Fwd: LIFE LINES (S-T)
avi5207
-------- Original Message --------
| Subject: | LIFE LINES (S-T) |
|---|---|
| Date: | Fri, 20 May 2011 09:03:44 -0400 |
| From: | LESLIE A TURVEY <latu...@becon.org> |
| Reply-To: | LESLIE A TURVEY <latu...@becon.org> |
| To: | LESLIE A TURVEY <latu...@becon.org> |
WHAT IS FORGIVENESS?
Is forgiveness simply a mental exercise, or is it something more?
Copyright 2001
Leslie A Turvey
A servant of the only true and living God
A recent Life Lines column, "Seventy Times Seven," brought a flurry of letters which indicated many people really don't know what forgiveness is. Some writers wanted to know how to forgive those who have hurt them. Some wanted to know how the other person will know he has been forgiven. And one woman ventured to ask whether she might not measure up to God's forgiveness.
Forgiveness is not just a mental exercise. It's not a matter of saying, "Well, that's Henry. Always been that way; always will." That's simply accepting the hurt that Henry has done, and acknowledging he will hurt you again.
Nor is forgiveness a matter of simply saying everything's okay, and hiding the problem in the back of your mind. That just keeps it there until the opportunity arises for you to resurrect it.
Forgiveness means putting the matter completely out of your mind, and this can take a lot of work, and a lot of humility.
The first step in forgiveness is to get together privately with Henry. This principle, the first of three steps in Matthew 18:15-17, is often all that's needed. It's possible Henry didn't even know he had hurt you. What he considers jest you may not.
For too long I was like Henry. If I phoned everyone I've hurt with my humour through the years I couldn't afford the long distance charges. But, like the apostle Paul, when I grew up I put away my childish humour (1 Corinthians 13:11). It took me a long time and a lot of hard work to grow up. Now I can only hope my victims have forgiven me.
Your forgiveness meeting should start on a positive note. "Henry, we've been friends for a long time." Talk about good times you've shared with him. Then when Henry is mentally in step with you, you can bring out the But. You don't need to go way back into Henry's history. Keep the conversation current. You might say, "But a few days ago you said something that really hurt me." This should get the ball rolling so Henry can apologize. It may even pave the way to quietly help Henry overcome his hurtful humour.
When Henry apologizes it's important Not to say that's okay. He needs to hear the word forgive. When you say, "I forgive you, Henry," he'll know you're not being off-handed with him. He'll know you really mean it. (It's like using the do-nothing phrase "Luv ya," or sincerely saying "I love you.") And he'll know there is love in your forgiveness.
But your forgiveness is not yet complete. You must forgive yourself for having seen only the dark side of Henry's humour. A much wiser person than me said, "To forgive is to set a prisoner free, and discover the prisoner was you." When you forgive Henry, and yourself, you'll find yourself freed from the prison of "Well, that's Henry." You'll see Henry in a bright, new, enjoyable light and as he changes others will see him that way too.
How often must we forgive? Seven times?
When Jesus told Peter to forgive four hundred and ninety times he knew anyone who forgives that many times will have made forgiveness as important a habit as breathing.
YAS2015
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