November 22nd Jokes-N-Toons

[jo...@stolen-jokes.com]

	Welcome to Jokes -N- Toons
	November 22nd, 2010
For a list of all Jokes-N-Toons sponsors click HERE or copy/paste http://www.stolen-jokes.com/include/XCB.php into your browser. Click here for Random Cartoons Archive list of old Jokes-N-Toons pages

A woman from Los Angeles, CA who was a tree hugger, a democrat, and an anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland near Colville, WA. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to Mt. Carmel ER to see a Doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist, a democrat, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?" He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area." I'm sorry, but they turned me down. GOD BLESS AMERICA Visit the Stolen Jokes/JNT Amazon.com Super Store by clicking this link Amazon.com or copy/paste astore.amazon.com/stoljoke-20 into your browser Little Mexican boy A little Mexican boy goes into the kitchen where his mom is baking. He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face saying, "Mom, look, I'm a white boy." His mom slaps him in the face and says, "Go show your father!" He goes to his dad in the living room and says, "Look dad, I'm a white boy." His dad slaps him hard in the face and says, "Go show your grandmother." The boy goes in his grandmother's room and says, "Mira, abuelita, I'm a white boy." His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him back to his mother. His mother says, "See? Did you learn anything from that?" The boy replies, "Sure did. I have only been white for five minutes and I already don't like you Mexicans!" Subscribe to Jokes-N-Toons A few adult jokes(3 or 4), few adult cartoons (3 or 4), a few times (3 or 4) a week. Enter your email address here to subscribe:

Boudreaux was out in da field talkin' wit his frien Thibodeaux. Thibodeaux said, "Boudreaux , you see dat ole barn out dere? Well man, its completely infestered wit' rats. I tried everything I know an' can't get rid of dem." Boudreaux say, "Thibodeaux, I know zactly how to get rid of dem rats. You gotta get you one of dem bull constriptors." Thibodeaux say, "Whats a bull constriptor?" Boudreaux explains, "Man. Dats one of dem big ole snakes and he loves to eat rats and swallers dem whole, all at once." Well, da nex' day Thibodeaux went down to Kliberts reptile farm and bought him da biggest bull constripter dat dey got. He brought dat snake to da barn an let him loose right in da middle and just sat dere and watched. Well, Thibodeaux was watchin' for a long time, I mean long, an dere wasn't nuttin' happenin'. Dat big o le snake jus curled up hiself in da middle of dat barn and slept all day. He didn't even move and dem rats jus run all around. Thibodeaux got real frustrated and he called up Boudreaux on da phone, "Boudreaux, man dats some bad advice bout dat snake. Dem rats is still runnin' al around an' dat snake jus lays dere sleepin' all day long." Boudreaux say, "Man, Thibodeaux, I know just what to do. Give dat snake some Viagra." Thibodeaux say, "What! Viagra! What's dat gonna do?" Boudreaux say, "I was just listening to da radio and de man say dat Viagra is da best t'ing to use for a reptile dysfunction. Adorn.com A man went into a bar and ordered several shots of vodka.  By the time the bar was closing, he was wasted.  He got up to leave and fell flat on his face.  "Well, I don't want the bartender to think I'm drunk, so I'll pretend I tripped and I'll try it again." So he gets up and falls on his face. "Well, the door's not too far away; I'll just crawl." When he gets outside he thinks, "Well, I only live 4 blocks away; I can make it that far." So he stands up and falls on his face.  He decides he'll try it 1 block at a time, and at every block he falls flat on his face. Finally he makes it home, stands up and falls on the bed.  In the morning his wife wakes him up. "You were drunk again last night, weren't you?" "How did you know?" "The bartender called.  He said you left your wheelchair at the bar." Frederick's of Hollywood Women Want to Feel Beautiful. Speech impediment A guy with a speech impediment goes into a nut shop, and the first thing he notices is that the guy behind the counter has the largest nose he's ever seen in his life. The tongue-tied guy quickly turns his attention to the merchandise and asks... "ess-tues me ser?" "Yes sir" replied the clerk. "Tould you tale me how mutsh youre pisstasheos arr?" "Pistachio's? They're six dollars a pound." "SSit!" The tongue-tied guy goes back to browsing, and then asks "welp, how mutsh arr youre aahhmons?" "Almonds? They're seven fifty a pound." "SSIT!" Replied the tongue-tied man. "Welp, how bout youre pikanns?" "Pecans? They're on sale today...they're only four fifty a pound." "Welp...SSit.. just div me a poulnd of dose dhen." "Alrighty then," Says the clerk, and begins bagging up a pound of pecans. Then the tongue-tied guy says to the clerk, "Sirr, I just wana tay tank you fo not maken phun of de way I talk, cauz I tan't hep it." The clerk replies with a smile "Oh sir, you don't have to thank me for that... I don't make fun of anybody, for any thing! I don't know if you noticed or not, but I have a rather large nose." The tongue-tied guy replies, "Oh, is dat your noze? I tought dat wuz your dick, your nutz arr so damn high!" Click here to get Stolen Jokes everyday in your email Share us with a friend... http://www.stolen-jokes.com/sj_subscribe.html Must be 18 or older to join	Please Visit our Sponsors

Genie A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf.....Of course, the wife promptly whacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us." So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, "Come on in." When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window. A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?" "Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied. "Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you... You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself." "Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life." "No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!" "And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked. "I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said. "Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!" "And now," the couple asked in unison, what's your wish, genie?" "Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife." The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?" She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?" "You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. I'd do the same for you! So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?" "Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly. "No Kidding." He said, "Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?"