'Winning' stageplay
ches...@gmail.com
to admit a load of stuff and finish together:
FACADE STAGEPLAY
Mon Oct 01 23 24 50 2007
TRIP
Where are the new wine glasses?
GRACE
What for?
TRIP
That should be obvious!
GRACE
Oh God, Trip, don't turn this into a big production, please!
TRIP
Jesus Grace, come on, I'm not asking a lot here!
GRACE
What -- Trip, don't give me that look!
GRACE
You're going to drive me crazy!
(Trip opens the front door.)
TRIP
Andrew!!
TRIP
Hey! I thought I heard someone out here! Great to see you! It's been
a -- (interrupted)
(Andrew hugs trip.)
TRIP
Yeah, hi!
TRIP
Wow, it's so great to see you after so long.
TRIP
Come on in!
TRIP
Uh, I'll -- I'll go get Grace...
TRIP
(unintelligable arguing)
GRACE
No, no, here we are!
GRACE
Andrew,
GRACE
Hi! How are you? God it's been a while! -- (interrupted)
(Andrew hugs grace.)
GRACE
H-mmm (happy smile sound)
GRACE
And I have to say, you look great.
GRACE
Well, come on in, make yourself at -- (interrupted)
ANDREW
thanks
GRACE
Oh, H-mmm (happy smile sound)
GRACE
So, -- (interrupted)
ANDREW
you look great too
(Trip closes the front door.)
GRACE
Andrew, if I didn't know you better, I'd say you were flirting with
me.
TRIP
(clears throat) Well, we're all friends here. -- (interrupted)
ANDREW
maybe
GRACE
So, about my decorating...
GRACE
(little sigh) With this room I was trying for a kind of post modern
style...
TRIP
Well yeah, I think that comes across.
GRACE
but it is clearly just not happening. This is a mess. --
(interrupted)
ANDREW
postmodern?
GRACE
Uh, well, this room is a mess, isn't it?
TRIP
(little sigh)
ANDREW
it's a bit of a mess
GRACE
Ah, yes, I've been waiting for someone to say that!
TRIP
What are you talking about?
GRACE
Trip, he is just being honest about my decorating, which I appreciate.
TRIP
(frustrated sigh) But I still think this looks fine...
TRIP
Huh, I think I forgot how well you two get along...
GRACE
hmmm Andrew, seeing you brings back wonderful memories, really...
TRIP
Ye -- yeah...
ANDREW
thank you.
TRIP
Oh, well, uh, we've, uh... we've missed you.
TRIP
Huh, I just thought of something.
GRACE
What...
TRIP
Well, actually, tonight's a special night. We should celebrate, in
fact.
GRACE
What, Trip, what?
TRIP
Andrew, remember, it was almost exactly ten years ago, tonight, that
you introduced us.
TRIP
Senior year of college. -- (interrupted)
ANDREW
ten years ago
TRIP
We really want to thank you for years and years of...
GRACE
Pain.
TRIP
Heh heh heh... Agony.
GRACE
Love.
(ANDREW comforts grace.)
GRACE
Oh, uh, you're hugging me...
TRIP
Oh, that's nice of you. Grace, aren't you glad we invited him over?
GRACE
(clears throat)
(Trip shakes the advice ball.)
ANDREW
you seemed upset
TRIP
H -- hold on...
TRIP
You think I'm...
TRIP
depressed...
TRIP
Ha ha, ha, oh, you're -- you're quite the kidder tonight, ha ha ha...
ANDREW
yes
GRACE
Ha ha, yeah...
TRIP
Ha ha, heh, never afraid to say anything that pops into your mind, ha
heh heh...
GRACE
(big sigh) -- (interrupted)
ANDREW
what's wrong?
GRACE
What? No, I, I'm -- I'm fine, we're fine, everything's fine...
GRACE
(clears throat)
ANDREW
you're sure?
TRIP
Anyway... -- (interrupted)
TRIP
Grace, come on, that kind of statement is not helpful...
GRACE
Trip, it's okay if we disagree in front of our friend --
TRIP
We're NOT disagreeing.
TRIP
We're -- we're -- we're not disagreeing.
