Dating In Japan As A Foreigner

[Ina Dottery]

Thefirst topic we agreed to write about is dating. Specifically, dating Japanese people in Japan. Kayo wrote her piece from the perspective of an outgoing, independent, and overall badass Japanese lady. Be sure to check it out here.

Then there is language. Japanese language is extremely high context, and the level of mastery you need for a healthy, fulfilling relationship goes far beyond what you need with friends or for business.

Naturally, people who feel exhausted with their lives in Japan figure the grass must be greener at the chalet. Usually you can tell when during the first few dates, your romantic interest asks you how long before you plan to go home, and how wonderful it must be to live abroad.

The most famous is the go-kon (合コン), which is basically a group first date. Many Japanese people are nervous of just meeting one-on-one, so instead they meet two-on-two, or three-on-three. A group of single ladies will meet with a group of single men, and couples will be formed.

I was also surprised by how many couples are formed within companies. Japanese employment is usually for life, so the company can be a second family. When you spend most of your time with colleagues, romance will naturally ensue.

Sadly, sometimes declarations fail. If she friendzones you, tough luck. On the bright side, you get to use one of my favorite Japanese phrases, furareta (振られた, meaning to get rejected)! Might as well turn it into a learning experience.

Also, as you say in your blog post: Speaking the local language really opens up lots of more possibilities. In China most people either speak very poor English, or (for the vast majority) do not speak any English at all.

The truth is (this is my gut feeling, you may challenge me on that ? ) about 95% of the woman will never consider dating a foreigner, about 5% would date both and then there is this tiny tiny fraction of women (actually significantly less than 1%) that will

exclusively target foreigners. They have the same weird motives of mixed blood child and this BS and some want to leave China ( a lot of Chinese people are not very happy with their lives).

Additionally, due to this stupid one child policy and the fact that still to this date women are considered as the inferior gender, men significantly outnumber the women. So there is a shortage of women especially in rural

areas. However, while men tend to stay at home the women tend to move into the big cities. Therefore in cities like Shanghai and Shenzhen women outnumber men a little bit.

Due to these circumstances foreigners (applies only to males) are considered to be stealing Chinese women while women that date a foreigner are considered inferior and therefore dating a foreigner gets a pretty bad touch.

1. Some girls will want to fuck/date/bfgf because you are white. These tend to be 1-3s/10 with the occasional cute party girl, but these girls are low not just because of looks but they will have the worst personalities. Girls that like you for being white, black, American- these girls are the bottom of the barrel, girls that japanese guys tend to not like (its no wonder they suddenly quit and turn to foreigners).

I can 100% confirm this experience. In Tokyo it is easy to get with women, but remember there are over 40 million people living in that area. In reality there are not that many women interested in dating a foreigner, especially high quality women.

Speaking of the conservative culture, I should also note that the cis-gendered, straight dating scene in Japan is, just like anywhere else, vastly different in Japan. While LGBTQI+ people may not openly face violence or disrespect as gay dating is somewhat safe, Japan is still a conservative country for even straight people, so, I recommend keeping this in mind at all times.

As I just prefaced, the way romantic relationships are formed is much more defined in Japan. After the initial flirting stage, both sides usually declare their romantic interest in one another, and this means that they are now officially dating.

You do have to keep in mind, however, that the traditional Japanese mindset favors relationships that end in marriages. Women who think this way, in particular, might see non-serious relationships as a waste of time.

Tinder and Bumble are still pretty popular, but less so among Japanese people who are looking for life partners or at least long-lasting romantic relationships. These apps are mostly popular among foreigners and Japanese people who speak English and are looking for casual dates or hookups.

Luckily, due to the high success rate and the convenience of goukons, variations of the event have also begun to pop up. These events are less personalized but usually include more people and also have the element of surprise for those looking for something more unexpected.

As goukons and machikons have proven to be quite successful in the past, nowadays, there are much more focused versions of these events that offer a bit more personality, and these are called Shumikons.

A name originated from the largest bar that started this type of event, Aisekiya, the Aiseki Izakaya is a type of get-together where an equal number of men and women can share tables at random and get to know one another.

The way it works is simple. Usually, you are seated at a random table with the help of the staff, and you talk to each other. The concept is usually open bar and all-you-can-eat buffet, which motivates people to get comfortable.

Activities of this kind can even give you opportunities to get to know one another better. A simple walk in the zoo can turn into a deep conversation about your childhood pet or your upbringing in the countryside.

In most relationships, meeting the parents is inevitable, and the same is also true in Japan. This admittedly-much-dreaded moment is seen as a pretty big step in Japanese relationships, and it can be a make-or-break-type deal for most people, especially if they have a traditional upbringing.

Are you new to Japan and looking to meet new people? Are you open to dating? Or are you too shy to get yourself out there in the dating scene? Our comprehensive guide will walk you through the ins and outs of dating in Japan as a foreigner.

One thing to keep in mind is that dating is different for everyone, what could work for someone else might not necessarily work for you. So think of this article as a rough guide to help you triumph in the world of dating as a foreigner in Japan.

The culture and customs in Japan are much different to other countries such as The United Kingdom and the USA, in which it is encouraged to speak your mind. Japan is very much an indirect speaking country, a lot of things are better left unsaid, or the approach would be different.

This comes down to two reasons; privacy and accommodation for others. People in Japan value their privacy immensely, so partaking in something so public as PDA could take away the personal connection of dating.

This is where the differences become especially apparent between dating in Japan and other countries. The frequency of contact is something that is especially prevalent when dating in Japan, and how infrequent this contact can be.

The Japanese seem to be ahead of the curve when it comes to dating. Looking to stay at home and stick on a bit of Netflix? Been there, done that. While for the most part, countries such as England and the US like to go outdoors and socialise for their dates, the Japanese see time spent alone, together as extremely important.

Tinder enables you to set your proximity to eligible singles, as well as your age range to help you find the perfect match. There is of course also the option to pay for Tinder Plus to unlock premium features such as unlimited likes and the rewind feature in case you were a bit too trigger happy.

There are some notable features on Bumble that separates it from other dating apps in Japan. The first is Bumble Bizz: helping you to find people in the same profession, mentor, seek a career change or just chat!

OKCupid asks you everything about your life to find out exactly what makes you tick; and to partner you with someone that shares the same interests or has similar personality traits. This information is then used to gauge your personality match with strangers, ranging from 0-100%.

Match Alarm is a Japan specific app, and in contrast to other dating apps takes the hassle away from the users and suggests matches for you. They believe in quality over quantity, and their unique functionality enables you to wade through the noise and find the right match for you.

Tapple is another popular Japanese dating app similar to Tinder, but with some unique features. While sharing the swiping feature, Tapple also allows you to search for a match based on your interests.

Tapple is also the perfect app for foreigners looking to date in Japan, as they have a specific category for foreigners. Enabling local women/men to search by this category and find you. There is also the functionality to build a community to help like minded individuals find each other based on specific criteria.

Frigg adopts an approach similar to Omiai helping singles to find a serious match, an eligible marriage partner. This is also presented in a similar fashion to the dating app Match Alarm, in which you are presented with one match per day.

After you have completed over 100 questions covering personality, lifestyle, interests etc. you will then start the process of finding your perfect match. You are also able to exclude specific criteria such as drinking, smoking and gambling, for example.

Hatch is an app similar to Bumble in that women make the first move. That move has to be made in the first 24 hours or the match disappears. For same sex couples the first move can be made by either party.

9Monsters is an extremely popular LGBTQ+ app originating in Japan with a central focus on the Asia-Pacific. This Japanese dating app has two features completely unique to them: breeding system and auto translate messaging.

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