About Trolls and Flamers
Carlotta
As someone in another newsgroup said, it's troll season.
For what it's worth......
We have two people here (at the moment, anyway) who have certain basic
troll characteristics:
They are unable or unwilling to take responsibility for their words or
behavior.
They are unable or unwilling to consider the possibility that they
have brought a great deal of dislike upon themselves.
I don't know for certain, but my feeling is that each of them is
filled with self-hate, and is unable to face that issue.
OK.
I've dealt with self-haters before, and this is what you can expect:
The only thing they can do with their venom is to flush it out on
other people. As a result, everything they say about you is a
reflection of their feelings about themselves.
Because of their self-hate, there is nothing that you can say that is
as bad as what they see in themselves. You can't hurt them, no matter
how hard you try.
The only thing that relieves their self-hate is to see other people in
pain. If you let them get to you, that only encourages them. That's
why they're here in the first place.
The point is that flaming them hurts you more than it hurts them.
What makes it worse--been here, seen this before, too--is that these
trolls are insiders. Yes, they hurt, they're depressed, they are at
least as far down as any of us. What that means is that they know all
the right buttons to push to make us angry. They have no conscience
that prevents them from pushing those buttons.
That is the difference between them and us. They have turned abusive.
Yes, that does make a difference. I've encountered some recovering
abusers on the net, and I learned a few things from that experience.
The one thing that sustains an abuser is denial; an abuser cannot
allow hirself to be open to the slightest possibility that sie is
harming another human being. They blame anyone and anything else in
sight, but virtually all of that blame is directed at the victim, in
one way or another. Abusers REFUSE to take responsibility for their
behavior.
In dealing with an abuser, particularly from a treatment perspective,
the first and most important step is to break that denial. It is not
only breaking the denial about hurting other people. It is essential
to break the denial that they are not responsible for their behavior.
They must learn that they have to take responsibility for everything
that they do, and it is a hard lesson to teach.
Until an abuser's denial is broken, it is dangerous to give them any
sympathy. Sympathy gives them a way out, a way to avoid taking
responsibility. Someone else made them the way they are; they're not
responsible. This is utter garbage, and to give them this opening is
truly a disservice.
So.
They are here to feed on our pain. We don't have to give them that
satisfaction.
They stay only as long as we feed them well. If we want them to go,
all we have to do is to stop feeding them.
The solution for trolls is in two parts. First, recognize and
understand that they are here to hurt us. They way that they hurt us
is to beat on us with their own rage. Recognize that everything they
say about us is a reflection of their own self-hate. Even when they
hit our triggers, it is their rage, their self-hatred that they are
giving us. We don't have to let ourselves be hurt by the fact that
they hate themselves. We don't have to accept that. We can let them
drown in their self-hate, simply by ignoring them.
And that is the second part. If you want a troll to go away, ignore
hir. When no one responds to them, they are left with their own venom.
That is the last thing that a troll wants to have to deal with.
Let us build an ASD zoo. Let us build cages, and put the appropriate
names on those cages. Then let us put a sign in front of those cages:
DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS.
Then, most importantly, let us not feed the animals. Killfile or
ignore them, but do not respond to them, and do not accept their pain
as your own.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(1) Don't read posts from or about abusers;
(2) Don't read email from or about abusers;
(3) If you can't resist reading, don't respond;
(4) If you can't resist responding, do so by email--not by posting
here;
(5) If you are compelled to post a response, if you just can't stop
yourself, at least do the rest of us the favor of adding the abuser's
name to the subject line, so we can avoid reading that post. Thanks.
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Ringrazio gli autori, Rossana e Carlo Fusco per il prezioso aiuto.
Carlotta
Il coraggio, più che l'assenza della paura, è la conquista di essa.
Stefano De Cesari
>
Scusami, ti sei accorta di essere in un gruppo di discussione della
gerarchia IT.*?
>Ringrazio gli autori, Rossana e Carlo Fusco per il prezioso aiuto.
E chi sono gli autori? (visto che non sei tu sarebbe corretto dare loro
i meriti che hanno scrivendo, almeno, i loro nomi)
-Stefano
Iron
wrote:
>
>As someone in another newsgroup said, it's troll season.
[cut]
>
>
>=====================================================
>
>
>Ringrazio gli autori, Rossana e Carlo Fusco per il prezioso aiuto.
potrei essere d'accordo con te in merito ai ringraziamenti,
disgraziatamente non conosco l'inglese abbastanza bene da poter fare
una traduzione accettabile. Se potessi postare anche la traduzione in
italiano te ne sarei molto grato.
>
>Carlotta
>
>
>Il coraggio, più che l'assenza della paura, è la conquista di essa.
Ciao
Iron
Quando il gioco si fa duro....
i duri cominciano a giocare!
(john Belushi)