gnespe olyana enrique
Lakia Throssell
(The review starts with the Channel Awesome Production Logo, followed by a caption that says, "2013, two years after his last musical crossover, The Nostalgia Critic has teamed up with Paw and Kyle to sing once more at the convention ConBravo". We cut to the lobby fountain of a hotel near Hamilton Convention Center (where ConBravo was taking place at the time), as a parody of the "Prologue/Work Song" from Les Misrables starts to play. The camera cuts to a hallway moving towards the peephole of one of the door of one of the rooms. Inside are The Nostalgia Critic, PawDugan, and Kyle Kallgren, sitting on the bed watching the 2012 Les Misrables movie, cringing and groaning in pain rhythmically with the song)
(Cut to Brentalfloss entering the room, wearing a ridiculous version of Javert's uniform complete with a cardboard copy of Javert's hat made from a Cap'n Crunch box and slinkies on his shoulders)
Floss: Yeah, it's wonderful! I've actually been channeling Russell Crowe (pulls out a soundtrack album of "Russell Crowe Sings The King and I," featuring NC making a Crowe-like face) by listening to his latest album. (The three look at the CD with disgust and fear) And, uh, I gotta tell ya, he's changing the music world forever.
Paw (vo): This story of the 1832 June Rebellion in Paris was forever transformed in collective consciousness when Claude-Michel Schnberg and company decided that this tale would make a great musical, and became known as one of the single greatest musicals of the late 20th century.
Paw (vo): Then Tom Hooper decided that this should become a blockbuster movie in 2012, and it became known as the single strangest execution of the 21st century. But that's not necessarily a bad thing.
Kyle (vo): When you get down to it, he's in tune. He knows how to phrase his melodies. But he's using a different style. He's trained in rock and folk, a subdued, naturalistic style. Musical theater is grand and stylized, and because of that, the nature of the aesthetic makes it easy to spot a faker.
(After being free, we are shown Valjean walking up a hill, his anger rising as his paroled status prevents him from getting work or accommodation, though he is offered shelter by the kindly Bishop of Digne)
Paw (vo): But the acting still really pulls through, like here. While on his parole, Jean Valjean can't find any work because of his past. But a priest, played by Colm Wilkinson, shows comfort to him.
(Valjean steals the Bishop's silverware, but is quickly captured by police, but Valjean is shocked when the Bishop answers he offered him the silver, telling him to use it to do something worthwhile with his life)
NC (vo): So Valjean gets arrested for stealing silver from the priest. But the priest makes up a lie for Valjean, allowing him to be free. This hits pretty close for our hero, (cut to extreme close-up of Valjean) so close, you can practically smell his breath.
Kyle (vo): Yes, and the wide range of scenery is impressive, too. (We are shown a sped-up shot of Valjean repeatedly walking up and down the hall) In front of the altar, back through the hall, back to the altar again, back through the hall.
NC (vo): So, now that Valjean wants to break his parole and turn his life around, I'm sure a good chunk of the movie is going to be showing the process of his transformation from outcast fugitive to an everyday, balanced citizen of France...
NC (vo): ...and instead, the movie just sneezes it at us! I mean, look at all these people suffering! Dead bodies! Children suffering! Why doesn't somebody just say "Come on, ya lazy bastards, be mayor! You like stealing bread out of other people's mouths? That's politics in a nutshell!"
(Javert, now inspector, and other police officers are shown riding on their horses through the city streets. He arrives at the factory, much to Valjean's shock, who quickly leaves the foreman to deal with the workers)
(Linkara resumes his Fantine-like pose as the song draws to a close. We cut back to the movie, where Fantine is about to be arrested by Javert, until Valjean, learning who she is, attempts to rescue her)
Paw (vo): Well, because another man was confused for him, and so coincidentally being brought to the court on the same day, so that Valjean revealed himself in the courtroom, except that Javert wasn't there, so the judge, for some reason, let him leave to go to the hospital, where Javert caught up later.
Kyle (vo): I find it extremely ironic that Cohen is doing an exaggerated French accent in a movie where everyone is French, yet everyone else in the movie has a British accent, despite the fact that Cohen is one of the few British people there.
