November 29th Stolen Jokes

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	Welcome to Jokes -N- Toons
	November 29th, 2010
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A Texan died and went to heaven where St. Peter met him at the Pearly Gates. "Show me what you got, Pete," said the Texan. St. Peter swung open the gates and revealed a beautiful landscape of mountains, rivers, streams, trees, flowers an all the trimmings. "We've got that in Texas. We call it Supreme Ranch" said the Texan. St. Pete flashed up a scene of men, women and children frolicking on the countryside, riding coaches, swinging, swimming, riding horses, bicycling, etc. "We've got that, too. We call it Six Flags." Where upon St. Peter threw open a trap door of the fires of Hell and out shot a huge ball of fire followed by a solid stream of flame sweeping over the entire area. The blinding light and heat were enormous. "We don't have that," said the Texan, "but we've got a guy in Houston who can put it out." Christmas is Coming, save yourself the hassle of going to the mall, do all your shopping here! Visit the Stolen Jokes/JNT Amazon.com Super Store by clicking this link Amazon.com or copy/paste astore.amazon.com/stoljoke-20 into your browser. Visit these two links for a list of my sponsors, several of them have super savings through the holiday season. www.stolen-jokes.com/include/ZCBad999a.php   and   www.stolen-jokes.com/include/ZCBad999b.php OBAMA wants us to cut the amount of gasoline we use... The best way to stop using so much gasoline is to deport fifteen million illegal immigrants! That would be fifteen million less people using our gas. The price of gasoline would come down..... Bring our troops home from Afghanistan to guard the borders...When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the Mexican Border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Afghanistan ....Tell him if he wants to come to AMERICA then he must serve a tour in OUR military.... Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on it... After his four-year tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen -- since he defended this country..... He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal resident... This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for thetroops inAfghanistan and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves... If they refuse to serve, ship them to Afghanistan anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo! Problem solved... Subscribe to Jokes-N-Toons A few adult jokes(3 or 4), few adult cartoons (3 or 4), a few times (3 or 4) a week. Enter your email address here to subscribe:

Marriage Quotes Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. -- Shelley Winters When an actor marries an actress they both fight for the mirror. -- Burt Reynolds Marriage works best for men than women. The two happiest groups are married men and unmarried women. -- Gloria Steinem Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable? -- Carrie Snow The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after. Forty is when you watch the TV during. Sixty is when you watch the TV instead. -- Unknown Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day. -- Mickey Rooney Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third. -- Woody Allen (Hollywood Ending, 2002) In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice that still continues. -- Helen Rowland My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact. -- Roseanne Barr I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. -- Rita Rudner Alford & Hoff Skin Care - Award winning skin care products. Free shipping and samples. Bill asked his quiet CHI-NESE, "HAW-A-IIAN doing, CHEY-ANNE?" She had an E-STONI-AN stare. "KH-MER, I-TAL-IAN what I think," she replied. "My boyfriend, Joe, says he loves me, but so PHAR,-SEE, he hasn't popped the question." Anne told Joe, "MAY-AN looking good today!" HE-BREW-ed some tea, got scared, and drove off. Some people were talking HMONG themselves. One asked, "What are U-KRANIAN your head to see?" She cried, "CZECH out that guy RUSSIAN away in his highly POLISH-ed car! I bet he's part of that hard-KORE-AN FRENCH element. He's d-ESPERAN-TO get that COP-TIC-ked off by ALEUTIAN him. AM-O-RITE?" Joe looked HIN-DI rearview mirror and thought, "I-RISH that cop wouldn't TAG-ALOG. IS-RAELI getting on my nerves! All this driving JA-MAIC-AN me HUNGARIAN!" Joe crashed through the mall doors. The Food Court only had MALL-TESE, not real food. Onlookers said, "MAN-DAR-IN a strange place for a car!" Joe ate French fries and asked for SAM-OAN. He was tired and said, "I HOP-I can find a bed. I'MA-LAYSIAN down." A furniture store manager THAI'd him up and said, "I'll SIOUX UTE! You'll be SPANISHED!" Joe realized he'd been SI-CILI-AN regretted his escape. He cried, "A-WAD-HI go home!" The manager said, YI-DDISH it out, but you just can't take it. JE-WISH that you'd done something else?" Joe said, "I shouldn't have left my girlfriend." The manager said, "You love her. SO-MALI her!" IN-DI-AN, Joe was SWEED-ISH and proposed to Anne. That CHICK-A-SAW his remorse and asked, "Can I marry you? Of CORS-I-CAN!" Spend more than $85 and Fedex 2Day Shipping is FREE to US and Canadian customers. Code: FREESHIP85 Little old lady There was a little old lady who was nearly blind, and she had three sons who wanted to prove which one was the best to her. Son #1 bought her a 15-room mansion, thinking this would surely be the best that any of them could offer her. Son #2 bought her a beautiful Mercedes with a chauffeur included, thinking this would surely win her approval. Son #3 had to do something even better, so he bought her a parrot that he had been training for 15 years to memorize the entire Bible. You could ask the parrot any verse in the Bible, and he could quote it word for word. What a gift that would be. Well, the old lady went to the first son and said, "Son, the house is just gorgeous, but it's really much too big for me. I only live in one room, and it's too large to clean and take care of. I really don't need the house, but thank you anyway." Then she confronted her second son with, "Son, the car is beautiful. It has everything you could ever want on it, but I don't drive and really don't like the chauffeur, so please return the car." Next, she went to Son #3 and said, "Son, I just want to thank you for your most thoughtful gift. That chicken was delicious." Click here to get Stolen Jokes everyday in your email Share us with a friend... http://www.stolen-jokes.com/sj_subscribe.html Must be 18 or older to join	Please Visit our Sponsors

In Washington an old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had Faithfully served the people of the nation ' s capital. He motioned for his Nurse to come near. "Yes, Father?" said the nurse. "I would really like to see Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi before I die", Whispered the priest. "I ' ll see what I can do, Father", replied the nurse. The nurse sent the request to The House and Senate waited for a Response. Soon the word arrived; Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi would be delighted to Visit the priest. As they went to the hospital, Reid commented to Pelosi, "I don ' t know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly Help our images and might even get me re-elected." Pelosi agreed that it was a good thing. When they arrived at the priest ' s room, the priest took Reid ' s hand in His right hand and Pelosi ' s hand in his left. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest ' s face. Finally Nancy Pelosi spoke. "Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to Be with you as you near the end?" The old priest slowly replied, "I have always tried to pattern my life After Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ." "Amen", said Reid. "Amen", said Pelosi. The old priest continued, "Jesus died between two lying thieves; I would Like to do the same." Linda BigAlsOnline.com is giving away 50 prizes! Get a 'Scratch N' Win' card with any purchase and win automatically! Good trick A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. Again, the man reaches into his pockets and pulls out the tiny rat and the tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and again proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, who begins to sing along with the rat's music. While the man is enjoying his beverages, a stranger confronts him and offers him $100,000.00 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to $250,000.00 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to $500,000.00 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money. "Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere $500,000!" "Don't worry about it." the man answered. "The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist." It is time for me to hang it up. Jokes-N-Toons and the rest of the Stolen Jokes family is shutting down after 6 years.The last installments will be sent around December 31st. If anyone is interested in purchasing the domain, all the jokes and over 5000 cartoons, send an email to me at t...@tom-evans.net. The domains do make a little money, enough to cover the server costs.