Tahara and Embalming
bubbyone
A longtime congregant passed away Friday evening. There will be a
military full honors ceremony at Arlington Cemetery, but the wait at
Arlington is 2-4 months. The family would like shomrim and tahara. Our
rabbi will perform the funeral service this week at our synagogue --
but because the rules for Arlington Cemetery are so strict, the
funeral home has recommended embalming either before or after tahara.
The funeral director explained to me that Arlington Cemetery has very
strict rules and will cancel a funeral if there are any odors or
leakage.
The other possibility is refrigeration, but the cost for that long a
time period is prohibitive.
So, the question the rabbi asked me to post here is -- under these
circumstances, could embalming be done, and could tahara be done
either before or after embalming?
Thank you.
Lynne Sandler
Agudas Achim Congregation
Alexandria, VA
David Zinner
This seems to be an issue to ask the help of Jewish chaplaincy or your
members of Congress to speed up burial.
posted for Diane Tepfer
Washington, DC - the home of Taxation without Representation
by David Zinner
David Zinner
1. Have the family consider other burial locations including other
Verteran's cemeteries
2. Sometimes there are cancellations on the Arlington waiting list - let
them know that you will take any earlier time that is not on Shabbat. We
were told 4-6 weeks, but got in in two weeks because of a cancellation.
3. Refrigeration should be just as effective as embalming. A reduced
daily rate from the funeral home should be able to be negotiated. There
is no extra cost to the funeral home since they run their refrigeration
around the clock. It is only a question of space.
4. I hadn't heard about Arlington rules regarding smell or leakage. I'd
ask the funeral director to show you that information in writing, or
give you a contact number where you can obtain the rules. Lois provided
two books to us - A Guide to Burial at Arlington National Cemetery and
Federal Benefits for Veterans and Dependents. Neither mention smell or
leakage.
5. You could do the tahara and not put the body in the casket during
refrigeration. This prevents the wood of the casket from warping or
getting wet. On the day of the funeral, a representative of the Chevra
Kadisha could meet with the funeral director and assess the situation.
If there is leakage, the casket could be lined with plastic. If there is
a smell, there is powder that will address that situation.
6. Shmira is the most challenging - I'd suggest setting up a few evening
slots - say from 6-10 - and see if you can get volunteers to cover them.
If not, reduce the hours. If you have many more requests, add slots.
David Zinner, Executive Director
Kavod v’Nichum
8112 Sea Water Path
Columbia, MD 21045
410-733-3700
in...@jewish-funerals.org
www.Jewish-funerals.org
The 2008 Chevra Kadisha conference was in Edison, New Jersey on June 1st, 2nd and 3rd
Ilene Rubenstein
dialogue about whether or not tahara can/should be
provided when cremation is planned.
I did not chime in, partly because my halachic
knowledge is so limited, and partly because I wasn't
sure how to express my thoughts in a way that would
not reveal family information that should remain
private.
My own feelings on the subject are mixed, and I am
grateful that I do not need to be making official
decisions in this area. The head of my chevra makes
these decisions in consultation with our
congregational rabbi, and I comply.
I particularly liked the idea of the Chevra performing
teshuva on behalf of the met. Although I agree with
the posted comment that we must each do our own
teshuva, and that this cannot be done for us, we have
all, at times, offered prayers on behalf of others.
The Torah is full of stories of sacrifices that have
been made for the benefit of someone else. So, the
metaphor of the Chevra Kadisha doing so one last time,
is quite beautiful. But I don't think it can be done
in contradition to the wishes of the met.
Two years ago, my father-in-law passed away very
suddenly. He had expressed his desire for cremation,
and, for a variety of reasons, I had not had the
opportunity to "educate" him to the merits of our
traditional practices.
Not only had he requested cremation, he also said he
did not want a formal funeral service at a funeral
home. I personally find cremation repugnant, but the
family and I all felt that we must honor his wishes.
But we also felt that forgoing a service was going too
far. A life must be honored.
A beautiful, well-attended at-home service was
arranged through my community. However, shmira and
tahara were not.
As a member of the chevra kadisha it pained me that
there would be no shmira or tahara, but I recognize
that there are always consequences to the choices that
we make.
I feel that as important as it is for us to reach out
to all Jews who need us, it is also important to
recognize that we cannot be all things to all people.
If we try, we risk losing who we are and what we stand
for. And if we allow that to happen, then we will not
have much left to offer anyone.
Nevertheless, in the end, I also feel we must comply
with the stated wishes of the deceased. We do not
honor the dead if we (the survivors, or the chevra)
act in ways that contradict their wishes, no matter
how "right" we think we are.
