Coming in and just sitting on the couch staring.

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Jay

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Sep 1, 2007, 1:20:05 AM9/1/07
to Interactive Drama Façade Forum
This is absolutely hilarious. Behold what happens when you do
absolutely nothing!


FACADE STAGEPLAY
Sat Sep 01 00 18 02 2007

TRIP
Where are the new wine glasses?

GRACE
What for?

TRIP
That should be obvious!

GRACE
Oh God, Trip, don't turn this into a big production, please! --
(interrupted)

(Adam knocks on the front door.)

(Adam knocks on the front door.)

TRIP
Uhp, he's here!

GRACE
What?! You said he's coming an hour from now!

TRIP
No, he's supposed to be here now!

GRACE
Trip...!

(Trip opens the front door.)

TRIP
Adam!!

TRIP
Hi! It's so great to see you! It's been a while how's it going?

GRACE
No, no, here we are!

GRACE
Adam,

GRACE
Hi! How are you? Oh god it's been such a long time!

TRIP
Yeah, how -- how are you doing?

GRACE
Uh, I just asked him that...

TRIP
Well, I can ask him too!

GRACE
(frustrated sigh)

GRACE
Well, come on in, make yourself at home!

TRIP
Huh, I'll close the door.

(Trip closes the front door.)

GRACE
Well, come in, make yourself at home...

TRIP
I'm just going to go close the door.

(Adam sits on the couch.)

GRACE
Adam, seeing you again makes me remember the wonderful times we all
used to have.

GRACE
H-mmm (happy smile sound)

TRIP
Ha ha, yeah...

TRIP
Hey, I just realized something.

GRACE
What...

TRIP
Oh, tonight's a special night! A celebration in fact!

GRACE
It is?

TRIP
Adam, remember, it was almost exactly ten years ago, tonight, that
you introduced us.

TRIP
Senior year of college!

GRACE
Oh... geez...

TRIP
Remember that?

TRIP
Um, well, without you, we wouldn't even have this celebration.

TRIP
Oh, Adam, take a -- (interrupted)

PHONE
** RING **

TRIP
Oh, I'll get it --

GRACE
No, no, we have a guest, we can let the answering machine pick it up.

PHONE
** RING **

TRIP
Grace, no, I want --

GRACE
Trip, please dear, don't be rude.

GRACE
It's probably just the execs at work inviting you to another one of
your precious 'high class poker games'.

PHONE
** RING **

PHONE
** RING **

TRIP
(frustrated sigh)

ANSWERING MACHINE
** click **

ANSWERING MACHINE
You've reached the fabulous new home of Grace and Trip. Leave us a
message!

ANSWERING MACHINE
** beep **

ANSWERING MACHINE
Grace, this is your father, I thought I'd call to see how my lovely
daughter is doing.

TRIP
Oh, it's your parents! I'll get it --

GRACE
Trip, Trip, please, I don't want to talk to them right now...

TRIP
I want to say hello --

GRACE
No no, Trip, we're entertaining a friend in our new apartment...

ANSWERING MACHINE
I want you and Trip to come up to the house this weekend, your mother
and I are throwing a party for a senior VP at the firm, and you should
be there.

GRACE
the last thing I want to do is talk to my parents.

ANSWERING MACHINE
Oh, and be sure to arrive early, I want to talk to you about this
business about why you won't be attending your mother's Christmas Eve
gala.

TRIP
Well, Grace's parents... They're something else, really classy people
--

GRACE
Uhh, no, they're impossible, they expect me to drive up to the house
in Connecticut to attend all their stupid socialite charity benefits
and parties, it's so tiresome.

ANSWERING MACHINE
(clear throat) So, that's all. Uh, goodbye.

TRIP
(frustrated sigh)

GRACE
(big sigh)

GRACE
Oh God, Adam, I hope you didn't come here tonight to be
entertained...

TRIP
What?

GRACE
Listen to us, we're arguing in front of our friend.

TRIP
Grace, come on, that kind of statement is not helpful...

GRACE
Trip, there's nothing wrong with disagreeing in front of our friend --

TRIP
We're NOT disagreeing.

TRIP
We're -- we're -- we're not disagreeing.

TRIP
(frustrated sigh) Sheejus.

(Trip shakes the advice ball.)

TRIP
Probably true.

TRIP
Huh!

GRACE
(little sigh)

GRACE
You know, ever since we got married, I can't help it, I'm forever
buying new furniture and redecorating,

GRACE
I -- I really enjoy it --

TRIP
Yeah, it's in your blood, you grew up with this stuff.

