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TRICKLE-DOWN ECONOMICS
You're at a bar with a friend.... let's call him George.
1. Explain to George that the two of you are going to share a beer. But he'll have to front you the money for it, but there will be enough beer for the both of you if he'll only help stimulate the economy a little!
2. Purchase said beer, making sure to get a glass, and drink it. At some point, George is bound to wonder where his portion of the beer is, since after all he paid for it. Should he ask you, remind him that he must be patient and wait for market forces to go to work. If he asks you more than once, wag your finger and accuse him of making class war, and remind him about the market forces again.
3. At some point you'll have to excuse yourself for obvious reasons. Make sure to take your glass with you. George will want to know why, and he may be more than a little annoyed by now. Chalk it up to market forces, of course.
4. This part should be pretty obvious. Why else would you need the glass?
5. When you return, make a big thing of presenting George with the glass. When he asks what in the hell this is supposed to be, as well he should, let him know that the market has spoken, creating a whole 'nother beer (assuming the glass is full). Thanks to the market's power of beer creation, you both got a FULL beer instead of half a beer!
6. George may get suspicious and speculate that perhaps you've just stolen his money and whizzed in his glass.... stinkin' socialist!
Tips On Pumping Gas
I don't know what you guys are paying for gasoline ... but here in California we are paying up to $3.75 to $4.10 per gallon. My line of work is in petroleum for about 31 years now, so here are some tricks to get more of your money's worth for every gallon:
Here at the Kinder Morgan Pipeline where I work in San Jose, CA we deliver about 4 million gallons in a 24-hour period thru the pipeline. One day is diesel the next day is jet fuel, and gasoline, regular and premium grades. We have 34-storage tanks here with a total capacity of 16,800,000 gallons.
Only buy or fill up your car or truck in the early morning when the ground temperature is still cold. Remember that all service stations have their storage tanks buried below ground. The colder the ground the more dense the gasoline, when it gets warmer gasoline expands, so buying in the afternoon or in the evening ... your gallon is not exactly a gallon. In the petroleum business, the specific gravity and the temperature of the gasoline, diesel and jet fuel, ethanol and other petroleum products plays an important role.
A 1-degree rise in temperature is a big deal for this business. But the service stations do not have temperature compensation at the pumps.
When you're filling up do not squeeze the trigger of the nozzle to a fast mode If you look you will see that the trigger has three (3) stages: low, middle, and high. You should be pumping on low mode, thereby minimizing the vapors that are created while you are pumping. All hoses at the pump have a vapor return. If you are pumping on the fast rate, some of the liquid that goes to your tank becomes vapor. Those vapors are being sucked up and back into the underground storage tank so you're getting less worth for your money.
One of the most important tips is to fill up when your gas tank is HALF FULL. The reason for this is the more gas you have in your tank the less air occupying its empty space. Gasoline evaporates faster than you can imagine. Gasoline storage tanks have an internal floating roof. This roof serves as zero clearance between the gas and the atmosphere, so it minimizes the evaporation. Unlike service stations, here where I work, every truck that we load is temperature compensated so that every gallon is actually the exact amount.
Another reminder, if there is a gasoline truck pumping into the storage tanks when you stop to buy gas, DO NOT fill up; most likely the gasoline is being stirred up as the gas is being delivered, and you might pick up some of the dirt that normally settles on the bottom. To have an impact, we need to reach literally millions of gas buyers. It's really simple to do.
I'm sending this note to about thirty people. If each of you send it to at least ten more (30 x 10 = 300) ... and those 300 send it to at least ten more (300 x 10 = 3,000) and so on, by the time the message reaches the sixth generation of people, we will have reached over THREE MILLION consumers! If those three million get excited and pass this on to ten friends each, then 30 million people will have been contacted!
If it goes one level further, you guessed it ... THREE HUNDRED MILLION PEOPLE!
Again, all you have to do is send this to 10 people. How long would it take?
Trivia
The Barbie doll got her first car in 1962. It was a coral colored Austin Healy manufactured by the Irwin Corporation for Mattel.
What is supposed to happen when you land on "Free Parking" in Monopoly?
You'd think Parker Brothers would keep track of vital facts like this, but guess again. Here's the sum total of their wisdom on the subject: "It is not known when the practice of collecting money on `Free Parking' began." However, they do graciously allow that "while the official Parkers Brothers rules followed in tournament play do not allow such variations, you may follow `house rules' if all players consent before play begins."
Source: The Straight Dope
Entire article: http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/454/what-is-supposed-to-happen-when-you-land-on-free-parking-in-monopoly
French toast isn't French. It comes from a Roman cookbook, dating back to 1000 or 2000 B.C., and titled "Apicius on Cooking."