Having said that, I want to make a few final comments.
I strongly agree with making a distinction between
those who choose cremation and those who commit
suicide. Although I oppose cremation, I recognize that
I must respect those who disagree and have no right to
assume that they were in any kind of mentally
diminished state when making that choice. Ideally,
opportunities will exist for families to discuss their
choices and consequences (i.e., the possible loss of
tahara), but this may not always be the case,
particularly if those involved were not affiliated
with a Jewish community.
There have been a number of "Bills of Rights" to
protect consumers. Perhaps, statements of which
traditional rituals and practices will be sacrificed
should be added to all contracts regarding cremation.
Even this may not work, since it is the survivors who
typically see these documents, but to the extent that
people look into these matters in advance, it might
help.
Secondly, I am releived to hear that the Rabbis have
been taking a more enlightened and compassionate
stance regarding suicide. I cannot think of a soul in
more anquish, and hence in greater need of shmira and
tahara, than that of a suicide. Similarly, the grief
of the survivors in such instance is compounded
exponentially. To add to that grief, by denying these
last acts of kindness to their loved ones, would be
cruel beyond belief.
Lastly, it is my understanding that tahara is also
witheld in instances of murder. It was explained to me
that this is to express our outrage to the Court on
High as to what happened to this individual. I
understand the logic, but I don't agree with it at
all. Although in some instances, the damage to the
body may render tahara impossible, if it is physically
possible, I feel tahara should be done - both to
comfort the soul of the met, and to comfort the
survivors with the knowledge that some kindness was
shown to their loved one. G-d does not need us to
withold loving kindness to know that we are outraged.
More important that the final physical acts
experienced by the met should be loving, not violent.
With respect to all who struggle with these difficult
issues,
Ilene
Ilene Rubenstein
delay in burials at Arlington, that I started to draft
a letter to my Senators and Congressman urging them to
introduce legislation that would rectify this
situation.
Then I experienced a dilemma. I kept waivering on
whether or not to speak as not only a concerned
citizen, but also a member of the Chevra Kadisha. On
the one hand, there is our tradition of serving
anonymously. On the other hand, it occurred to me that
this might strengthen the position I was taking in the
letter because it substantiates my knowledge of Jewish
burial customs. It also seemed to be an apropriate
opportunity to highlight the importance and
seriousness of the work of the Chevra Kadisha in
preserving our traditions, and also in bettering our
world.
Below is the text of the letter so far:
I have recently learned that there can be a prolonged
delay of 2-4 months for burials at Arlington National
Cemetery. I found this to be deeply disturbing.
I am sure you know that for Jews and Muslims (and
perhaps other groups as well) rapid burial is a
critical requirement of traditional funeral practices.
Yet, the current policies and procedures at Arlington
make this impossible. I do not feel that a family
should have to choose between the full honors burial
at Arlington that their loved one merits, and
complying with the practices of their faith. A country
based on pluralism such as ours should be able to find
a way to accommodate both- honoring our veterans and
respecting their religion.
This is not an issue that affects Jews or Muslims
alone. Prolonging that limbo period between death and
burial cannot be healthy for anyone. Mourners need to
grieve and start to heal in an appropriately timely
manner.
As a citizen who appreciates the sacrifices of our
veterans, I am writing to urge you to introduce
legislation that would mandate prompt burials at
Arlington for those who have earned this honor and
privilege.
***********************************
I value the opinions of those who participate in this
listserve, so please let me know whether you think I
should or should not include a reference to myself as
a Chevra Kadisha participant. Do you think it would
strengthen the letter? Do you think it is appropriate?
By the way, if anyone else would like to contact their
elected officials, feel free to use any part of my
note that you would like in a message of your own.
I look forward to your advice.
Ilene
Susan Grumer
I replied to the digest I get from my email. I am not sure that it
will make it to you. After sending, I clicked on the link and saw the
other two emails - which may be more helpful than mine. but, I am
sending this to you, so you can see my thoughts on the subject.
...........
Some years ago our Chevre did a tahara for a Meta who was to be sent
to Florida for burial. (We are in Pennsylvania). Because of this, she
had to be embalmed. This was done before the tahara.
It was a different experience for all of us, knowing she was embalmed,
but there was no choice. The embalming should be before the tahara,
because we would not want the Meta disturbed afterwards.
Just a note, my mother died some 13 years ago while in Israel. We
brought her body here to be buried next to my father. They also had
to embalm my mother, after which they did the tahara and then put her
on a plane to the US.
I hope this helps.
