rei's poem transcribed.. need help

[nickay420]

hi, i just transcribed rei's poem. i was wondering if someone here could
check my work for errors (i used the english dubbed version)

Rei Ayanami's poem

Neon Genesis Evangelion: Episode 14 (Weaving a Story)

Mountains.
Heavy are the mountains, but that changes.
Through the passage of time.
Sky.
Blue sky.
What your eyes can't see.
What your eyes can see.
The sun.
One, only one.
Water.
It is agreeable.
Commander Ikari.
Flowers.
So many the same.
So many without others.
Sky.
Sky of red.
Red the color.
The color I hate.
The liquid flows.
Drips, ripples, and pours.
Blood.
Scent of blood.
Woman who does not bleed.
From the red soil, the humans come.
Humans made by man and woman.
City.
By human creation.
Eva, a human creation as well.
What are humans?
Are they creations of God?
Humans.
That which is created by humans.
This is that which is mine.
My life.
My heart.
I am a vessel for my father's soul.
The entry plug.
The throne of the soul.
Who is this?
This is me.
Who am I?
What am I?
What am I?
What am I?
I am I.
This object that is, is myself.
That wich forms is me.
This is the self that can be seen.
And yet, this is not that which is myself.
Strange feeling.
My body feels as if it is melting.
I can no longer see myself.
My form. My shape.
It hides from view.
Awareness comes of someone who is not me.
Who is here? There?
Beyond me, here.
Shinji.
This person I know, Major Katsuragi.
Doctor Ikagi.
People.
My classmates.
The pilot of Unit 02.
Commander Ikari, who are you?
Who are you?
Who are you?
Who are you?

----
thanks!

[Richard Liang]

nickay420 wrote:

>hi, i just transcribed rei's poem. i was wondering if someone here could
>check my work for errors (i used the english dubbed version)
>

Everything looks right, although I don't speak Japanese and I'm going
from the English sub... and I don't have time right now to actually go
through it. Still, it looks very accurate.

>Commander Ikari.
>

I believe this is actually a question... "Commander Ikari?"

>I am a vessel for my father's soul.
>

I don't remember any mention of a father... I remember something more
along the lines of "I am a vessel for my soul."

>Doctor Ikagi.
>

This is "Akagi."

Besides that, it looks good.

Richard