A group of unicorns is called a blessing. Twelve or more cows are known as a "flink." A group of frogs is called an army. A group of rhinos is called a crash. A group of kangaroos is called a mob. A group of whales is called a pod. A group of geese is called a gaggle. A group of ravens is called a murder. A group of officers is called a mess. A group of larks is called an exaltation. A group of owls is called a parliament.
Source: arcamax.com
No matter how popular the show, a serial (or soap opera) on Mexican television runs no longer than just one season.
The common guinea pig was first domesticated in about 2000 BC by the people living in the Andes Mountains, as a food source. To this day, they continue to be a major part of the diet in Peru and Bolivia, where they are an important source of protein and a mainstay of Andean folk medicine. Peruvians consume an estimated 65 million Guinea pigs each year, and the animal is so entrenched in the culture that one famous painting of the Last Supper in the main cathedral in Cusco, Peru shows Christ and the twelve disciples dining on guinea pig.
Source: www.randomfactsuselesstrivia.com
It's True!
LAS VEGAS, March 2 (UPI) -- Las Vegas police said a 69-year-old NASCAR driver chased down a shoplifting suspect in a Walmart parking lot.
Police said Morgan Shepherd, 69, a veteran of 44 NASCAR seasons, ran after the suspects as they ran from the store near the Las Vegas Speedway with police in pursuit Monday evening, KSNV-TV, Las Vegas, reported Wednesday.
"I caught one of them just as they were getting ready to hop a little wall at the end of the parking lot. I yanked him down and got on top of him," Shepherd said.
Shepherd said a police officer tossed him a pair of handcuffs and asked him to hold the suspect while he and store security ran after the other two young men.
"I didn't tell him a 69-year-old man chased him down," said Shepherd, a fitness buff who jogs daily. "He was probably 18 or 19. I told him he shouldn't be stealing stuff. There is just too much of this stuff going on."
Police said the three men were arrested but the pending charges against them were not released.
Today, MONOPOLY is the best-selling board game in the world, sold in 103 countries and produced in 37 languages including Croatian. But where did the MONOPOLY game come from? How did this phenomenal pastime get its start?
MR. MONOPOLY tells the legend of MONOPOLY best.
It was 1934, the height of the Great Depression, when Charles B. Darrow of Germantown, Pennsylvania, showed what he called the MONOPOLY game to the executives at Parker Brothers. Can you believe it, they rejected the game due to "52 design errors"! But Mr. Darrow wasn't daunted. Like many other Americans, he was unemployed at the time, and the game's exciting promise of fame and fortune inspired him to produce the game on his own. With help from a friend who was a printer, Mr. Darrow sold 5,000 handmade sets of the MONOPOLY game to a Philadelphia department store. People loved the game! But as demand for the game grew, he couldn't keep up with all the orders and came back to talk to Parker Brothers again. The rest, as they say, is history! In its first year, 1935, the MONOPOLY game was the best-selling game in America. And over its 65-year history, an estimated 500 million people have played the game of MONOPOLY!
• Over 200 million MONOPOLY games have been sold worldwide. More than five billion little green houses have been "built" since 1935.
• A MONOPOLY game made by my friends at Alfred Dunhill, with gold houses and silver hotels, sold for $25,000.
• The longest MONOPOLY game in history lasted 70 straight days.
• The longest MONOPOLY game in a bathtub lasted 99 hours!
• The game of MONOPOLY is so much a part of today's popular culture that my lawyers have trademarked many of the game's graphic elements. The MONOPOLY tokens, Railroad, COMMUNITY CHEST, CHANCE, and Title Deed designs, as well as BOARDWALK and all four gameboard corners are legally protected.
Source: www.hasbro.com
Muslim Humor
Goffaq Yussef.
Good evening, gentlemen, and get out, ladies.
On my flight to New York there must have been an Israeli in the bathroom the entire time. There was a sign on the door that said "occupied."
What do you say to a Muslim woman with two black eyes? Nothing! You told her twice already!
How many Palestinians does it take to change a light bulb? None! They sit in the dark forever and blame the Jews for it!
Did you hear about the Broadway play, "The Palestinians?" It bombed!
What do you call a first-time offender in Saudi Arabia? Lefty!
Did you hear about the Muslim strip club? It features full facial nudity!
Why do Palestinians find it convenient to live on the West Bank? Because it's just a stone's throw from Israel!
Why are Palestinian boys luckier than American boys? Because every Palestinian boy will get to join a rock group!
A Palestinian suspect was being grilled by Israeli police. "Honest, I'm not a suicide bomber," he said. "I didn't say I wanted to blow myself up so I could sleep with 72 virgins. All I said was I'm dying to get laid!"
What does the sign say above the nursery in a Palestinian maternity ward? "Live ammunition."
