Suggestions sought

[Dan Fendel]

Chevrei,

I'm going to be on an interfaith panel (four panelists, including me) on May 6 on Death and Dying, which is part of a course entitled Weddings, Baptisms and Funerals at a local seminary. I was given this guidance:

A framing question for you to think about is: How can we understand the concept of and rituals related to dying, death and mourning in your tradition?

I'm to talk for 7-10 minutes, representing Jewish tradition.

I could probably talk easily for 2-3 hours, but 7-10 minutes is harder. 

I'm looking for your thoughts on how best to focus my brief allotment. (There will be some Q&A afterward, and the whole event will run about 1 1/2 hours.) 

Your suggestions are welcome.

Thanks,

Dan Fendel 

[Barbara Kavadias]

Dan, I would suggest thinking about what, to you, is the most important underlying value of why we do what we do (respect?  Honor?) and then build your presentation around that. Your outline could be:  this the most important value, this is how we express our commitment to it, this is what it means to me, the family or the community to experience this value. 

You should be able to do that in the time allotted. 

Sent from my iPhone

Barbara

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[Rick Light]

Dan,

To me our work is holy and important for these reasons:

• We have long-standing traditions for all phases of dying, caring for the dead, burial, and mourning.  These traditions actually create a foundation for the health of the community as a whole, eg. the mourning traditions help people gently get back into life in a healthy way after facing death head-on and being allowed to seriously mourn.
• We midwife souls from this world to the next (one of the most holy acts a person can participate in, in my opinion).
• Everything we do comes from the attitude of respect - respect for the body of the deceased, the soul of the deceased, the people involved in all aspects of caring for the dying, dead, and families who lost someone, the community of the deceased, and their mourning relatives left behind.
• We always preserve the dignity and modesty of the deceased and treat them gently and with loving care - something every human being deserves in death just as in birth.
• In most cities, all of the above is volunteer work for which there is no repayment other than the inner reflection that we did something good for someone who cannot repay us.

That might be enough to cover the bases.

Good luck.  I would love to see what you come up with as your final talk.

Many blessings,

       Rick

[cil...@comcast.net]

Dan -

 

Not surprisingly, I'd suggest you focus on vadod v'nichum - honor and comfort. If I were you, I'd mention shmira, since that seems to be unique to Judaism. You may also want to touch on shiva, sh'loshim, and yahrzeit. Sorry if all of this seems obvious.

Susan

__________
Read my blog at http://www.jewishjournal.com/religiousandreform

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From: "Dan Fendel" <dfe...@sfsu.edu>
To: jewish-...@googlegroups.com
Sent: Thursday, April 25, 2013 8:39:42 PM
Subject: [jewish-funerals] Suggestions sought

--

[Louise Chatlynne]

On one foot:

Jewish rituals allow the mourner time to mourn ("it's all right to cry")and then bring him back slowly to daily life. Death and funeral are not "closure", but steps in coming to terms with death.  Life will not be the same but life will go on.

1. In the time between death and burial the mourn. The mourner is left alone

2. During burial and shiva- the mourner's needs are taken care of by the community. Community helps the mourner store precious memories of the deceased by sharing stories of the deceased life.

3. During Sholshim - 30 days following the death (or year for parents), the mourner takes on the daily chores of life but refrains from participating in joyful gatherings such as musical events, parties (except weddings and bar mitzvahs, and relegious holiday observance)

4, After shloshim normal life is resumed.

These rituals are a guidelines to fall back on so the mourner doesn't have to figure it all out for himself in his time of grief.

________

Louise Chatlynne

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[Kerry Swartz]

Dan,

Since I've been running the KvN Twitter feed, there are many secular funeral groups who post something like "We're often asked about what happens about Jewish funerals" and then link to a short article from a number of sites. They'll list the mechanics of what to "expect" attending a Jewish funeral with little, of any, explanation behind rituals. Though more or less factual, it does little to teach our ways. I think it often marginalizes our practices rather than bridge the knowledge difference.

While we have tons of material, of course, I'm often drawn to Samuel Heilman's Book, When a Jew Dies. Wile it's partly the story of burying his father and the religious traditions associated with each stage of his journey, but as a cultural anthropologist, Heilman also details at length the social and psychological meanings of our practices. It's especially illuminating when he discusses the social impact of a death, the role of communal response (Chevra Kadisha), how the rituals and liturgy before, during and after a funeral reinforces Jewish identity and values, how mourning and bereavement practices are rooted in religious, historical and cultural ways different from mainstream society.

My 2¢ worth.

Kerry

Barbara Kavadias

April 29, 2013 6:22 am

Dan Fendel

April 25, 2013 8:39 pm

Chevrei,

I'm going to be on an interfaith panel (four panelists, including me) on May 6 on Death and Dying, which is part of a course entitled Weddings, Baptisms and Funerals at a local seminary. I was given this guidance:

[Fishel & Elianna]

Three points I would be sure to include
1) Our essential souls are all equal before our creator- from the holiest rabbi to the lowest criminal, each will have to answer for their deeds or their not doing what they were created to do- and they are buried in the same shrouds and the same plain pine box.

2) We believe the soul is somehow around/near near the body in the beginning, and has awareness of it. Also the body was created by HaShem to house the soul.  For both reasons it must be treated with the utmost respect, disturbed as little as possible, including being prepared for burial simply & quickly. Someone sits with the body till burial so that the possibly confused or distressed soul will not feel alone/abandoned. Because the blood is considered an essential part of the body, all of it must be buried with the body (tubes, bandages).   I would not bring up anything about what happens when Mashich comes- to a non Jewish audience.  (But if they are allowed to ask questions- I would have a simple answer worked out in case someone asks)

3) Mourning is very structured to support the living with the loss they have experienced, and then encourage the living to move on, while still respecting there has been a loss to us and the value of the life that has ended.  Immediate funeral, shiva, shloshim and yartzeits- but the kadish prayer celebrates life and HaShem's power.

You don't have to tell them everything!

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[Deborah Brown]

Hi Dan, My thought is the same as Barbara's. Maybe "kavod v'nichum" ?

 

Deborah

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[LGP...@aol.com]

disagree with focusing on Shmira

Shmira  developed so that mice  and other  small animals dont  nibble  body in  pre-freezer  days  

This is specifically mentioned  in the talmud

 

In a message dated 4/30/2013 5:23:31 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, cil...@comcast.net writes:

Dan -

 

Not surprisingly, I'd suggest you focus on vadod v'nichum - honor and comfort. If I were you, I'd mention shmira, since that seems to be unique to Judaism. You may also want to touch on shiva, sh'loshim, and yahrzeit. Sorry if all of this seems obvious.

Susan

__________
Read my blog at http://www.jewishjournal.com/religiousandreform

---

From: "Dan Fendel" <dfe...@sfsu.edu>
To: jewish-...@googlegroups.com
Sent: Thursday, April 25, 2013 8:39:42 PM
Subject: [jewish-funerals] Suggestions sought

Chevrei,

I'm going to be on an interfaith panel (four panelists, including me) on May 6 on Death and Dying, which is part of a course entitled Weddings, Baptisms and Funerals at a local seminary. I was given this guidance:

A framing question for you to think about is: How can we understand the concept of and rituals related to dying, death and mourning in your tradition?

I'm to talk for 7-10 minutes, representing Jewish tradition.

I could probably talk easily for 2-3 hours, but 7-10 minutes is harder. 

I'm looking for your thoughts on how best to focus my brief allotment. (There will be some Q&A afterward, and the whole event will run about 1 1/2 hours.) 

Your suggestions are welcome.

Thanks,

Dan Fendel 

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