships like that I tend to enjoy more

Yes tinkle I know how you feel. I had a very close friend from secondary school and we used to do a lot together and stay in touch and go out every weekend when we were in different colleges etc but then when we started our working careers it was me constantly that did the texting and ringing and arranging to meet up so after a few years I just stopped completely and said I'd let her arrange or get in touch and I actually never heard from her again. It was a very hurtful experience but I'm glad i found out sooner rather than later that she could t he bothered. How anyone can be part of your life for so long and then just forget about you over night I do not know but I have friends now that I haven't known that long that are miles ahead of some older ones.

I had an almost identical experience to Michelle. Did the same thing, stopped calling and texting and waited for this friend to get in touch. She did twice over the course of about a year, both times because she wanted something. At that stage I was over her completely. But I was actually extremely upset at the time, it was almost like a bereavement. We were friends since junior infants. It still makes me a little sad to think our friendship is over, but there's really no going back. I have other good friends who do make an effort and I just concentrate on them. Life is too short.

My opinion is this... If you really really get on well with someone you make the effort and also always allow for the possibility of something going on in this persons life you don't know about even if it is ongoing.

I agree with tiny tears, I have had times when I do all the running with my friends and other times they do it, depends on how busy our lives are tbh. Often I get so busy I forget about meeting up or ringing, I've even been known to forget their birthday but they never complain, and likewise they do the same to me, we have big families and are often too busy. When we do meet up we have a great time so that's all that really matters, I have one friend who I see maybe once a week but sometimes a month can go by without us ringing or meeting up, but I can always guarantee she will be there for me when I need someone, and likewise if she needs me badly I will drop everything for her, we have needed this when family members were ill or passed away, no matter what we are doing or how busy we are we drop things and help each other. This to me is more important that seeing each other lots. I have friends that I see lots of and go out with a fair bit so it doesn't matter to me.

Something I've realised over the last few years is that life is ever changing and like the seasons change, people change as our circumstances change.Some people seem to put a lot of stock in life long friends but really you are hardly the same person you were since Junior Infants.

It's our life experiences that join us together. For instance I have friends now that I met through the kids. Will we be good friends in 20 yrs? Who knows? But in the now we are enjoying each other's company. One of my best friends I made at the start of college I'm finding it hard to have common ground with over the past few years. I'm tied up with the kids and she's a busy career woman. Yeah we ring and chat and have the laugh but apart from that we now have little in common. I've learned lately to embrace life's changes and see all the new things as new chapters.

I agree with alot of what you say kyle77. It is definitely life experiences that join people, and it is natural for friendships to form and and for people to drift away as circumstances change.

I have definitely found this to be the case, whether it be change of job, living abroad and moving home, and in some cases life just gets in the way.

But with a few friends from primary school , we've always stayed in touch. And we have been there for each other through college, relationships coming and going, we all came to each other's weddings and they have supported me through bereavement. (as I inevitably unfortunately will do for them). So we're not the same people as we were , but we grew up together and changed together. I think it's worth going the extra mile for these friends. But it is possible I'm just really way too sentimental!!!!

And tinytears I agree with you too. I don't know what's really going on in this persons life. If she chooses to reach out in the future I'll be here. But I had to stop calling and texting for my own sake, I was starting to feel like a stalker! And if that's what she thought too, sure now everyone wins!

Tinkle I posted on this on another board. I know what you mean. I cut back alot as same if I didnt make contact then nothing at all. I mean we all busy kids activities etc. Some pals more in common with and a few drifted off no real reason but our boys didnt have much common either. Same on nights out nobody committed so I just left it now.

I clicked into this praying this isnt one of my friends giving out about me. For the first time in years I am just not giving my friends the attention I used to. Without going into detail my life between work, kids, personnel stuff, relationship and family has gotten sooo busy. I cant remember the last time I actually watched a tv programme or climbed into bed before 1am. Im typing this in work. I hope they understand that Im there for them but Im just not getting the time to see them. Have made the effort in the past so hope things calm down over the next few months.

I would respond to texts, facebook etc - facebook my only contact with them at the moment. To the OP some friendships do tend to drift after awhile and then friends become acquaintances. Real friends are there for you imo even though you mightnt see them from one part of the year to the other.

I've been up to my oxters recently with life. I haven't had a chance to catch up with friends for a few months. I'd love nothing more than time for a good chat but unless they're free for that chat at 1am it's not happening right now. For me right now when I get a rare hour to myself I go for a run. I need time alone!

Hi everyone.

Thank you do much for all the replies glad I'm not the only one.

It just saddnes me that we aren't as close. My life is crazy too kids and working, family ,activities etc. I get we are all busy in our life's but be nice to just cath up every glfew months . I haven't seen her in over 6months and have suggested a few times to catch up and doesn't happen u just get tired of asking I suppose ?

I have a friend from secondary school. She is just married, no kids and working ft; I have 3 small kids and am on maternity leave. When she calls me, it's usually on her way home from work- the same time I am getting the kids dinner, baths, etc. So if I answer, I can't talk properly. If I don't answer, it could be after 10 by the time I'm free to talk but I wouldn't call her back that late. At weekends, I have stuff to do with the kids, and she would still be out socialising alot. So far this year, I've seen her twice, and probably had another 2 proper phone conversations. But if she was in troubleor hhaving a tough time, I'd literally drop everything. I think it just depends what your expectations are. I could never last in a friendship with someone who got pissed off if I didn't text straight back or return a call. Same goes I wouldn't expect it from them.

In 2019, at the age of 19, and six years after she started self-harming, Sandy made a plan to end her life. She confided in a friend, who referred her to Limitless, a non-profit organisation that provides mental health services to those aged 12 to 25.

Founder of Limitless Asher Low said young people often have the lowest access to treatment or mental health services. They may fear that others could find out about their needs, be unable to pay for services and get stopped by parents who may be abusive or dismissive of mental health issues.

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