Ideas for your

[LGP...@aol.com]

Perhaps some ideas that have worked for me in similar situations

We  all  need  ,  we  all actually crave structure  in life  especially when we  have  an incomprehensible mystery called “dead”.

There is one appointment  we will all keep  and we just don’t know when ;and when that doe s happen to someone close  to us as much as we know it will happen  and expect it ; its  still is a  shock and    something within  us is lost ,  ripped. A  link  in a  chain is  gone and  we need to find  a way  to  repair  that link.

The  deceased plays the star  role ,the central  part  and the family with the community  are the  supporting cast and the  star is  gone  and  we  are  bewildered and lost..

At this point specific  rules   and guideline’s  take  over. Our traditions and  religion  has  very specific  steps to help us  heal this breach ,  and  reconnect  the links  or  our  relationship with  society.

We  sit Shiva in a  low chair(In Talmudic  times on the floor)  because  we are closer  to the ground  where  the  deceased  lies ; w e are still very much  connected  to the deceased and  cant believe they are gone  ;  the  community  joins  us  for  minyan in the home of  the deceased  easing the way  for the deceased  to leave its body and for us  to know  that this  is part of  living.. Shiva  is  followed  by sholoshim  and 11 months of  saying kaddish- all specific  steps to ease our  road  back.

We don’t mention Gods name in kaddish as  we  are all somewhat angry at god-  why  our beloved  was taken  from us  yet we recognize  the  might and majesty   that kaddish is; its powerful.

Right after the funeral  there is  a   tradition in mnay communities  to form an aisle , kaddoish  is  said  and  sentence that usually reads     “this- kable tzaloson “  which  translates from Aramic   “ accept our prayers  is omitted  at this  special  kaddish  a s it is  omitted at kaddish  Da’rabban all during the  11 months of  kaddish  as we can't ask  God  at this point  to  accept-we  don't want to pray to a  god  that  took our  parents or  child or  beloved . Our  Rabbis in their  wisdom  understood this and the most pious  of  Jews  omits  this  all year round.

We never forget   the deceased and  we set aside  Yizkor  and  Yahrzeit so  the memory is never  totally  gone. The link is never gone and we are all part of  a long chain.

There is much more  to  say regarding the  cultural  -anthropological aspects of  dead  and  dying

Hope  this  helps a  bit

 

isaac  Pollak