GRACE
Adam, now be honest with me, agree that this room just does not
work!

TRIP
Grace, come on, what are you talking about?

GRACE
All day at work I design ads for apartments with extravagant views
like this,

GRACE
and then I think, I want to design it into my apartment --

TRIP
Yeah, I love this view, it makes me feel like a million bucks!

GRACE
but... I'm wrong, I simply want a view of trees and green!

TRIP
Oh come on! Jesus why can't you just be happy with this? This is
fine!

GRACE
(frustrated sigh)

TRIP
Grace, everything's fine, no one is complaining about your
decorating!

GRACE
No, he is just being courteous... this room is not --

TRIP
Uhh, Grace, come on, people like it, you're the only one --

GRACE
You know, Trip, if you hadn't convinced me to go into advertising, I
could have painted that painting on the wall instead of buying it!

TRIP
You're never happy...

TRIP
No one has a problem with your decorating but you.

GRACE
Yeah. Anyway...

TRIP
Huh, y -- you two are really getting along well tonight...

TRIP
Oh my God, Adam, oh my God, I am so bad...

GRACE
What?!

TRIP
I haven't gotten us drinks!

GRACE
tuhh...

TRIP
Oh it's good because you will be the first to try my recently acquired
set of imported drinking glasses.

GRACE
My dad bought Trip a silver plated cocktail shaker for Christmas a few
years back -- the rest is history.

TRIP
Why don't I make us one of my new drink inventions,

TRIP
I call it Grace's Inner Soul.

TRIP
It's a mixture of chardonnay, bitters and lots of ice.

GRACE
It's a secret -- Trip doesn't even like the taste of alcohol.

TRIP
What?! So, uhh,

TRIP
Adam, how -- how does that sound?

TRIP
Adam, you've not said a single word for a while now... Are you
alright?

TRIP
Oh, good, I was a little concerned there for a second.

TRIP
So... can I make you one of my drink inventions?

TRIP
You -- you don't want my invention?

GRACE
Adam, Trip's getting a little carried away... maybe you just want
some juice, or a mineral water?

TRIP
(exhale very tense)

TRIP
Yeah, no, I'm going to make this drink for us!

TRIP
Our friend is here, we're going to enjoy ourselves, that's all there
is to it!

TRIP
Grace, everybody loves my drinks, you know that, don't you?
Everybody!

GRACE
(frustrated sigh)

GRACE
Well, of course Trip, after all, you got enough practice when you were
a real bartender.

TRIP
What?

GRACE
In college, you were a bartender.

TRIP
How do you know about that?

GRACE
Oh I know you were trying to keep it a big secret, but... one time my
friends and I went slumming off-campus to some crappy bar in the
sticks, and we saw you there.

TRIP
Oh, that's great.

TRIP
Uhh, you're driving me insane!

TRIP
Goddamn slumming it off campus...

TRIP
You hide things from me! You're so distant! You...

TRIP
You do, you hide things from me!

GRACE
(impatient sigh) Adam, I...

GRACE
(frustrated sigh)

GRACE
My goddamn parents...

GRACE
I wish you would just be yourself! Ever since I've known you, you
resist just being yourself!

TRIP
Oh, Jesus...!

TRIP
Okay, you know what, Adam,

TRIP
I need to ask you something.

GRACE
Trip --

TRIP
Grace, let me ask our guest a question.

TRIP
Adam, yes or no...

TRIP
Isn't the goal in life, and in marriage, to improve your life, to have
more than you did before?

GRACE
What?

TRIP
I mean, shouldn't you get married so you can have a better, richer
life than before?

TRIP
Yes or no.

TRIP
Look, don't bother answering, I don't need to hear it!

TRIP
Grace, you won't let me be who I want to be! Who -- who I am! This
is who I am now! Goddammit!

GRACE
Oh, that's great Trip!

GRACE
Uhh! Yeah, good, go away!

GRACE
I don't want to look at you!

GRACE
Goddammit!

GRACE
uhh!

GRACE
Adam, I can't believe you have to see this...

GRACE
uhh...

GRACE
Look, you probably just want to leave...

GRACE
Oh, God...

TRIP
What? I can't hear a goddamn word you're saying!

GRACE
Fine with me!

GRACE
Adam, (annoyed sigh) Trip can just be so...

TRIP
Oh, we're talking about me again, are we?

GRACE
What?

TRIP
Grace, even though you're now a creative director at work,

TRIP
the truth is... you're not an artist.

GRACE
Uhh...!

TRIP
I'm sorry, you're not.