TRIP
(frustrated sigh) Sheejus. -- (interrupted)
ANDREW
you are disagreeing
TRIP
W -- wait, wait, b - but, no no, w - we're -- we're not disagreeing.
(Trip shakes the advice ball.)
TRIP
Heh, you can't be serious, heh.
TRIP
Ha ha, ha, this crazy thing, always giving me the wrong advice, heh.
GRACE
Trip, would you put away that goddamn toy, you're driving me crazy.
ANDREW
put away the ball
TRIP
Wha -- uh, heh, oh, well...
TRIP
Oh, Andrew, I thought you might like this photo I just put up from
our recent trip to Italy.
GRACE
Uhh, it's a beautiful picture of the Italian countryside, of course
he'll like it!
TRIP
Grace, I know you don't like it, but our friend might.
ANDREW
it looks a bit ugly
TRIP
What...? Andrew,
GRACE
Trip, that was just a well-intentioned little poke in the ribs between
friends, that's all.
TRIP
Heh. Good one man, good one.
TRIP
Andrew, Come on, you'll like this, check it out!
GRACE
Yes, go on, check it out! This is getting interesting!
GRACE
By the way, anybody, join me on the couch if you like.
TRIP
Um... uhh, Now, -- (interrupted)
GRACE
Andrew, this is making you uncomfortable. See Trip, was it really
worth it to fly us all the way to Italy so you could take that inane
picture?
(ANDREW sits on the couch.)
GRACE
(little sigh) I'll take the picture down later tonight before I go
to bed.
TRIP
Grace...!
TRIP
(short petulant sigh)
TRIP
Andrew, this trip to Italy was meant to be our second honeymoon.
GRACE
Oh, was that what it was? Huh, I'm always the last to know.
TRIP
Grace, I wanted us to spend some time together...!
GRACE
Trip thinks carting me off to Europe will, how did you put it, thaw me
out a little bit?
TRIP
uhh...
(Trip shakes the advice ball.)
TRIP
You can bet on it, hmm.
ANDREW
do you need thawing?
GRACE
Oh, that plastic ball is Trip's little security blanket he keeps by
the bar.
TRIP
N -- no it's just one of those little joke advice toys, you know.
GRACE
He's always playing with it, drives me crazy.
(ANDREW gets up from the couch.)
TRIP
It's a toy, I'm allowed to have a toy.
TRIP
Oh no, Andrew, I just realized... I'm sorry!
GRACE
What?!
TRIP
I haven't gotten us drinks!
GRACE
tuhh...
ANDREW
put down the ball.
TRIP
Uh, well, uh -- we need drinks!
GRACE
Trip's favorite pastime is to get the blood alcohol content of his
guests higher than his golf score.
TRIP
Why don't I make us one of my new drink inventions,
TRIP
I call it Grace's Inner Soul.
TRIP
It's a mixture of chardonnay, bitters and lots of ice.
GRACE
It's a secret -- Trip doesn't even like the taste of alcohol.
TRIP
What?! So, uhh,
TRIP
Andrew, how -- how does that sound?
ANDREW
no
TRIP
No?
GRACE
Trip, Trip, our friend isn't as excited by your suggestion as you are.
GRACE
Andrew, Trip's getting a little carried away... maybe you just want
some juice, or a mineral water?
TRIP
(exhale very tense)
ANDREW
some juice would be great
TRIP
Yeah, no, I'm going to make this drink for us!
TRIP
Our friend is here, we're going to enjoy ourselves, that's all there
is to it!
GRACE
(frustrated sigh)
TRIP
Grace, everybody loves my drinks, you know that, don't you?
Everybody!
GRACE
Well, of course Trip, after all, you got enough practice when you were
a real bartender.
TRIP
What?
ANDREW
i don't like alcohol
GRACE
In college, you were a bartender.
TRIP
How do you know about that?
GRACE
Oh I know you were trying to keep it a big secret, but... one time my
friends and I went slumming off-campus to some crappy bar in the
sticks, and we saw you there.
TRIP
Oh, that's great.
TRIP
Uhh, you're driving me insane!
TRIP
Goddamn slumming it off campus... -- (interrupted)
ANDREW
bartender?
GRACE
What, what's that, what are you saying?
TRIP
You hide things from me! You're so distant! You...
