topic of fear or smarts

[dréa riley]

i don't think it means that you have to avoid everyone....its just about smarts and safety.  I am a very open person...(and y'all know i get into all manner of things) but just a case in point and i think its because i've had cetain experiences and a stong family that has always taught me how vulnerable i am....at my new job there are lots of highschool or fresh outta highschool girls...one in particular(well three are gay or bi) but this one girl. I noticed and elderly man that works with his always stops and asks each one of us he going to smoke do you need an escort...we try not to go out side alone ever..you know we go in pairs or another male employee goes with.. day or night but with this one female the elderly male has become touchy feely...now a lot of the girls give him a hug each day or what have you...not me...a) i don't know him  b) as open as i am and as laid back as our job is i am not hugging him....I'll admit that i have hugged another male employee but again its my comfort zone and the length of time i've known him and the type of hug....anyway on to say...the older guy would hug this girl and then the hugs went from quick pats on the back to lingering you could see her kinda pulling away...to him asking for HER to hug him to him making comments about her and him being in a relationship, to him inviting her to his home to party/drink

finally yesterday i found her in tears because she'd commented to another clerk and was told oh thats just so and so....this child was freaked out...and rightly so...18 years old partying all the time, very free with talking about her exploits....i went to management and said look, here is the deal...i spoke with both a male and a female manager and they like me had be watching the developing  of this but as they never saw her protest or heard him make the comments about how he wanted to touch he there was little they could do....they had infact drafted a letter to out main mngr requesting that he say something about the hugging but as most of the girls participate...hell most of the guys hug and chest bump...its family but this guy just has that feel about him....this girl in question has felt awkward for more than a month...and her gut told her the first day she didn't want to be there, but ignored that ...didn't want to ruffle feathers...in fact until i started she never saw a female employee not hug this man, not go out and smoke and talk with this man...  Had she stopped the first time and said whoa...not for me... she probably would have saved her self some anxiety...and thankfully now she has a life lesson that ended with a little bit of anxiety to teach her to be careful WITH HER....you can have friends and a man and family...but you are your first line of defense...you have to be aware that you are a female and there by smaller, weaker, slower,  than most of the population...you have to carry your game face with you...and be limited...its respecting your self....

On Mon, Aug 18, 2008 at 4:15 PM, Bana <ban...@thespinnersyarn.com> wrote:

And this is why I probably just avoid folks altogether.

On Aug 18, 5:00 pm, "dréa riley" <dreari...@gmail.com> wrote:
> ok so y'all know jayha isn't big on oprah, but every once in a while
> something she has on her show jives with what we really think
> a while back, my sisters and i were talking about women and safety.   The
> guest on o's show today (its a re-run) is talking about intincts and gut
> reactions...and this one little convo had the audience having an "ah ha"
> moment...what he said was....men are mostly afraid that a woman will laugh
> or reject them. Women are afraid a man will kill them. So, as women are
> conditioned that the must always be nice, they infact endanger themselves
> more. The moment you smile back, wave back speak back or engage with some
> one with nefarious deeds on the mind is the moment you make yourself a
> victim.  He said he in all his years had never met a woman who was a victim
> of rape because the followed their instinct and walked away, or didn't stop
> and engage when their gut said keep going don't stop go with a group. BUT
> nearly every case he'd studyied, the female said something didn't seem right
> but i was afraid to upset the person, or you know i am nice person so i
> opened the door or i stopped when they said they needed help.

[Jayha]

i don't have enough info to really make a call but peeps often get
suckered in by "safe" people...most predators know how to put on the
face of 'friendly, boy/girl next door...what is it that peeps say
about killers...'they seemed so nice'....yeah, b/c a lot of them know
how to fit in...how to build raport with most peeps so even when
accusations come u have lots of peeps disbelieving...they also know
how to go after peeps that won't say anything b/c they have sketchy
reputations so peeps will be less likely to believe them.

It sounds like something has happened b/t them and she needs
help...maybe what originally happened was okay but it progressed into
something she didn't want...eitehr way once a woman says no...it means
no...

> > > opened the door or i stopped when they said they needed help.- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

[Jayha]

i don't have enough info to really make a call but peeps often get
suckered in by "safe" people...most predators know how to put on the
face of 'friendly, boy/girl next door...what is it that peeps say
about killers...'they seemed so nice'....yeah, b/c a lot of them know
how to fit in...how to build raport with most peeps so even when
accusations come u have lots of peeps disbelieving...they also know
how to go after peeps that won't say anything b/c they have sketchy
reputations so peeps will be less likely to believe them.

It sounds like something has happened b/t them and she needs
help...maybe what originally happened was okay but it progressed into
something she didn't want...eitehr way once a woman says no...it means
no...

[dréa riley]

I don't know how far anything went but there was no way i was going to just take what she told me and walk off like nothing and i told her you can be mad at me or whatever but i am not going to sit and watch something happen to you and then be all after the fact about shyt...now you can not tell me anything else for the rest of your life wont hurt my feelings none...and i am glad i did, because other people have felt oddly abou this man..other women have felt this way and never said anything... by going to managment at least we know there is a someone who is aware and it draws their collective attention to the issue.