Fw: Fwd: (MA) Who Else Wants A Successful Child?
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carol jami
Oct 5, 2013, 2:45:51 AM10/5/13
to Juhudi, Jammilah Omido
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From: Petua Buteme <petu...@gmail.com>
To: mary kisakye <maryki...@yahoo.co.uk>; Barbara Abila Alago <barbar...@gmail.com>; Allison <akag...@yahoo.com>; Doreen Balaza <deeb...@gmail.com>; C W M Mackola <cwmu...@gmail.com>; Rachel Asio <rene...@yahoo.com>; Sarah Sakwa <jkgs...@gmail.com>; Carol Jami <carri...@yahoo.com>; Dorothy Mugume <dorothy...@gmail.com>
Sent: Wednesday, September 25, 2013 8:45 AM
Subject: Fwd: (MA) Who Else Wants A Successful Child?
From: Petua Buteme <petu...@gmail.com>
To: mary kisakye <maryki...@yahoo.co.uk>; Barbara Abila Alago <barbar...@gmail.com>; Allison <akag...@yahoo.com>; Doreen Balaza <deeb...@gmail.com>; C W M Mackola <cwmu...@gmail.com>; Rachel Asio <rene...@yahoo.com>; Sarah Sakwa <jkgs...@gmail.com>; Carol Jami <carri...@yahoo.com>; Dorothy Mugume <dorothy...@gmail.com>
Sent: Wednesday, September 25, 2013 8:45 AM
Subject: Fwd: (MA) Who Else Wants A Successful Child?
Hi ladies,
A bit of advise in raising children.......see below.
Petua
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: MarriageAdvice.com <re...@marriageadvice.com>
Date: Wed, Sep 18, 2013 at 10:54 AM
Subject: (MA) Who Else Wants A Successful Child?
To: petu...@gmail.com
From: MarriageAdvice.com <re...@marriageadvice.com>
Date: Wed, Sep 18, 2013 at 10:54 AM
Subject: (MA) Who Else Wants A Successful Child?
To: petu...@gmail.com
_______________________________
MarriageAdvice.com's
Tip-of-the-Week Newsletter
http://www.MarriageAdvice.com
_______________________________
__________________________________________
Today's Article: "Who Else Wants A Successful Child?"
__________________________________________
What are some things that identify a successful child?
Do they have the most friends on the playground? Do
they earn all "A's" each grading period? Are they the
first one picked on the kick ball team? Do they have
acceptance letters to all of the major Ivy League
schools?
A few of these things may be a byproduct of a
successful child, but they really aren't the
measurement of success.
A truly successful child grows up to be a contributing,
caring adult. It's important to remember that this is
a process, not an event. So here are some ideas on
ways to increase their chances for success.
________________________________
Success Idea #1 - No Hovering Allowed
________________________________
First, to be successful, a child needs to know that
they can accomplish tasks and overcome challenges
through their own creative thinking and effort, they
don't always have to be rescued.
The way they learn that is through being allowed to
succeed and fail. So if you "hover" over your child's
every move, they may accomplish everything in perfect
order, but they aren't truly successful.
For example, if you are still walking them to their
kindergarten classroom several weeks into the school
year, then you are telling your child that you don't
believe in them.
You are conveying a message that they
don't have the ability to find the room on their own,
get their back pack put away and get ready to work.
To be a non-hovering parent, you show them once or
twice, gently guiding in places that were a little
rough, then let them try it on their own.
_________________________
Success Idea #2 - No Rescuing
_________________________
Another common mistake we make as parents is we rescue
our children from the natural consequences of their
action or in action. We need to allow them to
experience success for it is the best builder of their
confidence.
They also need to experience failure or problems so
they can become problem solvers and learn that life
isn't perfect or easy.
My kids get one "free ticket" a semester. That's good
for one trip to school by mom to bring a forgotten
report, library book, lunch or special project. So
they have to choose well on how to use their "free
ticket."
It's good for them to evaluate the "consequence" of not
having whatever it is they forgot and to be willing to
suffer the consequences. It may mean one less smiley
face on their chart in class, a reduced recess or
enduring the free cafeteria peanut butter and jelly
sandwich.
However, that forgotten item is rarely forgotten a
second time, and if it is, then they must not mind the
consequence too much. If we don't allow our children
to make mistakes, they will have a difficult time being
responsible for their mistakes as an adult.
We all have known someone who blames everyone under the
sun for their failures...yet when it comes down to it,
they dropped the ball.
__________________________________________
Success Idea #3 - Give Sincere and Appropriate Praise
__________________________________________
It's so important that we give our children, actually,
all children, sincere and appropriate praise. It
builds their confidence and creates good feelings that
help them internalized the value of a job well done.
This value of a job well done can't be bought with
Legos, Happy Meals, computer games or other tangible
items. If it is felt, it is remembered and is a
motivator for life.
It also doesn't help to gush over every single
accomplishment. I sincere compliment on how well they
did their task, or painted that picture is enough.
