November 19th Jokes-N-Toons

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	November 19th, 2010
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A blonde went to a flight school insisting she wanted to learn to fly that day.  As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the helicopter solo by radio. He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way. After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in.  "I'm doing great!  I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this." After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was becoming to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in. A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away.  He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage.  When he asked what happened, she said: "I don't know!  Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold.  I can't remember anything after I turned off the big fan." Visit the Stolen Jokes/JNT Amazon.com Super Store by clicking this link Amazon.com or copy/paste astore.amazon.com/stoljoke-20 into your browser Two Irishmen were digging a ditch directly across from a house of ill repute. Suddenly, they saw a rabbi walk up to the front door, glance around and duck inside. "Ah, will you look at that?" One ditch digger said. "What's our world comin' to when men of th' cloth are visitin' such places?" A short time later, a Protestant minister walked up to the door and quietly slipped inside. "Do you believe that?" The workman exclaimed. "Why, 'tis no wonder th' young people today are so confused, what with the example clergymen set for them." After an hour went by, the men watched as a Catholic priest quickly entered the brothel. "Ah, what a pity," the digger said, leaning on his shovel. "One of th' poor lasses must be ill." Subscribe to Jokes-N-Toons A few adult jokes(3 or 4), few adult cartoons (3 or 4), a few times (3 or 4) a week. Enter your email address here to subscribe:

The newlyweds had been married only a few months but she realized that the magic had gone from the marriage. As he sat at the breakfast table, head buried in the newspaper, she cried "What's wrong, honey?  What am I doing wrong?  What's missing from our marriage?" "Hasenpheffer!" he exclaimed. "Hasenpheffer?  What's Hasenpheffer?" she asked. "Well, its kinda like a rabbit stew in a tomato sauce.  My mom used to cook me the greatest Hasenpheffer all the time.  You never cook me Hasenpheffer." "That's it?" she cried, fantasies of marital bliss rushing through her mind. "Honey, when you get home tonight, you're gonna have the best Hasenpheffer you ever tasted!" "Great, honey." he said as he left for work.  "I can hardly wait." So she gets her "Joy of Cooking" and finds a great Hasenpheffer recipe, makes a shopping list and as she heads for the door the phone rings.  Its her girlfriend Mavis and like a typical woman she winds up spending the rest of the morning and part of the afternoon gossiping on the phone. Suddenly she realizes the time and, fearing her dreams of connubial bliss are in serious jeopardy, hangs up the phone, jumps in the car and speeds to the supermarket. She grabs a rabbit from the butcher, gets a bottle of tomato sauce, swiftly grabs the requisite vegetables and spices, and rushes through the check-out counter. As she dashes out to her car, she catches her heel on the curb, stumbles, and drops the grocery bag on the ground.  Looking at the mess on the ground, she realizes that her marriage is surely doomed and sits down on the curb and starts to cry hysterically. Up walks a drunk, sees the bawling lady, looks at the mess between her legs and says, "Don't cry lady.  He woulda been an idiot, anyway.  Just look at his ears!" Find Your Family Name in Historical Documents Ma and Pa were two hillbillies living in West Virginia out on a farm up in the hills. Pa has found out that the hole under the outhouse is full. He goes into the house and tells Ma that he doesn't know what to do to empty the hole.? Ma says, "Why don't you go ask the young'n down the road? He must be smart 'cause he's a college gradjyate." . So Pa drives down to the neighbor's house and asks him, "Mr. College gradjyate, my outhouse hole is full, and I don't know what to do to empty it."? The young'n tells him, "Get yourself two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. Put them both under the outhouse and light them both at the same time. The first one will go off and shoot the outhouse in the air. While it's in the air the second one will then go off and spread the poop all across your farm, fertilizing your ground. The outhouse should then come back down to the same spot atop the now-empty hole.." Pa thanks the neighbor, then drives to the hardware store and picks up two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. He goes home and puts them under the outhouse. He then lights them and runs behind a tree. All of a sudden, Ma comes running out of the house and into the outhouse! Off goes the first stick of dynamite ... shooting the outhouse into the air. BOOM! Off goes the second stick of dynamite ... spreading poop all over the farm WHAM! The outhouse comes crashing back down atop the hole..... Pa races to the outhouse, throws open the door and asks, "Ma, are you all right??!!" As she pulls up her panties she says... "Yeah, but I'm sure glad I didn't fart in the kitchen!!!! Find Your Family Name in Historical Documents Wally's Wedding Night At 85 years of age, Wally married Anne, a gorgeous 25 year old. Since her new husband is so old, Anne decides that after their wedding she and Wally should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over exert himself if they spend the entire night together. After the wedding festivities Anne prepares herself for bed and the expected 'knock' on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Wally, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Wally takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep. After a few minutes, Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Wally. Again he is ready for more 'action.' Somewhat surprised, Anne consents for more coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Wally kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves. She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it..... Wally is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more 'action.' And, once again they enjoy each other. But as Wally gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, â€~I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Wally.' Wally, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Anne and says: ....... 'You mean I've been here already?' Don't be afraid of getting old. Senior moments have their advantages. Click here to get Stolen Jokes everyday in your email Share us with a friend... http://www.stolen-jokes.com/sj_subscribe.html Must be 18 or older to join	Please Visit our Sponsors

Two cadets at an Arizona Air force academy were bragging in their off time about what good hunters they were. Well, it seems that they decided to have a contest, and whoever won the contest would be accounted the better hunter.  To make the things a little more interesting, they each put up a pint of the best whiskey they could find. There had been rumors that a lion had escaped the local zoo and was roaming around loose in the desert that surrounded the academy.  The contest was that whoever bagged the lion and brought it back to base was the winner. The first cadet borrowed a large hunting rifle and set about hunting down the lion in the conventional manner. The second cadet, who was perhaps a bit more inventive than his counterpart, secured a training jet from the local commander, loaded the wing guns with live ammunition and headed out over the dessert in search of the lion. It wasn't long before he spotted it, and, from the safety of the plane, killed it.  He took the plane down, loaded the lion's body into the copilot's seat, and headed back to base, where he promptly downed both bottles. Which just goes to show that a strafed lion is the shortest distance between two pints. Stacy Adams. We Cover Your Style from Head to Toe A blonde was visiting Washington, DC.  This was her first time to the city, so she wanted to see the Capitol Building.  Unfortunately, she couldn't find it, so she asked a police officer for directions. "Excuse me, officer," the blonde said, "how do I get to the Capitol Building?" The officer said, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there." The blonde thanked the officer and he drove off. Three hours later the police officer came back to the same area, and sure enough, the blonde was still waiting at the same bus stop. The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol Building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus. That was three hours ago.  Why are you still waiting?" The blonde said, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now.  The 45th bus just went by!"