L'shalom,
Susan Grumer
Kesher Israel Congregation
West Chester, PA
Ilene Rubenstein
expertise in these matters, and I have no experience
in this area at all, but I did have some, perhaps
naive, thoughts and reactions to share.
I do not feel that the family should have to forgo the
order to be able to comply with the practices of our
faith, though I recognize that this may be the most
pragmatic solution. A country based on plurarlism such
as ours should be able to find a way to accomodate
their elected officials to intervene on their behalf,
and I hope even more fervently that those officials
will be successful.
But this is not an issue that effects Jews (or Muslims
who also require rapid burial) alone. Prolonging that
limbo period we call aninut – the phase of mourning
between death and burial - cannot be healthy for
delay yet another cost of the War in Iraq?)
This seems to be an important opportunity for the
Chevra Kadisha to extend itself beyond its usual
parameters in the interests of Tikun Olam. Perhaps
Chevra Kadisha groups could take the lead in calling
for legislation that would require more expeditious
burial at Arlington for all veterans.
In the immediate case, clearly providing shmira in
this instance would be beyond the capability of almost
any single Chevra Kadisha. But it is not impossible.
Would it be possible to contact the other Chevra's in
the area to formulate a plan to share shmira, with
each group taking responsibility for a certain period
of time (ex., the days, the evenings, this week or
that week)?
Actually, since shmira requires only a brief
orientation, and not the technical training of tahara,
perhaps appeals could be made to the various
synagogues in the area for additional volunteers.
Though this situation is challenging, it can be done.
Shmira has been provided in other extended instances.
The vigil kept by the Stern College students in NYC
after 9/11 comes to mind.
With sincere condolances to the family,
Ilene
Saul Guberman
I do not feel that the family should have to forgo the
full honors burial at Arlington that their loved one
merits, and be forced to make other arrangements in
order to be able to comply with the practices of our
faith, though I recognize that this may be the most
pragmatic solution. A country based on plurarlism such
as ours should be able to find a way to accomodate
both- honoring our veterans and respecting their
religion. So, I hope the family will prevail upon
their elected officials to intervene on their behalf,
and I hope even more fervently that those officials
will be successful.
I went to the Arlington site http://www.arlingtoncemetery.org/index.htm and found the following info.
They do about 27 burials a day.
Burials are Monday - Friday 9:00 -3:00 no legal holidays.
All graves are required to have a cement liner that the casket is placed into.
Waiting time for burial is from 1 weeks to a few months.
I am not sure how the government would get rid of this backlog and/or bump people once dates have been given out.
I think the graveliners have halachic implications.
From the website, it did not seem that there is a Jewish section of the cemetery. This also has certain halachic implications.
While being buried in Arlington is most definitely a national honor. Is it a Halachically Jewish honor?
BTW, the military will do a full honors funeral in the cemetary of your choosing. I had a family friend who was killed in Iraq. He is buried in my parent's shul's cemetery (Orthodox).
Saul
Laurie Dinerstein-Kurs
government's nonsensical procedures another avenue that might be explored is
doing what could be seen as the best for the deceased and bury him as soon
as possible in any grave. He can be buried on condition that he will be
dis-interred at some future time and re-buried in Arlington. For those
chevres that would be concerned that Arlington is not a Jewish
cemetery..this could conceivably pose another delicate issue. Perhaps
Arlington needs a Jewish section?....
I wonder if the expense for a "long" wait would be equal to re-interment???
A quick burial would solve the problem of shomrim.
Embalming is not permitted in the view of many chevres. To do so is called
Nivul Hamet (desecrating the deceased). According to some chevre belief
systems, if he is intentionally embalmed (his choice), no Taharah would be
done because they would feel that what the Taharah accomplishes will not
affect this person because he intentionally wanted to violate the Laws of
Moses. This is totally different from the case of someone being embalmed
without his consent, and then others becoming aware of it, in which case
even the most traditional chevres would most likely believe a Taharah should
most definitely be performed.
We are not all of the same mind, we all see things differently, we interpret
these minhags and halachot differently...ask two rabbis...get three answers.
B'Shalom,
Laurie
-----Original Message-----
From: jewish-...@googlegroups.com
[mailto:jewish-...@googlegroups.com] On Behalf Of Ilene Rubenstein
Sent: Sunday, August 17, 2008 9:44 AM
To: jewish-...@googlegroups.com
Subject: [jewish-funerals] burial at Arlington
David has once again shown his incredibly encyclopedic
expertise in these matters, and I have no experience
in this area at all, but I did have some, perhaps
naive, thoughts and reactions to share.