TRIP
You do, you hide things from me!
GRACE
(impatient sigh) -- (interrupted)
(ANDREW comforts grace.)
GRACE
No, please don't take sides, it's going to do more harm than good!
GRACE
Goddamn second honeymoon...
GRACE
Trip, our whole marriage, you're so... controlling!
TRIP
Oh, Jesus...!
(ANDREW comforts grace.)
TRIP
Alright, you know what, Andrew,
TRIP
I'm going to ask you something.
GRACE
Trip --
TRIP
Grace, let me ask our guest a question.
TRIP
Andrew, yes or no...
TRIP
Marriage is about saying yes to the other person, even if you're not
sure about it, right?
ANDREW
no
TRIP
What...?!
TRIP
Oh, yeah, that's fine... that's fine...
TRIP
Uhh, I try so hard to reach out to you, Grace, and you reject me!
You're cold! You're distant! I can't keep going this way, it's
killing me!
GRACE
Oh, my God...!
(ANDREW hugs grace.)
GRACE
Uhh! Yeah, good, go away!
GRACE
I can't stand you!
(ANDREW comforts grace.)
GRACE
Goddammit!
GRACE
uhh!
(ANDREW comforts grace.)
GRACE
No, wait, please...
TRIP
Grace, what the hell are you saying about me in there?
GRACE
I'm not talking to you!
(ANDREW comforts grace.)
GRACE
Andrew, (annoyed sigh) Trip can just be so...
TRIP
Oh ho, so we're talking about me, are we?
GRACE
What?
TRIP
Grace, we don't -- we don't have to do this... things are okay, we can
just --
GRACE
Andrew, I can't stand the pretending anymore... I can't take it!
(ANDREW comforts grace.)
GRACE
Oh, Andrew, look, I know you're trying to help, but right now we
just need get this all out in the open...
GRACE
Look, let's not focus on just me or you, let's talk about us.
TRIP
You know, I can't say Grace never acts loving towards me...
TRIP
Andrew, She's all over me at our goddamn parties, trying to look good
in front of the guests!
ANDREW
parties?
TRIP
Why?
TRIP
Ah, thank you, just saying that helps us...
TRIP
See, Andrew, her acting loving is the only reason I like our
stupid parties.
GRACE
Let's keep talking about us, our relationship.
ANDREW
parties?
TRIP
It's so annoying... Grace, why is it that anytime I want to do
something nice for you, you resist it?
GRACE
Trip...
TRIP
Like I always have to convince you?
GRACE
Andrew, you know, -- (interrupted)
ANDREW
ask her what she wants
TRIP
What?
TRIP
Ah, thank you, just saying that helps!
GRACE
Trip, maybe if you didn't try to 'convince' me of things, I might want
them more...?!
TRIP
Oh, Christ.
GRACE
Andrew, this is so...
(ANDREW comforts grace.)
TRIP
Christ, Andrew, stop it with that stuff!
ANDREW
okay.
TRIP
No we need -- we need to talk about us both, not just one.
GRACE
I think Trip's afraid of visiting his parents. He does everything he
can to avoid seeing them.
ANDREW
italy
TRIP
Afraid of -- (interrupted)
TRIP
I tried to give Grace the best during our Italy vacation. The best
hotels, the best food...
GRACE
Do you hear yourself, Trip? The only thing you care about a vacation
is that it's 'the best'.
TRIP
Ugh!
TRIP
See Grace? There's no problem.
GRACE
Trip, don't you... Uhh, what's the use.
ANDREW
best?
TRIP
Oh God, I cannot believe this...
ANDREW
italy
GRACE
Let's keep talking about Trip.
TRIP
Andrew, look around this apartment. It's got everything anyone would
ever want. But, Grace, oh no, she's never satisfied.
ANDREW
plant
GRACE
Trip, ... ugh ... I'm so sick of this.
ANDREW
what do you want
TRIP
What?
GRACE
Ah, thank you, that helps him.
GRACE
Trip, look at my parents. If money bought happiness they wouldn't
hate themselves like they do.
TRIP
What?
TRIP
Look, let's not focus on just me or you, let's talk about us both. --
(interrupted)
ANDREW
grace's parents
GRACE
Uhh, my parents... uhh, they're the worst... they really screwed me
up...
