December 15th Jokes-N-Toons

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	Welcome to Jokes -N- Toons
	December 15th, 2010
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Little Johnny Little Johnny was walking down the street with his mother. They stopped outside a woman's clothing shop and Johnny's mother knew it would embarrass him to go inside so she told him to wait outside. Before she had a chance to go inside, Little Johnny saw a used condom lying on the pavement. "What is that mummy?" he asked. His mother looked mortified when she saw the used condom and hastily said, "Um, it's a biscuit Johnny, but it's on the ground and dirty, so don't touch it!" Confident that Little Johnny wouldn't touch it she went in the shop. When she came out 10 min later she saw the condom was gone. "You didn't eat the biscuit, did you Little Johnny?" she asked. "Of course not, it was dirty, so I just licked the cream out from inside it." Visit the Stolen Jokes/JNT Amazon.com Super Store by clicking this link Amazon.com or copy/paste astore.amazon.com/stoljoke-20 into your browser Absolute Governmental Authority   A U.S. Department of Water representative stopped at a ranch and talked with an old rancher.   He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for your water allocation."   The old rancher said, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there."   The Water representative said, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.   See this card? The card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"   The old rancher nodded politely and went about his chores.   Later, the old rancher heard loud screams and saw the Water Rep running for the fence and close behind was the rancher's bull.   The bull was gaining on the Water Rep with every step.   The Rep was clearly terrified, so the old rancher immediately threw down his tools, ran to the fence and shouted out...   "Your card! Your card! Show him your card!"

Priest An Irish priest is in a church on Saturday afternoon, hearing confessions... A man walks in and kneels down and begins his confession. "Father, it has been two weeks since my last confession. These are my sins: Last night I had sex with Fanny Green." "That is your sin?" "Yes, Father." "You are forgiven. Go out and say one 'Our Father.'" The man leaves. Soon, another enters and kneels. "Father, it has been one month since my last confession. These are my sins: I have had sex with Fanny Green every week for the last month." The priest thinks to himself this Fanny Green woman is fairly popular with his male parishioners... "Those are your sins?" "Yes, Father." "You are forgiven. Go out and say three 'Hail Marys.'" The man leaves. Soon, another man enters and kneels down. "Father, it has been six months since my last confession. These are my sins: I have had sex with Fanny Green twice a week for the last six months." This time, the priest has to ask - "Who is this Fanny Green?" "Just a woman I know, Father." "Very well, you are forgiven. Go out and say ten 'Hail Marys.'" The priest closes the church for the evening and leaves wondering who this Fanny Green woman is... The next morning, the priest is up in front of his congregation saying mass. The doors fly open in the back of the church and in walks this woman, a tall redhead with long gorgeous hair, a green sequin dress, green sequined heels and a green hat with a long green feather coming from it. She walks straight up the aisle and sits down right in front of the priest, her knees apart. The priest cannot help but stop and stare. He finally catches himself and leans over to ask the altar boy. "Pssssst. Is that Fanny Green?" The altar boy has a look and says, "No, Father, I think it's just the reflection off her shoes." Sexy Men's Fashion Underwear A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One wet and lusty day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway. "Oh My God! Hurry! Grab your clothes," she yelled to her lover, "and jump out the window. My husband's home early!" "I can't jump out the window!" came the strangled reply from beneath the sheets. "It's raining out there!" "If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied. "He's got a very quick temper and a very large gun! The rain is the least of your problems!" So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he began running down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon. So he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to "blend in" as best he could. It wasn't that effective! After a little while, a small group of runners, who had been studying him with some curiosity, jogged closer. "Do you always run in the nude?" one asked. "Oh, yes!" he replied, gasping for air. "It feels so wonderfully free having the air blow over all your skin while you're running." Another runner moved alongside. "Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?" "Oh, yes!" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!" Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried. "Do you always wear a condom when you run?" "Only when it's raining," he replied	Please Visit our Sponsors

TSA SLOGANS Grope discounts available. Can't see London, can't see France, unless we see your underpants. If we did our job any better, we'd have to buy you dinner first. Only we know if Lady Gaga is really a lady. Don't worry, my hands are still warm from the last guy. Throw a few back at the airport Chili's and you won't even notice. Wanna fly? Open your fly! We've handled more balls than Barney Frank. We are now free to move about your pants We rub you the wrong way, so you can be on your way. It's not a grope. It's a freedom pat. When in doubt, we make you whip it out. TSA: Touchin', Squeezin', Arrestin' You were a virgin. We handle more packages than the USPS The TSA isn't silly, they just want to inspect your willy. Stroke of the hand, law of the land. No Shirt, No Shoes, No Problem. Let your fingers do the Walking. Bend Over And Cough Reach out and touch someone. Can you feel me now? When we're done with you, you'll need a cigarette TSA - Thousands Standing Around Visit DTYdirect.com for all your Tailgating needs! Go Team! A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him. She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son." He answered, "That's okay." "I know it's silly, but if you'd call out 'Good bye, Mom' as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy." She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mom." The little old lady waved and smiled back at him. Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries. "That comes to $121.85," said the clerk. "How come so much? I only bought 5 items." The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said You'd be paying for her things, too." It is time for me to hang it up. Jokes-N-Toons and the rest of the Stolen Jokes family is shutting down after 6 years.The last installments will be sent around December 31st. If anyone is interested in purchasing the domain, all the jokes and over 5000 cartoons, send an email to me at t...@tom-evans.net. The domains do make a little money, enough to cover the server costs.