2 B or not 2 B BY B_sirius:

[Hans-Jürgen Bauer]

Dear members,

got a lot to say but don´t know exactly where to start since writing is not my privilege. May be it will be soon...

It`s not easy for me to tighten and keep contacts. I´m a sagittarius and I´m always somewhere else.

But I will improve to stick to a discussion going on.

I`ve read some of this group`s post of the past and I want to tell you that I feel very good,comfortable and save in your company.

I think we share a lot of things. Especially the need to search for new answers.

You talked about the inner glow. I experienced the inner dakness.

Well I once almost burned myself because of the inner mounting flame I couldn`t controll. Too much energy but no direction to use it.

I started the inner war with myself and projected it on to the outside world which I denied.

Now I am 40 years old. My war lasted for about 36 years I think. I survived myself. I´m the winner and looser at the same time.

I started out to loose myself. Alcohol abusement for instance, lonelyness, aggression, frustration once and all together again back and forward.

I seriously got ill. My illness was  my biggest chance to change. I know this now. It was some kind of sign I couldn`t oversee.

Now after 4 long years recovering, wandering on my new path I feel much more relation and connection to everything,mankind, nature, good and bad things. Feels like being born again. I honestly have the feeling that I died. At least parts of me died. Sometimes I think that I`m already dead. All is nothing and nothing is all.

Knowing myself better now, I start to understand others.You are  like me.We are all  like ourselves. If I don`t like you I probably don`t like myself.

Nowadays I`m in charge of a group for young addicts and polytox people.

I work for good in my spare time. This has become very important to me.

Once I had a dog. Melvin was his name. He taught me a lot. I believe that dog is god. Just one example. We all are god. At least we could become godlike.

The religion I was taught once- roman catholic- frightened me because of a god seeing, hearing and knowing everything. A god there to punish me. Because he´s god and I´m a man never reach him, never be equal.

Nowadays I´m a "pagan" with a deep interest in hinduism and buddhism .

Jesus is and was a very important symbol to me especially when I was ill.

The "jesus" of our days to me is dalai lama.

Enough brainstorming.

I was earth-googling and flying to cedar grove. Pretty rural or?

I have a nice shirt saying: " Cherokee-North Carolina". My mum once took it along for me when she was visiting friends in Knoxille I think.

Blessed be.

Hans