Hi all,
Wow. I am still in awe at how far-reaching these e-mails are going and how far some e-mails are coming back to us. I thank you all for your advice and for your help. The love surrounding us is amazing and is definitely of God and from God. I also can't believe how much some of you read. wowzers.
It's been a fairly restful day for Anderson. After the parade of doctors that come around in the morning and scheduling the IV filter placement for later on today (Wednesday)... it's just been pretty much rest and chatting until everyone went home. I kinda like it when they do even though I miss ppl sometimes but nights are OUR time. Anderson and I usually talk at nights before we go to bed and I'm able
to stay with him in the hospital so we can continue our nightly
routine. I tell him all my feelings and he's here to comfort me. It's
sad sometimes but he's my husband and I'm his wife. I don't have to be
anyone but me and that's the way it should be. No regrets and no
holding back.
We also read all of your emails to us (sent through the MD Anderson website). The volunteers delivered us a whole big packet of "net notes". Thank you all for your prayers, encouragements, and reminders of how great you all are.
Also, many of you have emailed me back with some encouragement and also some warnings. I take them all to heart. Sometimes I'm in so much heartache I feel like I can hardly breathe. Sometimes I feel like I'm OK but in the middle of walking, showering, driving or even turning on the sink a memory pops into my head and my heart wails. And then just as quickly as it came, it stops. It feels strange but... that's how it's been for me lately.
David was a man after God's own heart. Reading about him lately has been a really big encouragement to me. Here's my goal for the time being. We're going to cry out and plead with God because now is the time for that. We are also going to make the most out of every day we have together. No one's giving up hope, but no one's planning too far ahead into the future. Our situations may not be exactly the same, but David was crying out to God for his sick child in 2 Samuel.
15 After Nathan had gone home, the LORD struck the child that Uriah's wife had borne to David, and he became ill. 16 David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and went into his house and spent the nights lying on the ground. 17
The elders of his household stood beside him to get him up from the
ground, but he refused, and he would not eat any food with them.
18
On the seventh day the child died. David's servants were afraid to tell
him that the child was dead, for they thought, "While the child was
still living, we spoke to David but he would not listen to us. How can
we tell him the child is dead? He may do something desperate."
19
David noticed that his servants were whispering among themselves and he
realized the child was dead. "Is the child dead?" he asked.
"Yes," they replied, "he is dead."
20
Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions
and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the LORD and
worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they
served him food, and he ate.
21
His servants asked him, "Why are you acting this way? While the child
was alive, you fasted and wept, but now that the child is dead, you get
up and eat!"
22
He answered, "While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I
thought, 'Who knows? The LORD may be gracious to me and let the child
live.' 23 But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me."
I hope that my heart can be after God's heart too. Pure and holy, blameless and unselfishly yearning and seeking after God's heart. Anderson's faith has also never been stronger. We talked about that tonight.
My aunt wrote this quote to me yesterday. Death cannot stop true love; what it can do is delay it for a while - Wesley from the Princess Bride. I cried when I read it because I realized how true it was. Anderson has a lot of peace knowing that we will all reunite in heaven one day. I'm trying to follow in his example too.
K. Those are my thoughts for tonight. It's past 3am so I should get some rest.
Night...
Tiff
P.S. if you're reading this now... please pray that Anderson gets some good rest. it's really hard to sleep in the ICU. Also, having to lay down flat all the time... it doesn't help your lung expansion... just pray that he'll be able to breathe easy and get good rest.