I do not feel that the family should have to forgo the
full honors burial at Arlington that their loved one
merits, and be forced to make other arrangements in
order to be able to comply with the practices of our
faith, though I recognize that this may be the most
pragmatic solution. A country based on plurarlism such
as ours should be able to find a way to accomodate
both- honoring our veterans and respecting their
religion. So, I hope the family will prevail upon
their elected officials to intervene on their behalf,
and I hope even more fervently that those officials
will be successful.
But this is not an issue that effects Jews (or Muslims
who also require rapid burial) alone. Prolonging that
Ralph Zuckman
On the question of concrete graveliners.
It has been determined that there are no Halachic implications. In fact, Rabbi Moishe Finkelstein has written that concrete liners with an open bottom can be used.
Ralph Zuckman
bubbyone
I appreciate the sincere outpouring of advice and condolence that
accompanied our dilemma regarding a long delay for burial at Arlington
Cemetery. Some quick reactions.
1) There are many reasons to bash government, but this is not one of
them. Arlington is very responsive to requests for quicker burials on
religious grounds when "simple honors" (i.e., graveside) services are
requested. The sheer volume of dying WWII veterans and fallen active
duty soldiers makes a more rapid response than a week or two
difficult. But our congregant was a high-ranking officer, entitled to
"full honors," for which the waiting period is legitimately two months
or more because of the excruciating respect afforded to each fallen
serviceperson -- nothing is rushed to "squeeze in" another service.
(If you want to reduce the wait for burials at Arlington, work hard
for peace.)
2) Another military cemetery is not an option; he stipulated
Arlington. While my first priority is always Jewish tradition, like so
many others, the meit had a dual identity that defined his adult life.
His service in every war from WWII through Vietnam, and reserve duty
afterward, was as important to him as and an extension of his very
traditional Jewish identity. Technically, he should not be buried in a
non-Jewish cemetery! But if we accept this honor due to his military
service, then we accept the context of providing it and look for
p'shara, some middle ground.
3) The suggestions about negotiating costs, regulations and
restrictions require time, and time is not available. Like so many
others, the meit did not make "pre-arrangements," and died erev
Shabbat besides. The funeral home was wonderful, but Arlington didn't
open until 9:00 this morning (Monday).
4) Shipping remains to Israel for burial requires that taharah is
followed by embalming (when it takes place) and sealing in a
container. While the mitzvah of burial in Israel is of an entirely
different order than these circumstances, it seems to me that the
sequence makes sense. Arlington indeed can refuse for burial any
remains that are not self-contained, and only sealing the container
(actually, a bag similar to biohazard containers) can guarantee that a
further delay will not take place.
5) There is also the matter of comforting the family. I won't go into
the details of this particular situation, but I'll hint by saying the
widow suffered and witnessed more in her European youth than any of us
can imagine.
So what did we decide (after I consulted with my teachers)? Our chevra
did full taharah last night. The embalming took place this morning,
including re-dressing the corpse appropriately. A bag of earth and a
packet of soil from Israel were spread around the meit to provide a
symbolic burial within the container before it was sealed. Having
"buried" him, no further shmirah will take place. A memorial service
will be held this week, shivah to follow. After we have the military
service, the family will sit symbolically again for a few hours.
You are all welcome to argue the pros and cons of our approach to this
situation. It requires a certain innovation because the circumstances
are not addressed at all in traditional literature. If the paradigm
has shifted (and it has), then traditional practice must become a
foundation, not a ceiling, for the new paradigm. At the same time, I
am agonizingly aware of the power of precedent, and I know I must
invest time in teaching about this situation to keep context in
focus.
Thank you again for all of your suggestions. Your group is a sacred
and invaluable resource.
Rabbi Jack Moline
Libby Bottero
I think this was a very thoughtful and sensitive and practical solution
to the problem presented. The met was given the honor of taharah as a
Jew including earth from Israel, and he will be given the honor of a
military funeral in Arlington later on as we wished. This honors his
real life and commitment, as both a Jew and an American soldier. My Dad
was a career Army officer (he was present at the liberation of Dachau)
so I can understand the situation. You and the family have done great
honor to the memory of the individual by respecting both Jewish and
military custom. I love your phrase about tradition as a foundation and
not a ceiling. Kol ha kavod! A difficult job very well done!
Libby
Ilene Rubenstein
for helping me gain a better understanding of funerals
at Arlington. I see now that my indignation at the
delays may have been misplaced, though I do wish more
could be done to accomodate the needs of religious
groups that require truly rapid burial without having
to opt for "simple" rather than "full" honors.