GRACE
Adam, uhh...

GRACE
Adam, you see, this is what I've had to put up with, for ten goddamn
years.

GRACE
Adam, what is it, is there something about me?

GRACE
Look, let's not focus on just me or you, let's talk about us.

GRACE
Trip, can't you see, it's the way you speak, the way you talk to
me...!

TRIP
What, I'm not allowed to be angry?

GRACE
You tell me what to do, you don't listen.

TRIP
Adam, I'm not telling her what to do, I'm trying to help her!

GRACE
Let's keep the focus on us, our relationship.

GRACE
Adam, it's time that Trip finally just admits that our marriage --

TRIP
Grace, don't, no, you don't need to --

GRACE
Admits that our marriage is not --

TRIP
Stop it, stop it! (annoyed sigh)

GRACE
Uhh...! God...!

GRACE
Let's keep the focus on us, our relationship.

GRACE
You know what's so annoying, is when you pretend to be all 'romantic'!

TRIP
What...?

GRACE
Trip, it is such an act!

TRIP
Oh my God... Adam, what... uhh...

GRACE
Look, let's switch the focus to Trip.

GRACE
Adam, every time Trip is unhappy he rushes out and buys some new
gadget.

TRIP
What are you talking about? You're always buying stuff...

GRACE
Trip, you're the one who's always bringing home an electric lemon
zester or automatic creme Brule torch.

GRACE
Let's talk some more about Trip.

GRACE
Damn it, Trip, you and my parents are always planning these stupid
trips I have to go on..

TRIP
They're vacations! Expensive ones at that!

GRACE
Of course nobody thinks to ask me what I want.

TRIP
Oh, now it's all my fault. Just because your parents and I get along,
now it's some big conspiracy.

GRACE
God...

TRIP
Look, let's not focus on just me or you, let's talk about us both.

TRIP
You know what makes me so angry?

GRACE
What?

TRIP
How you've so conveniently forgotten how much you used to actually
hate painting!

GRACE
Adam, I -- I -- uhh...!

TRIP
Let's talk some more about us both.

GRACE
Adam, you -- you blame me for all this, don't you?

TRIP
See, I don't think you really want to be an artist. This is all just
something for you to blame me for.

GRACE
What? Oh my God.

GRACE
Adam, do you agree with that lie?

TRIP
You know, I can't say Grace never acts loving towards me...

TRIP
Adam, She's all over me at our goddamn parties, trying to look good
in front of the guests!

TRIP
Uhh...

TRIP
Okay, I'm sick of this bullshit!!

TRIP
Adam, I know what you're trying to hint at...

TRIP
about me...

TRIP
Do you two want the truth? Huh?

TRIP
Adam, do you want to hear it?

TRIP
Grace, huh?

GRACE
Yes...!

TRIP
Adam, well?

TRIP
See, Adam, I've been paying attention to what you've been saying
tonight.

TRIP
You're trying to push me tonight.

TRIP
And I wonder, are you really my friend or not.

GRACE
Trip!

TRIP
Adam, come on -- yes or no...

TRIP
Do you really think that...

TRIP
and you don't even say 'yes' when I ask you if you want the truth...

TRIP
that I'm supposed to realize something about myself from all that?

TRIP
Is what little you've said tonight supposed to add up somehow to
something?

TRIP
Is it? I just want a yes or no.

TRIP
This is not a trick question.

TRIP
No? Huh... I'm surprised you say that, I thought it did.

TRIP
Okay... look... heh heh... (big sigh)

TRIP
Adam, Everything's fine... we're -- we're not... uhh... we're fine.

GRACE
Yeah...

TRIP
I think it's -- it's okay if you -- if you... n -- need to go...

TRIP
Look, Adam, nothing's changed, we're fine... we'll see you out.

GRACE
Thank for you coming over, it was... nice.

TRIP
Come on, Adam, the evening's over... there's nothing else to say,
heh...

GRACE
Look, we're glad you came over, but why don't you just go now.

(Trip opens the front door.)

TRIP
Alright, so, um, we'll, we'll, we'll -- we'll see you, at some point,
stay in touch, alright?

GRACE
Adam, we'll see you later, okay?

TRIP
Uh, come on, Adam, just go, please...

TRIP
Alright, Adam, that's it, you've got to leave.

TRIP
Adam, come on, you've got to go.

TRIP
There's only so much you can expect to put up with, you know?

(Trip opens the front door.)

TRIP
We'll be fine -- you just have to go.

(Trip closes the front door.)

ADAM
What? I was asleep.

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