TRIP
Oh give me a break! They spoiled you!
GRACE
(frustrated sigh)
ANDREW
grace parents
GRACE
Uhh, Andrew, didn't we already talk about that topic?
(frustrated sigh)
ANDREW
trip parents
GRACE
Trip, why can't you be more like your parents? They're real.
TRIP
Yeah, real tacky.
TRIP
Andrew, Grace has always enjoyed slumming. That's why she likes
visiting them.
GRACE
I can't believe you. Trip, are you that shallow?
ANDREW
like trip's parents
GRACE
Uhh, Andrew, didn't we already talk about that topic?
(frustrated sigh)
ANDREW
italy
ANDREW
shallow italy
GRACE
Let's keep the focus on us, our relationship.
ANDREW
fake italy
GRACE
Trip, can't you see, it's the way you speak, the way you talk to
me...!
TRIP
What, I'm not allowed to be angry?
GRACE
You tell me what to do, you don't listen.
TRIP
Andrew, I'm not telling her what to do, I'm trying to help her!
ANDREW
you aren't
TRIP
No?
GRACE
Ah, you disagree, see, that really helps us...
GRACE
See, Trip, you've always been this way, from the moment you proposed
to me...
TRIP
Uhh...
ANDREW
you are telling her what to do
TRIP
Look, let's switch the focus to Grace.
GRACE
Andrew, you -- you blame me for all this, don't you?
TRIP
Grace, no --
GRACE
It's all from some mistake I made, that caused all this? --
(interrupted)
ANDREW
no
GRACE
No?
GRACE
Oh, thank God you disagree, that helps!
TRIP
Grace, what are you talking about, 'mistake you made'... what -- what
'mistake'?
TRIP
Are you just making stuff up now?
GRACE
(frustrated sigh)
ANDREW
mistake
TRIP
Let's continue focusing on Grace.
TRIP
Grace, even though you're now a creative director at work,
TRIP
the truth is... you're not an artist.
GRACE
Uhh...!
TRIP
I'm sorry, you're not.
GRACE
Andrew, uhh...
ANDREW
you are an artist
TRIP
Aha!
GRACE
See, Andrew, all this time, I just can't stop thinking that I
should have been painting!
TRIP
Why don't you just do it then? -- (interrupted)
ANDREW
you could be an artist
GRACE
Ah!
TRIP
N -- n -- no, no I don't want to make art. Please.
ANDREW
painting
GRACE
Uhh, this painting, well... mmm... see, all I really wanted was
something personal and, uh... beautiful and special...
TRIP
Grace...
GRACE
But I just... mmm... no, I -- I just get so depressed and angry when I
look at it!
TRIP
Jesus...!
ANDREW
small picture
GRACE
God, that wedding picture... I hate it.
TRIP
Grace, how can you say --
GRACE
You and my parents had so much fun planning everything. Trip, the
bride normally plans the wedding.
TRIP
Jesus, Grace, most women would consider themselves lucky.
ANDREW
wedding pictures
GRACE
God, Andrew, I'm getting really tired of talking about Trip's
stuff, God...
GRACE
(frustrated sigh)
ANDREW
sculptures
GRACE
All this stuff... mmm... Having all this money makes us so happy.
We're so happy, aren't we Trip?
(ANDREW picks up a trinket 4.)
TRIP
Jesus, what do you want! Now you're unhappy because we're too well
off? -- (interrupted)
(ANDREW puts down a trinket 4.)
(ANDREW picks up a trinket 5.)
(ANDREW puts down a trinket 5.)
GRACE
Yes?
GRACE
You both... Just get away from me!
(ANDREW picks up a trinket 4.)
(ANDREW puts down a trinket 4.)
GRACE
Uhh...
GRACE
Okay, that's it, goddammit, I can't do this anymore!
(ANDREW picks up a trinket 1.)
GRACE
Andrew, I know what you're trying to hint at...
(ANDREW puts down a trinket 1.)
GRACE
about me...
GRACE
about art...
(ANDREW picks up a trinket 4.)
GRACE
Do you two want to hear the honest truth? Huh?
(ANDREW puts down a trinket 4.)