I guess Arlington, like the Chevra Kadisha does the
best it can.
Kol HaKavod to Rabbi Molina and your Chevra for a
truly insightful, reasoned and compassionate approach
to this situation. I too loved what you said about our
tradition serving as a foundation and not a ceiling.
Your chevra's response gave real meaning and substance
to your words and provided a beautiful example of
halacha as a living breathing system.
Thank you for what you have taught us all.
Ilene
Bruce (Taharaman)
However, for the future. I spoke with my rabbanim. The overwhelming
majority opinion is that it is an Issur D'Oraita (Forbidden in Torah)
to not bury the same day. This is why in Jerusalem, except on
Shabbos, burial takes place 24 hours a day. They wait for no one.
Outside of Israel, there are some opinions that allow for waiting a
day, maybe two, for "important" people to arrive to give Kavod Mais.
BUT, since embalming is not allowed in halacha, it is here also out of
the question halachically. And while burial in Arlington is certainly
an honor from the standpoint of secular reasoning, Jewish Kavod is to
burial rapidly to allow the neshama to begin its ascent. Also,
Arlington is not consecrated as a Jewish cemetery. Not any part of
it. And we want to bury our dead in a Jewish cemetery. (Would they
allow for the consecration of an individual grave and the required
fencing/separation {by bushes even}?
It comes down to: Are we giving Jewish honor to the deceased, or non-
Jewish.
Boruch (Bruce) Bloom
Los Angeles
Regina Sandler-Phillips
I'm running with Hi-Ho preparations for a brand-new congregation, and
haven't been able to weigh in lately on these discussions. However,
I'd like to respond to a couple of points (and to acknowledge the
previous words of Rabbi Jack Moline, whose perspective appears to be
similar to mine):
Boruch (Bruce) asks whether we are giving Jewish or non-Jewish (i.e.,
American) honor to the deceased. For me, this is similar to the
question "Do you walk to work, or do you carry your lunch?" To
paraphrase the great 20th century rabbi Mordecai M. Kaplan, we as
modern (if not post-modern) Jews live in two civilizations, and our
Jewish lives are deeply and intimately influenced by both. As Rabbi
Moline indicated, some Jewish veterans indeed consider honor to their
military service as a JEWISH honor, given the complicated
relationships between Jews and citizenship (not to mention Jews and
the military) for so much of our history.
It is true that, according to a strict interpretation of Deuteronomy
21:22-23 (the very laconic halakhic source of ALL of our burial
practices, which literally deals with the disposition of the bodies of
executed criminals), Jews are to be buried on the day of death
(excluding Shabbat and certain festivals). However, the halakhah
lema'aseh (agreed practice) in the majority of our Jewish communities
is that the meit/ah is buried as soon as it is possible and feasible
to assemble relatives and friends after death. There is a delicate
balance of k'vod hameit (honor to the dead) and k'vod hahai (honor to
the living) involved here.
Since our Jewish families are increasingly far-flung, this means that
it is not unusual for Jewish burial to take place up to 72 hours after
death (this is also common when death occurs on Thursdays). I believe
that the primary challenges here concern sh'mirah, and this is why
sacred fellowships committed to sh'mirah as well as taharah need to
recruit far greater numbers of shomrim than taharah team members.
Fortunately, in my experience, more people are generally willing to
commit to sh'mirah than to taharah as well.
Our Hevra Kadisha at Park Slope Jewish Center (PSJC) in Brooklyn, NY
currently maintains a roster of 75+ volunteers (representing about one
out of every 7 adult members), of whom roughly two-thirds are on call
only for sh'mirah. We have gone through a number of recent
mobilizations that lasted more than 40 hours--and involved as many
volunteers in keeping the vigil around the clock.
PSJC Rabbi Carie Carter has also encouraged "viritual sh'mirah" for
extended periods when neither burial nor actual sh'mirah is possible
(such as a parent's death during the hurricane season in Florida a few
years ago). This involves each individual taking discretionary /
meditative time at some point during the day to read Psalms or
otherwise send respectful, reassuring attention toward the deceased--
wherever s/he may be.
Finally, the situation in Israel is complicated by the fact that
municipal Hevra Kadisha groups are composed of unionized employees
(Jerusalem is unique in that it is home to about a dozen HK groups,
most organized along ethnic lines). There have, in fact, been times
when Israeli Hevra Kadisha groups have gone on strike--and burials
have been delayed for that reason.
As always, the bottom line for our sacred fellowship work: We do the
best we can in each situation.
