December 17th Jokes-N-Toons

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	December 17th, 2010
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Two college seniors had a week of exams coming up. However, they decided to go to a party instead and they didn't get any studying done. When they went to the test, they decided to tell the professor that their car had broken down the night before due to a flat tire and they needed a bit more time to study. The professor told them that they could have another day to study. That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew just about everything. Arriving to class the next morning, each boy was told to go to separate classrooms to take the exam. Each shrugged and went to two different parts of the building. As each sat down, they read the first question. "For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom." At this point, they both thought that this was going to be a piece of cake, and answered the question with ease. Then, the test continued... "For 95 points, tell me which tire it was." Visit the Stolen Jokes/JNT Amazon.com Super Store by clicking this link Amazon.com or copy/paste astore.amazon.com/stoljoke-20 into your browser American Indian Chief An American Indian Chief calls his three sons into his tepee. He announces that he has decided on names for them all, as they are all coming of age and have passed the required tests. The Chief sits his sons down with the elders of the tribe and passes the peace pipe around. "Son number one -- you shall be known as......" Number three son interrupts. "Father, Father, what will I be called?" The chief replies, "I will come to you in turn my son." The chief continues, "Son number one -- you shall be known as 'Eagle'" Son number one asks why. "'As you will be strong and precise in battle - fearing no others -- the elders agree." The peace pipe is passed to son number two. Number three son interrupts AGAIN, "Father, Father, what will I be called?" Chief replies, "I will come to you in turn, my son." The chief continues, "Son number two -- you shall be known as 'Swallow.'" Son number two asks why. Number three son interrupts AGAIN. "Father, Father, what will I be called?" The chief replies, 'I will come to in turn my son.' The chief continues talking to son number two. "Because you will be swift and silent -- surprising your enemy in battle -- the elders agree." The chief turns to the third son. "Son number three -- you shall be known as 'Thrush.'" Son number three asks, "Why Thrush?" "Because, my son, you are an irritating cunt -- the elders agree."

Milk from bulls A fellow from the city was driving through the country one day when he came upon a quaint farmhouse alongside of the road - and there was even a farmer standing out front. So the city boy decided to stop and talk to the farmer. "Good morning, sir," he said, "I was driving by, admiring the country, 'cause I'm a city boy, and I couldn't help but notice that you have a field full of cows on your farm. Now I've lived in the city all my life and I've never tried any fresh country milk. If it's all right with you, I'd like to try some fresh country milk from your cows." The farmer replied, "Son, those are bulls! You don't get milk from bulls!!" And the city boy said, "But I won't hurt your cows. All I want to do is to try some fresh country milk." The farmer had to try again, "Son, those are BULLS!! You don't get milk from BULLS!!!" But the city boy persisted, "Really, I won't hurt your COWS! I just want to try some fresh country milk!!" So the farmer reluctantly gave in, "Son, knock yourself out." In a half an hour the city boy returned from the fields carrying a pail of fresh country milk. The farmer scratched his head and started to speak, but the city boy jumped in with, "You know, while I was out in the field getting this lovely fresh country milk, I saw a fence covered with honeysuckles. And you know, I've been city boy all my life and I've never had any fresh country honey. If it's all right with you, I'd like to try some fresh country honey from your honeysuckles." And the farmer replied, "Son, honeysuckles are flowers. You get honey from bees." But the city boy persisted, "I won't hurt your flowers. I just want to try some fresh country honey." So the farmer tried again, "Son, honey comes from BEES!" But the city boy was adamant, "Really, I won't hurt your FLOWERS! I just want to try some fresh country honey!!" And the farmer reluctantly gave in again, "Son, be my guest." In a half an hour the city boy returned with 2 mason jars full of honey. The farmer scratched his head harder than before and started to speak. Just then the city boy said, "You know, I'm a city boy - been a city boy all my life. Now while I was out getting some of that fresh country honey, I noticed that you also have a field full of pussy willows ..." "Hold on son," interrupted the farmer, "let me get my hat." Get quality bedding products at an affordable price at SelectBedding.com! Sunday School teacher A Sunday School teacher asked her class of young children a very simple question, or so she thought. She asked, "What is Easter?" Immediately many children raised their hands. So the teacher called on one to answer the question. The sweet child replied, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and gives thanks." "Wrong!," replied the teacher, and proceeded to choose a second child to answer the same question, "What is Easter?" The second child replied, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus." The teacher looked at the second child, shook her head, and tells him he's wrong. Then a third child is selected to answer the question, "What is Easter?" The third child smiles confidently and looks into the teacher's eyes and says, "I know what Easter is." "Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a nearby cave, which was then sealed off by a large boulder." The teacher smiles broadly with delight. Then the child continues, "And every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out ... and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter." Learn the French diet secrets > In the early 1900s, the president of America went to visit Russia. Of course, Russia was still ruled by the Czar back then, and the American President was warmly welcomed by the whole Russian royal household. As the two leaders and their entourages were dining one day in one of the huge dining rooms in the palace, the Americans were telling the Russians about some of the great things in their country. One of the topics of conversation was the Grand Canyon, in Colorado. Of course, the Americans were quite boastful about this being the largest canyon in the world, when suddenly, from the head of the table, the Czar stood up and made an announcement. "In Russia," he said, "we have a canyon even bigger than your Grand Canyon!" Now no one was going to stand up and contradict the Czar, but of course no one believed him either. Finally, the American president stood up, and said, "Okay. Let's see this canyon then." So an expedition was organized. Of course, their destination was way out in the remote wilderness and they only had horses to travel with so the going was slow. But eventually, after several weeks' grueling journey, they finally arrived at where the canyon was supposed to be. But there wasn't one. Not even a little one. And then it dawned on everyone -- he had been using Czar chasm to make them look stupid.	Please Visit our Sponsors

Questions and Answers from an AARP Forum Q: Where can men over the age of 60 find younger, sexy women who are interested in them? A: Try a bookstore under fiction. Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause? A: Keep busy. If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you are done you will have a place to live. Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the Bible. Is that true? Where can it be found? A: Yes. Matthew 14:92: 'And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt .' Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your 60+ year old husband? A: Tell him you're pregnant! Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles? A: Take off your glasses. Q: Seriously! What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face? A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out. Q: Why should 60+ year old people use valet parking? A: Valets don't forget where they park your car. Q: Is it common for 60+ year olds to have problems with short term memory storage? A: Storing memory is not a problem; retrieving it is a problem. Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly? A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon. Q: Where should 60+ year olds look for eye glasses? A: On their foreheads. Q: What is the most common remark made by 60+ year olds when they enter antique stores? A: 'Damn, I remember these!" SMILE .... You've still got your sense of humor, right? Adorn.com A Christmas Story for people having a bad day..... When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure. Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered. Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the rum. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom. Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?' And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree It is time for me to hang it up. Jokes-N-Toons and the rest of the Stolen Jokes family is shutting down after 6 years.The last installments will be sent around December 31st. If anyone is interested in purchasing the domain, all the jokes and over 5000 cartoons, send an email to me at t...@tom-evans.net. The domains do make a little money, enough to cover the server costs.