GRACE
Andrew, -- (interrupted)
ANDREW
no
GRACE
Trip, huh?
TRIP
Yes...!
GRACE
See, Andrew, I've been listening carefully to what you've been
saying tonight.
(ANDREW picks up the brass bull.)
(ANDREW puts down the brass bull.)
GRACE
You've really been pushing me.
(ANDREW picks up a trinket 8.)
GRACE
It makes me wonder if you're really my friend...?
TRIP
Grace!
GRACE
Andrew, I've got to ask you -- yes or no...
(ANDREW sits on the couch.)
GRACE
Do you really think that...
(ANDREW gets up from the couch.)
GRACE
flirting with me...
GRACE
criticizing me...
GRACE
telling me to make art...
GRACE
telling Trip to make art...
(ANDREW puts down a trinket 8.)
(ANDREW picks up a martini glass 1.)
GRACE
and what you said about helping out your spouse...
GRACE
and you don't even say 'yes' when I ask you if you want the truth...
GRACE
that all that is supposed to help me understand something about
myself?
ANDREW
yes
GRACE
Wait, Andrew, let me finish! -- (interrupted)
GRACE
Is what you've said tonight supposed to add up somehow, to something?
(ANDREW puts down a martini glass 1.)
(ANDREW picks up the red wine bottle.)
(ANDREW puts down the red wine bottle.)
GRACE
Is it? I just want a yes or a no.
ANDREW
yes
(ANDREW picks up the red wine bottle.)
(ANDREW puts down the red wine bottle.)
GRACE
Alright.
(ANDREW picks up a martini glass 1.)
(ANDREW puts down a martini glass 1.)
(ANDREW picks up the red wine bottle.)
GRACE
I painted this.
(ANDREW puts down the red wine bottle.)
(ANDREW picks up the advice ball.)
(The advice ball reads, "Who Knows")
(ANDREW puts down the advice ball.)
TRIP
Bullshit.
GRACE
I am an artist, Trip, fuck you.
TRIP
You've been secretly painting? When --
GRACE
Everytime you go on a goddamn business trip, I paint.
TRIP
Jesus --
GRACE
So don't EVER give me any more of your 'you could never be an artist'
crap!!
GRACE
uhh...
ANDREW
nice painting.
TRIP
uhh...
TRIP
Jesus...!
GRACE
Andrew, I --
TRIP
I'm going to give you the truth too, Grace.
GRACE
What?!
TRIP
Grace...
TRIP
uhh...
TRIP
I'm -- I'm just... af -- afraid of... of being poor.
GRACE
Poor? Trip, we have so much! What do you --
TRIP
It never feels like enough!
TRIP
As a kid... it -- it was... My family was always on the edge.
GRACE
So you weren't rich, but --
TRIP
We even spent six months in a shelter once.
GRACE
Oh my God...!
TRIP
All of this stuff...
TRIP
Is a kind of protection from that ever happening again.
TRIP
uhh...
GRACE
uhh...
GRACE
Oh my God...!
TRIP
Okay, Andrew, Grace, I have one more thing to say...
GRACE
Again?!
TRIP
Grace...
TRIP
uhh...
TRIP
I forced you to marry me, didn't I.
TRIP
When I proposed to you, in front of your parents, on Christmas Eve,
and...
TRIP
I knew you wouldn't be capable of saying no.
GRACE
You manipulated me.
GRACE
And I never did anything about it.
TRIP
Yes.
GRACE
And here we are.
TRIP
uhh...
GRACE
uhh...
GRACE
Oh my God...!
GRACE
This changes everything...
TRIP
Yeah.
TRIP
You... you really have to be an artist...
GRACE
You... you're terribly afraid of being poor.
TRIP
I manipulated you into marrying me...
GRACE
No, I -- I let it happen...
TRIP
Andrew, I --
GRACE
Andrew, we...
TRIP
Look, uh, we need to talk...
GRACE
Yeah.
TRIP
Andrew, Thanks for coming over, you... I think you helped us.
ANDREW
that's fine.
(Trip opens the front door.)
TRIP
And no, Andrew, you don't need to say anything more...
GRACE
Bye. Thanks.
ANDREW
bye.
(Trip closes the front door.)