PALO ALTO, CA –Mark Zuckerberg announced that Facebook will be shut down in March. Managing the site has become too stressful.
“Facebook has gotten out of control,” said
Zuckerberg in a press conference outside his Palo Alto office, “and the
stress of managing this company has ruined my life. I need to put an
end to all the madness.”
Zuckerberg went on to explain that starting March 15th, users will no longer be able to access their Facebook accounts.
“After March 15th the whole website shuts
down,” said Avrat Humarthi, Vice President of Technical Affairs at
Facebook. “So if you ever want to see your pictures again, I recommend
you take them off the internet. You won’t be able to get them back
after Facebook goes out of business.”
Zuckerberg said the decision to shut down Facebook was difficult, but that he does not think people will be upset.
“I personally don’t think it’s a big deal,” he
said in a private phone interview. “And to be honest, I think it’s for
the better. Without Facebook, people will have to go outside and make
real friends. That’s always a good thing.”
Some Facebook users were furious upon hearing the shocking news.
“What am I going to do without Facebook?” said
Denise Bradshaw, a high school student from Indiana. “My life revolves
around it. I’m on Facebook at least 10 hours a day. Now what am I
going to do with all that free time?”
However, parents across the country have been experiencing a long anticipated sense of relief.
“I’m glad the Facebook nightmare is over,”
said Jon Guttari, a single parent from Detroit. “Now my teenager’s face
won’t be glued to a computer screen all day. Maybe I can even have a
conversation with her.”
Those in the financial industry are
criticizing Zuckerberg for walking away from a multibillion dollar
franchise. Facebook is currently ranked as one of the wealthiest
businesses in the world, with economists estimating its value at around
7.9 billion.
But Zuckerberg remains unruffled by these accusations. He said he will stand by his decision to give Facebook the axe.
“I don’t care about the money,” said Zuckerberg. “I just want my old life back.”
The Facebook Corporation suggests that users
remove all of their personal information from the website before March
15th. After that date, all photos, notes, links, and videos will be
permanently erased.
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