A is for Awpheesh (as in Office). This is where the average Kolkakatan
goes and spends a day hard at work. And if he works for the 'Vest
Bengal Gawrment' he will arrive at 10, wipe his forehead till 11, have
a tea break at 12, throw around a few files at 12.30, break for lunch
at 1, smoke the 7th unfiltered cigarette at 2, break for 5th cup of tea
at 3, sleep sitting down at 4 and go home at 4:30. It's a hard life!
B is for Bhision. For some reason many Bengalis don't have good
bhision. In fact in Kolkata most people are wearing spectacles all the
time....Bhishon Bhalo and Bibhotso.... though means opposite ...used
for same situations.. .depending on the Beauty of fairer sex...are
close ...almost in a tie for second spot....
C is for
Chappell. Currently, this is the Bengali word for the Devil, for the
worst form of evil. In the night mothers put their kids to sleep
saying, 'Na ghumoley ebar Chappell eshey dhorey niye jabe.'
D
is for Debashish or any other name starting with Deb. By an ancient law
every fourth Bengali Child has to be named Debashish. So you have a
Debashish everywhere and trying to get creative they are also called
Deb, Debu, Deba with variations like Debopriyo, Deboprotim, Debojyoti,
etc. thrown in at times....as creations of God himself !!
E
is for Eeesh. This is a very common Bengali exclamation made famous by
Aishwarya Rai in the movie Devdas. It is estimated that on an average a
Bengali, especially Bengali women, use eeesh 10,089 times every year.
'Ei Morechhey' is a close second to Eeesh.
F is for Feeesh.
These are creatures that swim in rivers and seas and are a favourite
food of the Bengalis. Despite the fact that a fish market has such
strong smells, with one sniff a Bengali knows if a fish is all right.
If not, he will say 'eeesh what feeesh is theesh!'
G is for
Good name. Every Bengali boy will have a good name like Debashish or
Deboprotim and a pet name like Motka, Bhombol, Thobla, etc. While every
Bengali girl will have pet names like Tia, Tuktuki, Mishti, Khuku, et
cetera.
H is for Harmonium. This Bengali equivalent of a rock
guitar. Take four Bengalis and a Harmonium and you have the successors
to The Bheatles!
I is for Ileesh. This is a feeesh with
10,987 bones which would kill any ordinary person, but which the
Bengalis eat with releeesh!
J is for Jhola. No selfrespecting
Bengali is complete without his Jhola. It is a shapeless cloth bag
where he keeps all his belongings and he fits an amazing number of
things in. Even as you read this there are two million jholas bobbling
around Kolkata, and they all look exactly the same! Note that
'Jhol'with mysterious condiments.. . as in Maachher Jhol is a close
second. Jhaamela and Jachhetai are distant 3rd and 4th
K is
for Kee Kaando! It used to be the favourite Bengali exclamation till
eeesh took over because of Aishwarya Rai.Kee mushkil is a close second.
L is for Lungi, the dress for all occasions. People in
Kolkata manage to play football and cricket wearing it not to mention
the daily trip in the morning to the local bajaar. Now there is talk of
a lungi expedition to Mt Everest.
M is for Minibaas. These are
dangerous half buses whose antics would effortlessly frighten the
living daylights out of all James Bond stuntmen as well as Formula 1
race car drivers.
N is for Nangto. This is the Bengali word for Naked. It is the most interesting naked word in any language!
O is for Oil. The Bengalis believe that a touch of mustard oil will
cure anything from cold (oil in the nose), to earache (oil in the ear),
to cough (oil on the throat) to piles (oil you know where!).
P
is for Phootball. This is always a phavourite phassion of the
Kolkattan. Every Bengali is born an expert in this game. The two
biggest clubs there are MOHUNBAGAN and East Bengal and when they play
the city comes to a stop.
Q is for Koshchen (question) as in "Mamatadi koshchens Cheap Ministaar in Writaars Buiding."
R is for Robi Thakur. Many many years ago Rabindranath got the Nobel
Prize. This has given the right to all Bengalis no matter where they
are to frame their acceptance speeches as if they were directly related
to the great poet and walk with their head held high. This also gives
Bengalis the birthright to look down at Delhi and Mumbai and of course
'all non-Bengawlees'! Note that 'Rawshogolla' comes a close second!
S
is for Shourav. Now that they finally produced a genuine cricketer,
that too a captain, Bengalis think that he should be allowed to play
until he is 70 years old.
T is for Trams. Hundred years later
there are still trams in Kolkata. Of course if you are in a hurry it's
faster to walk....Trams are still existing in Paris too.......you see !
U is for Aambrela. When a Bengali baby is born he is handed one.
V
is for Bhaayolence. Bengalis are the most non-violent violent people
around. When an accident happens they will fold up their sleeves, shout
and scream and curse and abuse, "Chherey De Bolchhi" but the last time
someone actually hit someone was in 1939.
W is for Water. For
three months of the year the city is underwater and every year for the
last 200 years the authorities are taken by surprise by this!
X
is for X'mas. It's very big in Kolkata, with Park Street fully lit up
and all Bengalis agreeing that they must eat cake that day.
Y
is for Yesshtaarday. Which is always better than today for a Bengali
(see R for Robi Thakur)?. It is also for Jubraj Shingh and Joga.
Z is for Jebra, Joo, and Jipper.
________________________________
~~aapka kalyan ho~~