With many blessings for this Season of Turning and beyond,
Regina
Rabbi Regina L. Sandler-Phillips, MSW, MPH
Founding Chair, PSJC Hevra Kadisha
"We sustain the poor...and visit the sick...
and bury the dead...and comfort the bereaved...
for these are ways of peace."
(Jerusalem Talmud, Tractate Gittin)
>
> - Show quoted text -
Laurie Dinerstein-Kurs
My thoughts and beliefs that I share below were my thoughts and beliefs long
before you wrote your letter. Your letter just gave me the impetus to
express them.
I was reading your response below...and was doing fine till the part that
stated: "For me, this is similar to the question "Do you walk to work, or do
you carry your lunch?"
I would offer the opinion that the suggestion from Bruce that questions:
"are we giving Jewish or non-Jewish (i.e., American) honor to the deceased."
is a perfectly legit inference. And so, the comment, ""Do you walk to work,
or do you carry your lunch?" to me, implies that in your opinion, his take
on what he perceives as appropriate ways to perform the honorable work of
Chevre Kadisha is so off base that there is no connection between his two
objects of concern; 1) are we giving Jewish or 2)non-Jewish (i.e., American)
honor to the deceased.
Other traditions certainly have their way of giving honor to their dead...I
do doubt though that we need to encourage, aid, support or promote our
moving closer to the contemporary practices of "America" as in: Irish
funeral practices, or those of the Anabaptists, Baptists, Mennonites,
Brethren, Evangelical Free, and any other variety of the 500+ Christian
communities in America and FURTHER away from our own roots.
While we may agree that as Americans we may "live in two worlds", I don't
necessarily agree that as formal Chevre Kadisha Societies - aka the Holy
Burial Society - it is for us to bend to the side of being "American" more
than we are to follow what has been laid out before us in our own tradition.
How far removed do chevre's need to get from Jewishly established time
honored rituals and rites before the entire Tahara will be nothing more than
an "American" funeral with some remote connection to our Jewish tradition?
When we as a chevre participate (as in go along with, permit, ignore, etc.)
in Jews "viewing the body" (more than an ID peek), how much closer to the
viewing of a body at a wake can we get? Not to even mention the meal of
consolation in the Shiva house turning into a festive wake itself....When we
as a chevre participate in Jews choosing to cremate...any Christian sect
will do. When as a chevre we participate in a families desire to have their
deceased be dressed in clothes AND/OR include personal items in the
aron...when we too often have little issue with embalming for some reason
not truly required...WE will have left US behind and morphed into THEM.
It is in my humble opinion, that as a sacred society, we should be intent on
having standards that cannot be diluted so easily on whims, wants and fads.
Maybe there needs to be a UNIVERSAL MISSION STATEMENT that elucidates what
the soul and spirit of Chevre Kadisha stands for...what we will do: maybe
allow for more, but certainly not less.
I was really surprised to read of the "virtual sh'mirah". On one hand the
thought to have a point during the day to read Psalms or otherwise send
shmira is all about - guarding the body. Perhaps we don't have to concern
ourselves with body snatchers...we do still have to concern ourselves with
protecting the Mait. One example: Though articles like the one I saw last
week appear from time to time, nowadays it seems to be quite
prevalent...people with access to our dead...stealing skin and body parts to
sell - BIG MONEY!!
A last point: Obviously a "virtual shmira" as you described cannot protect
the sanctity of our departed...kavod Ha mait is our mantra...it guides most
all we do....Judaism's breathtakingly perfect response to kavod - shmira -
will also be lost if down the pike we start to accept the premise of virtual
shmira. Sooner or later this option might become the more "American/popular"
choice (as did all the previous mentioned issues), and kavod Ha mait will
lose yet another notch. A slippery slope.
I guess we need to think about: what are we doing to this most compassionate
and holy Jewish ritual? We inherited a rich, beautiful, wise,
tradition...chevre's a generation ago, for the most part, followed and
maintained certain standards, and in our lifetime - how are we participating
in its possible demise - as we know it! And, what exactly are we passing on
to the generations behind us? What are we teaching the new generation of
members about Judaism, tradition, halacha and kavod, and integrity to uphold
values? L'Dor v'Dor...(from generation to generation).
Oh well....those are just my thoughts ..I guess you can tell where I stand
on all these issues!!! :)
B'Shalom,
Laurie
-----Original Message-----
Ilene Rubenstein
how passionately we all feel about preserving the
traditions that are so sacred to all of us.