Do you think their future manager will have a party
every time they arrive to work on time and answer 10
emails? Then don't set them up to require major
reinforcements for living their life in a successful,
contributing manner.
In our family, we don't pay for good grades. I won't
go into a philosophical discussion of the pros and cons
of paying for grades.
However, because we've been able to assess that our
children are capable of making good grades without
excessive amounts of efforts or parental intervention,
then we expect good grades.
Even with 3 of my 5 children having dyslexia, we don't
pay for good grades. Of course, our assistance and
expectations vary with the needs of each child. But we
have learned to help them be successful in their
studying and school work, then back away and let them
have at it.
They are pleased with a job well done and can determine
if they want to get by with a "B" or make the extra
effort for an "A".
At the end of the last school year, my high school
junior brought home a "B" in his Language Arts class.
I asked, "What's up with that?" He replied, "I was
really tired of school, and decided I'd be okay with a
"B" in that class because I wanted to work more on my
special project in Graphic Design.
His educational goals to not include acceptance at
Harvard or any Ivy League school, he has dreams of
becoming a Graphic Artist. My response was, "okay,
just don't get in the habit of settling for less."
___________________________________________
Success Idea #4 - Have Them Contribute In The Home
___________________________________________
If you're child doesn't have age appropriate chores and
duties at home, you are teaching them that they are not
responsible for the success of "the group". You are
also teaching them that they aren't responsible for
their environment.
Whether "the group" is your family, a special group
project at school, or a group at work. Everyone needs
to know that they have a responsibility to contribute
to the place they live, work and play.
As a toddler, their chore may be to not only put away
their own toys, but to fill the napkin holder when it's
empty.
As children get older, they should be doing dishes,
laundry, taking out trash, yard work, vacuuming and the
list goes on. If it's work around the house, they need
to learn how to do it and to contribute.
It's important to add these chores at the appropriate
age level, and realize that they will not do it as good
as you. Give them 20 years and they will probably to
it better and quicker than you. But when they're 5,
teach them at their level and gently evaluated and then
back away.
Let me give you an extreme example of the problems that
may occur when we don't teach our children to
contribute.
Several years ago I was visiting a friend who was dying
of brain cancer. She asked her 14-year-old daughter to
change the sheets on her bed and get it ready for me.
However, her daughter had no clue as to how to put
clean sheets on a bed and make it.
As I was helping her make the bed, (although I would
have gladly done it myself) I was teaching her an
important life skill that she was going to need very
soon.
I realized that my friends daughter was not only
emotionally unprepared for her mom to die, she was not
ready in so many other ways too.
We have a duty to our children to teach them how to
take care of their self when we aren't around. What
value have added to our child if we waited until the
week they're going off to college to teach them about
sorting clothes and doing laundry?
________________
The Measuring Stick
________________
As we strive to apply these and many more ideas to help
teach and guide our children to become successful
adults, the question is still there...how will we know
if they are successful?
My mind tells me that it may be measured by the number
and quality of their friends, their annual income, the
size of their home and the type of car they drive.
However, my heart tells me that my child is successful
if they can smile in adversity; laugh at their own
mistakes and do better next time; share the credit in
their successes and carry the blame in their failures.
However, perhaps the ultimate measuring stick will be
watching them raise my contributing and caring grand
children.
_______________________________
Written by Beth Young
Published by David Frey
Founder, MarriageAdvice.com
306 W. Edgewood, Suite F
re...@marriageadvice.com
MarriageAdvice.com's
Tip-of-the-Week Newsletter
http://www.MarriageAdvice.com
_______________________________
__________________________________________
Today's Article: "Who Else Wants A Successful Child?"
__________________________________________
What are some things that identify a successful child?
Do they have the most friends on the playground? Do
they earn all "A's" each grading period? Are they the
first one picked on the kick ball team? Do they have
acceptance letters to all of the major Ivy League
schools?
A few of these things may be a byproduct of a
successful child, but they really aren't the
measurement of success.
A truly successful child grows up to be a contributing,
caring adult. It's important to remember that this is
a process, not an event. So here are some ideas on
ways to increase their chances for success.
________________________________
Success Idea #1 - No Hovering Allowed
________________________________
First, to be successful, a child needs to know that
they can accomplish tasks and overcome challenges
through their own creative thinking and effort, they
don't always have to be rescued.
The way they learn that is through being allowed to
succeed and fail. So if you "hover" over your child's
every move, they may accomplish everything in perfect
order, but they aren't truly successful.
For example, if you are still walking them to their
kindergarten classroom several weeks into the school
year, then you are telling your child that you don't
believe in them.
You are conveying a message that they
don't have the ability to find the room on their own,
get their back pack put away and get ready to work.
To be a non-hovering parent, you show them once or
twice, gently guiding in places that were a little
rough, then let them try it on their own.