A Palestinian girl says to her mommy: "After Abdul blows himself up, can I have his room?"
Thank you, thank you
My name is Goffaq Yussef. (say it out loud).
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John decided to go skiing with his buddy, Keith. So they loaded up John's minivan and headed north.
After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
"I realize its terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Don't worry," John said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."
The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. The next morning, the weather had cleared, so they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
But about nine months later, John got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Keith and asked, "Keith, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?"
"Yes, I do," said Keith.
"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"
"Well, um, yes!" Keith said, a little embarrassed about being found out. "I have to admit that I did."
"And did you happen to give her MY name instead of telling her your name?"
Keith's face turned beet red now as he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy, but I'm afraid I did." Apprehensively, Keith queried, "Ah, why do you ask?"
"She just died and left me everything."
A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for some important guests. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for the dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some snails.
Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the beach. As he was collecting the snails, he noticed a beautiful woman strolling alongside the water just a little further down the beach.
He kept thinking to himself, "Wouldn't it be great if she would even just come down and talk to me?" He went back to gathering the snails.
All of a sudden he looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing right over him. They started talking and she invited him back to her place. They ended up spending the night together. At seven o'clock the next morning he woke up and exclaimed, "Oh no!!! My wife's dinner party!!"
He gathered all his clothes, put them on real fast, grabbed his bucket, and ran out the door. He ran down the beach all the way to his apartment. He ran up the stairs of his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails. There were snails all down the stairs. The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the door way wondering where he's been all this time.
He looked at the snails all down the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said, "Come on guys, we're almost there!!"
While on vacation in Rome, I noticed a marble column in St. Peter's with a golden telephone on it. As a young priest passed by, I asked who the telephone was for. The priest told me it was a direct line to heaven, and if I'd like to call, it would be a thousand dollars. I was amazed, but declined the offer.
Throughout Italy, I kept seeing the same golden telephone on a marble column. At each, I asked about it and the answer was always the same: It was a direct line to heaven and I could call for a thousand dollars.
Then - I finished my tour in Israel. I decided to attend temple services at a local synagogue. When I walked in the door I noticed the golden telephone. Underneath it there was a sign stating: "DIRECT LINE TO HEAVEN: 25 cents." "Rabbi," I said, "I have been all over Italy and in all the cathedrals I visited, I've seen telephones exactly like this one. But the price is always a thousand dollars. Why is it that this one is only 25 cents?"
The rabbi smiled and said, "Young lady", you're in Israel now. It's a local call."
One day in a third grade classroom a teacher asked her students what their fathers did for a living. The first boy raises his hand, and says my dad is a fireman. The teacher replies, "Hey, thats a great profession, he gets to fight fires and he has to be very brave."
So the teacher calls on a second student. A young girl is chosen, and she tells the class that her father is a policeman. The teacher replied, "Oh thats a great job, he has to be very brave, and he gets to put all the criminals behind bars."
So a third student raises his hand and is chosen by the teacher. She asks him what his father does for a living and he says that his father eats light bulbs. The teacher, now confused, says, "That's crazy, what makes you think that he eats light bulbs?"
The student replies, "Well last night I got up out of bed to get a drink of water, and when I walked by my parents room I overheard my father say, 'Hey baby, turn out the light and I'll eat it.'
The Following Is A List Of Excuses NOT To Have Sex. Most Of Them Can Be Used By Either Men Or Women.
10. I'd love to honey, but I just banged your sister.
9. We're out of paper bags for your head again.
8. You haven't shaved in so long I'm afraid I'd feel I was making love to Big Foot.
7. You're 20 bucks short.
6. We're out of gin again.
5. I used my last sponge for the dishes.
4. Sorry, this isn't a conjugal visit.
3. I can't tonight, honey, I spent myself earlier today watching all those pornos.
2. Only if you put on this wig and talk like a Chinese hooker.
1. Your gynecologist just called - you still have crabs and you know how I don't like seafood.
Bedroom Golf
1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club and two balls.
2. Play on course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.
4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.
6. Object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the owner is satisfied play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play again.
7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival. Experienced players will normally take time to admire the entire course, paying special attention to well formed mounds and bunkers.
8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played or are currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset owners have been known to damage a players equipment for this reason.
9. Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear, just in case.
10. Players should not assume that the course is in shape to play at all times. Players may be embarrassed if they find the course temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is the case.
11. Players should assume their match has been properly scheduled particularly when playing a new course for the 1st time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else is playing what they considered a private course.
12. The owner of the course is responsible for the pruning of any bushes, which may reduce the visibility of the hole.
13. Players are strongly advised to get the owners permission before attempting to play the backside.
14. Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace at the owners request.
15. It is considered an outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.
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