But as I tried to state in an earlier posting a while
ago, when it comes to balancing the two worlds we live
in (being Jewish and being American), I'd rather see
us come at the questions that are raised from a
different perspective. I agree that maintaining our
traditional practices, as they have been handed down
to us, is an extremely priority, and I also agree that
if we allow our heritage to be diluted, eventually we
won't have a heritage of our own. I agree that the
slope can be slippery, but there is also a need for
compassion and flexibility, which are not necessarily
the same as diluting what is sacred. Halacha has
always been fluid, and we have always turned to our
Rabbis for guidance as to how we can meet the demands
of a current situation within the framework we have
been given. For example, the poignant story we read
several months ago about a teddy bear being tucked
into a child's coffin.
I don't think people should have to choose between two
identities that were important to a meit. Although we
must be careful to protect our heritage, I think an
equally important question should be how can we change
the way things are done so that people aren't faced
with this choice of which way they'd like to be
honored- Jewish or American.
I'd like to see the Chevra Kadisha movement work with
governmental institutions, such as Arlington for
example, to guide them towards practices that are
compatible with the various religious tenets of all
Americans who have served their country. This could
include exploring ways of setting aside Jewishly
sanctified burial space (either as a separate section,
or via bushes or fences around an individual grave as
was suggested earlier), mandating rapid burial etc.
These are issues that concern other groups as well as
Jews. This might even be an excellent area for
Jewish-Muslim collaboration. It would be a challenge
logistically, but where there's a will, there's a way
and solutions can be found when people work together.
A word about the "virtual shmira" that my community
has participated in on a few occaisions, since this
seems to have caused some confusion for Laurie, and
possibly for others. This is NOT something we do
lightly as a more convenient alternative to an actual
shmira. When the meit is in our area, we provide an
actual shmira (if this is what the family wants). Sad
to say, even in this day and age, physical guarding of
the body is still as important as the spiritual
comfort shmira provides to the soul.
If the meit is not in our area, I am under the
impression that our Rabbi guides the members involved
in trying to arrange shmira through the local
community where the body is actually being held. It is
my understanding that there have been a few instances
when it was not possible to arrange a shmira. I don't
remember the circumstances or exact details of why an
actual shmira could not be arranged. What I do
remember was the Rabbi making a request of our
community and the community responding. We all agreed
that providing some measure of kavod hamet was better
than none at all. As we always say, we do the best we
can. In those instances, "virtual shmira" really was
the best we could do. And the feedback we received was
that it was a tremendous comfort to the mourners to
know that at least this was being done.
Ilene
=== message truncated ===
Laurie Dinerstein-Kurs
On one hand I agree with everything you stated.....on the other hand, I have
pangs of discomfort with most all.
Let me say at the outset, however, while my "pangs" of discomfort are very
discomforting....I do realize that for the most part, my views are very
narrow, as in...leave well enough alone. I also do realize that many Jewish
people in today's America are either ignorant of the tradition or know it,
and want it to change.
I do believe that for the edification of our people and the continuation of
our culture, ...we need to be doing a better job in educating our MOT's of
our traditions. BUT, I know - from my very own community - it is not just
a huge challenge...it seems close to impossible. My hat is off to the
community in Canada that has managed to incorporate great programming into
its schools, and the whole community is on board!! :)
Perhaps, IF our traditional practices were more open to the public's
awareness, IF more rabbis spoke of it consistently from the Bima, IF the
info was made more readily available - maybe in adult ed, rabbis classes, ,
IF Tahara was taught in Hebrew Schools as part of life Cycle events - maybe
MAYBE, this would all be a moot point.
As things are, I feel quite regretful that the alternative to having a
knowledgeable community is a "watering down" our long standing traditions.
To be American has very little to do with being Jewish &/or Tahara....at
least in my view. Nothing in America says you have to dilute, change,
eliminate, discard, revamp or otherwise alter tahara as it has been known.
I think there is a confusion regarding what is understood to be the
"traditional expectations of Tahara" and "America". I don't see these two
elements as part of an equation where TAHARA = AMERICA of vice versa. Two
separate and equal entities that can both stand on their own - and have. I
think the confusion stems from those who are trying to add the "=" sign....
As to virtual shmira...while I stated I can appreciate it for what it is as
used today...it is my concern that due to our ability and willingness to
veer toward the "easier' path...given enough time, the immediate reasons for
the virtual shmira...will eventually snowball into an acceptable standard at
any time.
So, I remain the ultimate optimist that things (Tahara) should/can continue
as it has for eons....I am not of the opinion that we as Jews have to
change, alter, succumb, delete, modify, abbreviate, or substitute anything
to feel we are American. I do realize this is probably a minority
opinion...and that's fine. But, that is me! :)
GRI...@aol.com
Psssst...Have you heard the news? There's a new fashion blog, plus the latest fall trends and hair styles at StyleList.com.