_________________________
Success Idea #2 - No Rescuing
_________________________
Another common mistake we make as parents is we rescue
our children from the natural consequences of their
action or in action. We need to allow them to
experience success for it is the best builder of their
confidence.
They also need to experience failure or problems so
they can become problem solvers and learn that life
isn't perfect or easy.
My kids get one "free ticket" a semester. That's good
for one trip to school by mom to bring a forgotten
report, library book, lunch or special project. So
they have to choose well on how to use their "free
ticket."
It's good for them to evaluate the "consequence" of not
having whatever it is they forgot and to be willing to
suffer the consequences. It may mean one less smiley
face on their chart in class, a reduced recess or
enduring the free cafeteria peanut butter and jelly
sandwich.
However, that forgotten item is rarely forgotten a
second time, and if it is, then they must not mind the
consequence too much. If we don't allow our children
to make mistakes, they will have a difficult time being
responsible for their mistakes as an adult.
We all have known someone who blames everyone under the
sun for their failures...yet when it comes down to it,
they dropped the ball.
__________________________________________
Success Idea #3 - Give Sincere and Appropriate Praise
__________________________________________
It's so important that we give our children, actually,
all children, sincere and appropriate praise. It
builds their confidence and creates good feelings that
help them internalized the value of a job well done.
This value of a job well done can't be bought with
Legos, Happy Meals, computer games or other tangible
items. If it is felt, it is remembered and is a
motivator for life.
It also doesn't help to gush over every single
accomplishment. I sincere compliment on how well they
did their task, or painted that picture is enough.
Do you think their future manager will have a party
every time they arrive to work on time and answer 10
emails? Then don't set them up to require major
reinforcements for living their life in a successful,
contributing manner.
In our family, we don't pay for good grades. I won't
go into a philosophical discussion of the pros and cons
of paying for grades.
However, because we've been able to assess that our
children are capable of making good grades without
excessive amounts of efforts or parental intervention,
then we expect good grades.
Even with 3 of my 5 children having dyslexia, we don't
pay for good grades. Of course, our assistance and
expectations vary with the needs of each child. But we
have learned to help them be successful in their
studying and school work, then back away and let them
have at it.
They are pleased with a job well done and can determine
if they want to get by with a "B" or make the extra
effort for an "A".
At the end of the last school year, my high school
junior brought home a "B" in his Language Arts class.
I asked, "What's up with that?" He replied, "I was
really tired of school, and decided I'd be okay with a
"B" in that class because I wanted to work more on my
special project in Graphic Design.
His educational goals to not include acceptance at
Harvard or any Ivy League school, he has dreams of
becoming a Graphic Artist. My response was, "okay,
just don't get in the habit of settling for less."
___________________________________________
Success Idea #4 - Have Them Contribute In The Home
___________________________________________
If you're child doesn't have age appropriate chores and
duties at home, you are teaching them that they are not
responsible for the success of "the group". You are
also teaching them that they aren't responsible for
their environment.
Whether "the group" is your family, a special group
project at school, or a group at work. Everyone needs
to know that they have a responsibility to contribute
to the place they live, work and play.
As a toddler, their chore may be to not only put away
their own toys, but to fill the napkin holder when it's
empty.
As children get older, they should be doing dishes,
laundry, taking out trash, yard work, vacuuming and the
list goes on. If it's work around the house, they need
to learn how to do it and to contribute.
It's important to add these chores at the appropriate
age level, and realize that they will not do it as good
as you. Give them 20 years and they will probably to
it better and quicker than you. But when they're 5,
teach them at their level and gently evaluated and then
back away.
Let me give you an extreme example of the problems that
may occur when we don't teach our children to
contribute.
Several years ago I was visiting a friend who was dying
of brain cancer. She asked her 14-year-old daughter to
change the sheets on her bed and get it ready for me.
However, her daughter had no clue as to how to put
clean sheets on a bed and make it.
As I was helping her make the bed, (although I would
have gladly done it myself) I was teaching her an
important life skill that she was going to need very
soon.
I realized that my friends daughter was not only
emotionally unprepared for her mom to die, she was not
ready in so many other ways too.
We have a duty to our children to teach them how to
take care of their self when we aren't around. What
value have added to our child if we waited until the
week they're going off to college to teach them about
sorting clothes and doing laundry?
________________
The Measuring Stick
________________
As we strive to apply these and many more ideas to help
teach and guide our children to become successful
adults, the question is still there...how will we know
if they are successful?
My mind tells me that it may be measured by the number
and quality of their friends, their annual income, the
size of their home and the type of car they drive.
However, my heart tells me that my child is successful
if they can smile in adversity; laugh at their own
mistakes and do better next time; share the credit in
their successes and carry the blame in their failures.
However, perhaps the ultimate measuring stick will be
watching them raise my contributing and caring grand
children.
_______________________________
Written by Beth Young
Published by David Frey
Founder, MarriageAdvice.com
306 W. Edgewood, Suite F
re...@marriageadvice.com
|
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