(A parody of "Master of the House" plays; this musical number is intercut with scenes of the Thnardiers and images from other films; Malcolm and Rachel struggle to get in front of each other throughout)
NC (vo): So Valjean comes to take Cosette away, who seems to take the whole dead mother thing pretty well...I dare even say, it's just glanced over...but, to be fair, if you were a girl, you'd probably be happy to suddenly have Wolverine as your father, too.
NC (vo): It's passing over all the essential relationships and transformations that create drama! You can do whole entire musicals based on one of the changes these characters go through. But instead, they squeeze each change into one song and then dump in more characters and stories not needed! Why can't they just focus on the already heavy characters and storylines that they have?
Kyle (vo): Critic does bring up a good point. (We are shown the book cover and movie poster of Jurassic Park side-by-side) Doing a film adaptation is tricky enough already. But this is a medium transfer from a medium transfer. You go from a book, which audiences usually allow to be as long as it wants, to a Broadway show, which audiences usually allow to be three hours with an intermission, to a movie, which audiences usually allow two-and-a-half hours at most, with no intermission.
(Back to the movie, showing France in the middle of the French Revolution after General Lamarque, the only government official sympathetic to the poor, dies. A revolutionary named Marius Pontmercy encounters Cosette and they fall in love)
(We go to a commercial. When we come back, we are back in the hotel room, Paw is sitting on the guys' bed once again, this time canoodling with Elisa on his lap, making NC and Kyle look very uncomfortable; eventually, Kyle just shrugs)
(Paw goes back to snuggling with Elisa. ponine is shown singing "On My Own", then we are shown Marius hanging with a group of revolutionists called the Friends of the ABC, which plot to rebel against the monarchy)
(The rest of Marius' singing is replaced by the "voice" of Charlie Brown's teacher. The next day, the rebels and peasants construct barricades, with Javert pretending to be an ally to spy on the rebels)
Kyle (vo): The crane shots are only done at the beginning or end of a scene. That's it. Not to mention, they all look like they're from a Pixar version of Fiddler on the Roof. Second, the tracking shots are great, but the editing never allows us enough time to show them. In fact, most of the editing in this movie is so rapid that you can barely even follow what's going on.
(Kyle hisses like a cat, complete with claw-like hand gestures. Nella yelps in fear and exits. Finally, Kyle begins his song, a parody of "Stars"; the number is intercut with shots of him in the hotel room and clips from the film)
(Kyle nods smugly. Back to the movie, showing ponine dressing as a boy and joining the rebels at the barricade. During the first skirmish against the soldiers, ponine takes a bullet for Marius)
Paw (vo): But a nice interception by Valjean, who grabs the letter and decides he should go down there to protect Marius, as he might be the only hope his daughter has to living a civil life, given the social and financial status of her father.
(Wilkinson's "Ho-ome?" is repeated to the tune of dogs barking "Jingle Bells". NC and Paw are practically dying as they imitate this; Kyle looks even sadder, slowly realizing his opinion of Wilkinson giving a better performance than Hugh Jackman is disintergrating)
(Gavroche distracts the soldiers and gets shot to death. Immediately after, a final skirmish between the rebels and soldiers ensues, with the soldiers storming the students' barricade and executing everyone save Marius and Valjean, who escape into the sewers)
NC (vo): Javert looks over the destruction and gives a very tender moment: handing over his medal to the dead boy for his bravery. Now, this really begs the question: The symbol for Les Miz, both the movie and the stage production, is the child Cosette. But...shouldn't it be the boy Gavroche? I mean, what does (shots of) Cosette do? She looks scared and gets married. Gavroche is constantly active, sacrifices his life, and has much more of a character. Why isn't he the symbol of the movie?
(The guys lean toward the camera with wide, childlike eyes and pouts; this dissolves into an illustrated version of the same, with a Les Mis-style flag behind them. Back to the movie. Valjean drags Marius through the sewer and is confronted by Javert)
Kyle (vo): Valjean manages to escape with an unconscious Marius and comes across Javert waiting. (Valjean walks past Javert) But Javert is so confused by Valjean's honor and kind heart that not only does he let him go, (Javert drops his gun into the muck) but he questions his own morals.
(After Valjean leaves, Cosette and Marius marry, but the Thnardiers crash the wedding reception to try to blackmail Marius, with Thnardier showing the stolen ring, which Marius recognises it as his own and understands that Valjean saved him that night. Marius forces Thnardier to reveal where Valjean is before leaving with Cosette; they reunite with the dying Valjean at the convent)
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