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Don’t forget Valentine’s Day is tomorrow! It's True!
Forget border hopping and sewing drugs into car cushions. Mexican smugglers have found a far more creative way to push pot north of the border: via giant catapults.
Two massive drug catapults were found in the Mexican state of Sonora, about 20 yards from the U.S. border in Arizona, the Associated Press tells us.
Resting on SUV flatbeds, each of the ancient contraptions were capable of flinging 4.4 pounds of marijuana over the border at a time.
National Guard troops found the first machine on Wednesday, and local soldiers followed an anonymous tip to the second one Agua Prieta on Thursday. They seized the vehicles, the catapults, and 35 pounds of the drug.
It's too bad officials snatched the weed, because one California inventor could use the supply to fuel his new line of medical marijuana soda pop.
Soquel, Calif., resident Clay Butler plans to develop and distribute "soda pot," soft drinks infused with THC, to medical marijuana dispensaries across the state, according to the Associated Press.
For between $10 and $12, anyone suffering from a pot-remedied ailment can to sip on flavors mimicking typical soft drinks, including Doc Weed, a Dr. Pepper imitation; Sour Diesel, a lemon-lime concoction; Grape Ape; and Orange Kush.
The sodas would pair well with the pot-fueled Thanksgiving dinner one marijuana activist prepared last November, according to AOL News.
Kim Twolan, a columnist for Nug Mag, contends that the best treatment for cancer patients is pot - and she can personally attest to its power: She used the drug to ease nausea during battles with ovarian and breast cancer, and said that marijuana was consistently more effective than prescribed pharmaceutical drugs.
To help other cancer patients enjoy their Thanksgiving dinners, she whipped up some classic weed-laced holiday recipes, including "Bird Stuffing a la Motta," which combines traditional stuffing ingredients with "cannabutter."
Of course, Twolan recommends just one enhanced dish per meal. "Otherwise, you're going to have very dull dinner conversation," she said in the AOL column.
Source: news.yahoo.com
When Insults Had Class. These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.
The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison." He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend ... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second ... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts ... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
What This Retired Man Has To Say About Life...
I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped on. I can't afford one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener.
You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.
I was thinking about old age and decided that it is `when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it'
I thought about making a fitness movie, for folks my age, and call it "Pumping Rust."
I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest is falling into your drawers!
I know, when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I want to say, "No, it's for company!"
Employment application blanks always ask `who is to be notified in case of an emergency?' I think you should write, "A Good Doctor!"
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do -- write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they deliver the mail? Or better yet, arrest them while they are taking their pictures!
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then, it dawned on me, they were cramming for their finals. As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.
An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.
The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."
Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.
Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"
What's the origin of the peace symbol?
The design for the familiar crow's-foot-in-a-circle we know as the peace symbol was completed February 21, 1958, by British commercial artist Gerald Holtom. Holtom had been commissioned by the Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament. The CND, headed by philosopher Bertrand Russell, was planning an Easter march to Canterbury Cathedral to protest the Atomic Weapons Research Establishment at Aldermaston.
After doodling around with several versions of the Christian cross set in a circle, Holtom hit on the crow's-foot idea. This had a couple things going for it. First, it was a combination of the semaphore signals for N and D, standing for Nuclear Disarmament. N is two flags held in an upside-down V, and D is one flag pointed straight up and the other pointed straight down. Second, the crow's-foot has an ancient history as a symbol of death and despair — it looks like somebody spreading his hands in a gesture of defeat. The symbol is shown in a 1955 tome called The Book of Signs by Rudolph Koch, a German calligrapher, although it's unclear whether Holtom saw it there. The circle, finally, can mean "eternity," "the unborn child," and so on. From there it's easy to cook up a suitably apocalyptic interpretation of the symbol as a whole.
Source: The Straight Dope
How The World Works Lately...
If a man cuts his finger off while slicing salami at work,
He blames the restaurant.
If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer,
Your family blames the Tobacco company.
If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk,
He blames the bartender.
If your grandchildren are brats without manners,
You blame television.
If your friend is shot by a deranged madman,
You blame the gun manufacturer.
And if a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet,
And the passengers kill him instead, the mother of the crazed deceased blames the airline.
I must have lived too long to understand the world as it is anymore.
So, if I die while my OLD WRINKLED ASS is parked in front of this computer,
I want all of you to blame Bill Gates
TRIVIA
Between 20,000 and 60,000 bees live in a single hive. The queen bee lays nearly 1,500 eggs a day and lives for up to 2 years. The drone, whose only job it is to mate with the queen bee, has a lifespan of around 24 days and has no stinger. Worker bees — all sterile females — usually work themselves to death within 40 days, collecting pollen and nectar. Worker bees will fly up to 9 miles (14 km) to find pollen and nectar, flying at speeds as fast as 15 mph (24 km/h).
How come longitude lines start in Greenwich, England?
The Royal Observatory Greenwich is located at the National Maritime Museum in London. The original site of the observatory was arbitrarily chosen as longitude 0 degrees in 1884. A plaque in the original structure marks the zero point from which longitude is calculated. The observatory was founded in 1675 by King Charles II to keep accurate tables of the position of the Moon for the calculation of longitude by English ships. In 1750 those tables were published as the Astronomical Observations, and after 1838 they were published annually. Meridian observations of the Sun, stars, and planets also were made at the observatory. Photographs of the Sun were taken daily, conditions permitting, and a continuous photographic record of sunspots was kept starting in 1873. Today the observatory is primarily a museum with a small planetarium.
Source: www.almanac.com
Do turkeys really drown by looking up when it rains?
A species synonymous with stupidity, that communicate by going "gobble, gobble," certainly has a problem with public perception.
Typical is the barnyard canard that when it rains, turkeys look upward, open their mouths to gape and drown. What do you think they are, a, uh, bunch of turkeys? They don't do it. The probable source for this legend is the few young turkeys that sometimes do die in a heavy downpour. They're covered with down but are not yet protected by the adult turkey's protective outer feathers. Their down gets wet, becomes ineffective and they die from the cold.
Criticizing this bird is like engaging in a, uh, turkey shoot. For instance, the birds today are bred to have plump breasts, which have been likened to footballs. It keeps them from "mounting," and they can't reproduce. See, first we call them stupid, now we complain that they can't score.
Source: JUST CURIOUS JEEVES by Jack Mingo and Erin Barrett, & THE NEW YORK TIMES
Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they know they are in love.
One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand
Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Bruce, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"
Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies, "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."
Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny."
Again, Bruce instantly replies, "Our allowance, Jenny makes five bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month and that should do us just fine."
Mr. Smith is impressed Bruce has put so much thought into this. 'Well Bruce, it seems like you have everything figured out. I just have one more question. What will you do if the two of you should have little children of your own?" Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, we've been lucky so far."
Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little shit is adorable.
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