Laurie Dinerstein-Kurs
Well Mel…I was playing Scrabble when your note popped up….and I don’t quit Scrabble easily! So - I am moved to respond to your comments requiring me to leave my game!! J
I can see that you have broken down these “needs” into 4 groups. In my humble opinion…there lies the basic flaw. From my perspective there is but ONE group….
Before I go further, let me qualify my remark by suggesting that # 1 and # 4 are part and parcel of the same #.
I don’t believe that the great rabbis of yore, that initially developed the tradition of Tahara…had #’s 2 or 3 in mind. IF the rabbis were truly concerned MORE about individual feelings then focused on the MAIT, then having expensive arons, oodles of flowers and mait’s dressed to the 9’s would not have been seen to be counter to the
overall concept of what was trying to be accomplished. The family attending were, for the most part, in the background, so to speak…they were not to be focused on in a way that would usurp what was the initial intent of showing total respect for the mait. Solely the mait. That we are succumbing to what other traditions find important, such as personal and individual and family wants….does not mean that by doing so we are maintaining or – improving OUR tradition – it just makes ours look more like theirs.
I have to reiterate a thought from past posts….I truly believe it is the lack of awareness by most contemporary Jews of their own tradition. I seem to remember in the 60’s…so many contemporary Jewish friends – with little Jewish education – were impressed and moved by reading the philosophies as put forth by the Buddah – even flocking to India to sit at his feet and take in his words. In 1994, as Rodger Kamenetz, the author of the Jew In The Lotus learned, he didn’t have to look outside his own tradition…his tradition was rich enough, and exquisite enough, and fulfilling enough – that in the end, he realized that “they” were actually looking to us for answers.
Mel, I think you hit the nail on the head when you posed this: “Question is: whose needs are we filling when we "do" chevra kadisha?
If you were asking the rabbis who created this practice, I think they would not hesitate to say it is strictly – and only - for the Mait. We are to honor, respect, compassion, etc. THE MAIT.
Where did the idea arise that OUR needs should be met? In the “ME” society of the culture? Jewish tradition, the mourner’s needs are met during Shiva and Shloshim and forward. I am of the opinion that to suggest that rather than teach, educate, instill knowledge, broaden awareness, and remain diligent to OUR tradition, we will slowly but definitely eat away and erode our sacred, holy, formal procedure as we know it, and another Jewish tradition hits the dust.
I am not happy when our Jewishness is weakened because - like a child – we want what we want – and we want it without considering its consequences. How narcissistic do we have to be to tell a chevre (whose knowledgeable, professional)…how it has to be done and either you do it their way – or it won’t be done. The fact that we want it, and if we don’t get it – we “take our ball and go home” speaks volumes. How meaningful can it be to someone who will give ultimatums? How meaningful can it really be to us if we allow ourselves to be put in the position of negotiating our integrity? So, we are threatened, and we cave in. The “do it my way or I won’t do it’ reigns supreme.
What the holy society should be known for is heralding and upholding a time honored tradition. And that is what I believe is the legacy we should be passing to the next generation of chevre members.
------------------------------------------
Ms. Yetta passed away last month. Do you recognize the following ritual sponsored by her local chevre?
At the funeral home:
A B
The mait is stared at by those loving family and friends who insist on the casket being opened.
The mait is wearing finery and jewels.
The mait has her devoted teddy bear at her side.
The mait is not buried speedily for family reasons…family then agrees to embalming
The mait has little money…so family decides to cremate.
The family is adamant there is to be a Tahara done……
This is what the FAMILY wants!!!!
Do we go along with the WANTS and NEEDS of family? Is that what the concept of Tahara really requires of the chevre? Is that our obligation?
In deciding what to do, do we as a chevre make random choices as in: One from column A and two from column B?????????? Is our ultimate goal “To keep them (the family) happy down on the farm”??
Or do we as a chevre stand up to what guides Tahara in the first place…kavod Ha Mait. and unashamedly follow what the rabbis understood the MAIT to need. Total kavod,
Again, just my thoughts!!!
Laurie
-----Original Message-----
From:
jewish-...@googlegroups.com [mailto:jewish-...@googlegroups.com] On Behalf Of GRI...@aol.com
Sent: Wednesday,
September 17, 2008 4:01 PM
To: jewish-...@googlegroups.com
Subject: [jewish-funerals] Re:
Tahara and Embalming
Hevre: