Real names of real people
Dominic Hughes
The News Review section prides itself on being fairly intellectual, so
it seems only fair to warn you that I’m about to depart from the
rigorous high standards of tone and taste that you have come to expect
here. If you do not giggle in a slightly embarrassed way on
discovering that Everard Cock is a real name then you should look away
now.
Poor Everard, born in Somerset in 1890, appears alongside Seymour
Bust, Pinky Bottoms, Agusta Wind and Obese Burk in a new book of
unfortunate baby names. Called Frou-Frou, Frisby & Brick, it was
compiled by Russell Ash, who is something of an expert in this arcane
field. I imagine he was attracted to the subject after long years
burdened by the name R Ash.
[...]
Having an unusual name is like being very tall. It makes you stand out
and adds a certain steel to your personality. Just think what strength
of character you would need to go through life as, for example,
Arsfona Bumgardner (born West Virginia, 1885).
Would Labour MP Ed Balls, the former children’s secretary, have taken
quite such a robust approach to political opponents if he’d been
called, say, Miliband? Occasionally Balls is asked whether he was
teased at school. His reply is always the same. “If you think it was
bad for me,” he says, “imagine what it was like for my sister,
Ophelia.”
Very amusing, but perhaps not so entertaining for the real-life
Ophelia Balls, born in Georgia, in the US, in 1885. Ash has also
uncovered Ophelia Butt, Ophelia Self, Ophelia Willy and a couple of
Ophelias I couldn’t possibly mention without risk of offence.
Dom
Peter Groves
>
> Dom
Dom, I'm astonished to find that the clearly impossible name "William
Shakespeare", with its fifty obscene but witty puns obvious to all but
the most grovelling of peasants, isn't on the list. What an
extraordinary and unaccountable oversight!
Peter G.
TomFoster
I think you'll find that, according to Crowley, it's thousands, not
fifty. I once asked him to give me just fifty or so, but strangely
enough, he never did.
Tom
Melanie Sands
>
> Dom
Googling around, I get loads of silly names, sillier indeed than Shake-
Speare:
BRITAIN'S MOST BIZARRE NAMES
Barb Dwyer
Pearl Button
Hazel Nutt
Ray Gunn
Helen Back
Stan Still
Jo King
Lee King
Terry Bull
Mary Christmas
Max Power
Paige Turner
Sonny Day
Tim Burr
Teresa Green
Will Power
Anna Sasin
Chris Cross
Doug Hole
Justin Case
Barry Cade
AMERICA’S BIZARRE NAMES
Anna Prentice
Annette Curtain
Bill Board
Carrie Oakey
Dr Leslie Doctor
Dr Thoulton Surgeon
Dr Payne
Les Plack
Priti Manek
Dr Sumey
Achilles Punks Adam Bomb Adam Sapple
Adolf Oliver Nippils Aida Banana Al Gore-Rythm
Al Kickurass Al Killue Al Luminium
Al Nino Al O'Moaney Al Cahol
Al Fingerham Al Kaholic Al B Zienya
Al Be Fayed Alec Tricity Alex-Blaine Layder
Alf Abet Ali Gator Allota Fagina
Alpha Kenny One Amanda Hugnkiss Andy Gravity
Anita Bath Anita Hoare Anita Gofradump
Ann Chovy Ann Tartica Anna Linjection
Anna Mull Anna Rexia Anne Ulbieds
Anne T Lope Annie Buddyhome Anny Mall
Ariel Hassle Ariel Painin-Diaz Artie Choke
Ayma Dummy Ayma Moron
- B -
Barb Dwyre Barb E Cue Barry D Hatchett
Bart Ender Bea Sting Bea O Problem
Ben Crobbery Ben Dover Ben Lyon
Ben Thair Bess Twishes Betty Bangzer
Betty Beatzer Bill Board Bill Ding
Bill Lowney Bo Nessround Bo Nus
Brooke Lynn-Bridge Bud Weiser Burnedette Down
Buster Cherry
- C -
Candice B DePlace Carl Arm Carrie Oakey
Casey Deeya Chanda Lear Chris Mass
Chuck E Cheese Crystal Ball Curt N. Rodd
- D -
Dale Eroutine Dan Druff Darius Letsgettham
Dee Capitated Dee Sember Dick Comeoff
Dick Head Dick Tater Dick Zucker
Didi Reelydoit Don Thatt
- E -
Ed Djewcation Ed Venture Ella Vator
Ellie Noise Ellis Dee Emma Roids
Emma Royds Eric Shun Eve Ning
Eve O'lution Ewan Whatarmy
- F -
Faya Tallity Faye Slift Faye Kinnit
Flip Flop Frank Furter Frank N Stein
- G -
Gabe Asher Gene Eyuss Gene Poole
Gil T Azhell Gladys Eeya Gus Comzadia
- H -
Hal E Luya Hammond Eggs Harris Ment
Harrison Fire Harry Balzac Harry Weiner
Harry P. Ness Hayden Seek Haywood Yablowme
Haywood Yahootme Hein Noon Helen Back
Herb Eaverstinks Herbie Hind Herbie Voor
Holden McGroin Holly Dayin Holly Wood
Homer Sexual Howe D Pardner Hugh DeMann
Hugh Hass Hugh Douche Hugh G Rection
Hugo First
- I -
Ida Hoe Igor Beaver Ima Moron
Ima Nidiot Ima Gay Ima Stoopid
Ima B Leever Ira Fuse Ivan Ardon
Ivana Humpalot Izzy Backyet Izzy Cumming
- J -
Jack Koff JAck Pot Jay Wakler
Jeff Healit Jenny Tull Jerry Atrics
Jim Nasium Joanna Die Joanna Hand
Joe Kerr Joe King Juan Nightstand
Juana Be Justin Case Justin Credible
Justin Time
- K -
Kaye-Ken Coffee Ken Opener Kenny Dewitt
Kenny Focker Kent Cook Kent Dance
Kent Makeupmorejokes Kent Read Kimmy Head
- L -
Lance Lyde Laura-Lynn Hardy Leah Tard
Lee Nover Len DeHand Lezz Bien
Lisa Neucar Liz Onnia Lon Mower
Lou Briccant Lou Sirr Lou Stooth
Louise E Anna Lowden Clear Luke Atmyass
Luke-Adam Go Luna Tick
- M -
Mabel Syrup Madame Crotch Manuel Labor
Marcus Absent Marcus Down Marge Innastraightline
Mark Mywords Mary Christmas Mary Juana
Mary Ott Master Bates Max E Mumm
May O'Nays May I Tutchem Mel Practiss
Michelle Lynn Mike Hunt Mike Ocksmall
Mike Rohsoft Mike Rotchsburns Mike Umstains
Milly Meter Minnie Skirt Misty Meanor
Moe Lester Moe Skeeto Moe Telsix
Moe DeLawn
- N -
Neil Down Neil B Formy Neve Adda
Nick O'Teen Nick Ovtime Nick L Andime
- O -
Oliver Closeoff Otto Whackew
- P -
Page Turner Pete Zaria Peter Pan
Phil Atio Phil Myezz Phil A Delphia
Phil A Sheo Phil t. Rich Philip Flop
Polly-Esther Pants
- R -
Rachel Descrimination Ram Dass Ray Pugh
Ray Pistt Renee Sance Rick R. Mortis
Rita Book Robin Banks Robin Meeblind
- S -
Sal Ami Sam Monella Sam Pull
Sam Urai Samson Night Sarah Doctorinthehouse
Scott-Shawn DeRocks Seymour Wytham Sheri Cola
Sherman Whadd Evver Sid Down Sir Tondeath
Stan Dup Stu Pitt Sue Case
Sue Permann Sue Yourazzof Sue Perman
Sue Shi Sue E Side
- T -
Ted Ebare Tilly Getsback Tim Burr
Toby Continued Tom Ato Ty Tannick
Ty Tass
- U -
Uri Noyin
- V -
Val Crow Val Lay Val Vet
Vlad Tire
- W -
Warren Piece Willie Maykit Willie Stroker
Wilma Hairgrowback Winnie Bago Winnie DaPooh
- X -
Xavier Money
http://www.ethanwiner.com/funnames.html
Adam Baum
Adam Zapel
Al Bino
Al Dente
Al Fresco
Al K. Seltzer
Alf A. Romeo
Ali Katt
Amanda Lay (real person)
Amanda Lynn (a mandolin)
Amber Green
Andy Friese (as in antifreeze, a real race car driver)
Anita Bath, Anita Bohn, Anita Dick, Anita Friske, Anita Hanke (real
person), Anita Goodman, Anita Hoare, Anita Job
Anita Knapp, Anita Lay, Anita Little, Anita Mann, Anita Mandalay,
Anita Plummer, Anita Shower
Anna Graham
Anna Prentice (an apprentice)
Anna Recksiek (anorexic)
Anna Sasin
Anne Teak
Annette Curtain
Annie Howe, Annie Matter
April May (a real person I knew in high school)
April Schauer (allegedly a real person)
Aretha Holly
Armand Hammer
Art Major, Art Painter, Art Sellers
B.A. Ware
Barb Dwyer
Barb E. Dahl
Barbara Seville
Barry Cade
Bea Minor and Dee Major
Beau Archer, Beau Tye
Ben Dover, Ben Down, Eileen Dover, Skip Dover
Ben Marcata (a musical term)
Bess Eaton (donut shop chain)
Biff Wellington
Bill Board
Bill Ding
Bill Foldes
Bill Loney
Billy Rubin
Bob Apple
Bob Katz, Tom Katz, Kitty Katz
Bonnie Ann Clyde
Bonnie Beaver, MD - she's an Ob/Gyn of course!
Brad Hammer (carpenter joke)
Brandon Cattell
Brandy Anne Koch (Brandy and Coke)
Brandy D. Cantor
Brighton Early
Brock Lee
Brooke Trout
Bud Light
Bud Wieser (real college math teacher)
Buster Cherry, Buster Hyman
C. Good (alledgedly a real eye doctor)
C. Senor
C. Worthy
Cam Payne
Candace Spencer (can dispenser)
Candy Barr, Candy Baskett, Candy Kane, Candy Sweet
Cara Sterio (alleged real person)
Cara Van
Carrie Dababi ("carry the baby" - Dababi is an Egyptian name)
Carrie Oakey
Casey Macy
Cheri Pitts, Harry Pitts
Chip Munk
Chip Stone (sculptor)
Chris Coe
Chris Cross
Chris P. Bacon
Chuck U. Farley
Chuck Waggon
Claire Annette Reed
Constance Noring
Corey O. Graff
Count Dunn, Count Orff
Coyne Flatt (real person)
Craven Moorehead
Crystal Ball
Crystal Claire Waters
Crystal Glass, Crystal Snow
D. Kay, DDS
D. Liver
Dan D. Lyons
Dan Druff
Dan Saul Knight
Darren Deeds
Daryl Rhea
Dick Bender (real sports person)
Dick Burns
Dick Bush (real person)
Dick Face
Dick Finder (real name of a urologist)
Dick Head, Dick Hertz
Dick Hyman (famous jazz musician)
Dick Hunter (my junior high principal - really!)
Dick Mussell
Dick Pole (real major league baseball player)
Dick Rasch (real person)
Dick Swett
Dick Tator
Dick Trickle (real person, a NASCAR driver)
Dickson Yamada
Dilbert Pickles
Dinah Soares
Dixon, Cox, and Peters (law firm)
Don Key
Donald Duck
Donny Brook
Doris Schutt (Doris Open...)
Doug Graves
Doug Hole
Doug & Phil Updegrave (yes, this is a legitimate last name)
Doug Witherspoon
Douglas Furr
Dr. Baldock (of course he's a Urologist)
Dr. Croak
Dr. Harry C. Beaver (real OB/GYN, retired now)
Dr. Bender (Chiropracter)
Dr. Butcher
Dr. DeKay, DDS
Dr. & Dr. Doctor (real married doctors from Norwalk, CT)
Dr. E. Ville
Dr. Shelly Fingerhood (real OB/GYN)
Dr. Gass (allegedly a real anesthesiologist)
Dr. Gutstein
Dr. Hanus
Dr. Hurt (real pediatrician in Saginaw, MI)
Dr. Hymen
Dr. I. Ball (optometrist)
Dr. Kauff
Dr. Look (real opthalmologist in Hawaii)
Dr. Looney - a psychiatrist of course!
Dr. Payne (plastic surgeon in Sandusky, OH)
Dr. Pullham
Dr. Robert Fallis, real doctor who does vasectomies)
Dr. Slaughter (proof HERE, probably more with that name)
Dr. Surgeon (another real doctor from Stamford, CT)
Drew Peacock
Duane Pipe
Dusty Rhodes
Dusty Sandmann (real person, submitted by his dad Roger Sandmann)
Edna May (or may not)
Earl E. Bird
Earl Lee Riser
Easton West (and of course Weston East)
Eaton Wright and Liv Good
Ella Vader
Emma Royds
Eric Shinn
Ernie Coli (E. Coli) owns a Mexican restaurant?
Estelle Hertz (it still hurts)
Evan Keel
Faith Christian
Fanny O'Rear
Father A. Long
Ferris Wheeler
Ford Parker
Forrest Green
Dr. Frank Bonebreak (real doctor)
Gae Hooker (allegedly real surgical prep nurse)
Gaye Barr
Gaye Jolly
Gail Storm (Wendy Storm, Dusty Storm and Rory Storm)
Gene Poole
Geoff L. Tavish (Gefilte fish)
Gil Fish
Ginger Rayl, Ginger Snapp, Ginger Vitus
Gladys C. Hughes (glad to see you)
H. Wayne Carver, MD (Connecticut medical examiner who carves up dead
people.)
Hamilton Burger (Ham Burger, character on the old Perry Mason TV
series)
Harden Thicke
Harold Assman (and you thought that Seinfeld episode was just a joke)
Harry Armand Bach, Harry Balls, Harry Beard, Harry Beaver
Harry Caray (famous sports announcer)
Harry Chest, Harry Cox, Harry Johnson, Harry Legg, Harry Hooker, Harry
P. Ness, Harry Peters, Harry Lipp, Harry Sachs
Harry R. M. Pitts
Harry Rump (a real plumber from Freemont, Maine!)
Hazle Nutt
Heidi Clare
Helen Back
Helen Waite (credit manager - if you want credit go to Helen Waite)
Herb Rice
Holly McRell
Holly Day, Holly Wood
Howie Doohan
Hugh Jass
Hugh Jorgan
Hugh Morris (a "humorous" name, thanks to Shaun Oriold)
Hy Ball
Hy Lowe, Bea Lowe
Hy Marx (scholar), Hy Price
I.D. Clair
I. Lasch
I.M. Boring
I.P. Freely, I.P. Daly
Ileane Wright, Ilene South (West, East...)
Ima Hogg (a real person, daughter of a Texas governor)
Iona Ford
Iona Frisbee (alledgedly a real person)
Iona Stonehouse (also alledgedly a real person)
Ivan Oder
Ivana Mandic (a real basketball player)
Ivy Leage
Jack Goff (my uncle - no kidding!)
Jack Haas
Jack Hammer
Jack Knoff
Jack Tupp (the perfect name for a car mechanic)
Jay Walker
Jean Poole
Jed Dye (Jedi)
Jenny Tull
Jerry Atrick
Jim Laucher (gym locker)
Jim Shorts, Jim Shu, Jim Sox
Jo King
Joe Kerr (joker)
Jordan Rivers
Joy Kil
Joy Rider
June Bugg
Justin Case, Justin Casey Howells, Justin Hale, Justin Inch, Justin
Miles North (just ten miles north), Justin Time,
Kandi Apple
Kay Bull
Keelan Early (dying young) - real person who submitted his own name
Kelly Green
Kenny Penny
Kent C. Strait (an optometrist, of course!)
Kenya Dewit
Kerry Oki
King Queene
Lake Speed (a real person, NASCAR race car driver)
Lance Boyle, Lance Butts
Laura Lynne Hardy
Laura Norder (law and order)
Leigh King (leaking)
Les Moore
Les Payne - should be an anesthesiologist
Les Plack, a real dentist - proof HERE
Levon Coates
Lewis N. Clark (real person, he told me he drives an Explorer)
Lina Ginster (allegedly real)
Lisa Carr, Kitty Carr, Otto Carr, Parker Carr
Lisa May Boyle, Lisa May Dye
Lois Price (bargain shopper) and her husband Hy Price
Lou Pole
Lou Zar (loser)
Lucy Fer
Luke Warm
Lynn C. Doyle
Lynn O. Liam
M. Balmer
Macon Paine (real name - Google it)
Mark Skid (Skid, Mark)
Manny Kinn
Marlon Fisher
Marsha Dimes (march of dimes)
Marsha Mellow
Marshall Law
Marty Graw
Mary Annette Woodin
Mary A. Richman
Mary Christmas
Matt Tress
Maude L.T. Ford
Max Little
Max Power
May Day
May Furst
Mel Loewe
Melba Crisp (real person who emailed me)
Melody Music
Mia Hamm (a real person)
Mike Easter
Mike Hunt
Mike Raffone
Mike Reinhart (My Cryin' Heart - sounds like it could be a country
song)
Mike Rotch
Mike Stand (a real person)
Mike Sweeney (sounds as Mike's weenie), famous baseball player
Minny van Gogh
Missy Sippy (and her mom, Mrs. Sippy)
Mister Bates
Misty Waters (a real person)
Misty C. Shore (a real person), Rocky Shore, Sandy C. Shore (another
real person)
Mo Lestor
Molly Kuehl
Mona Lott
Monica Monica (real person)
Morey Bund
Muddy Waters (famous blues singer, real name McKinley Morganfield)
Myles Long
Nancy Ann Cianci
Nat Sass
Neil Down, Neil Crouch
Neil McNeil (submitted by his cousin)
Nick O. Time
Noah Riddle, Noah Lott
Norma Leigh Lucid
Olive Branch
Olive Yew
Oliver Sutton (all of a sudden)
Ophelia Payne
Oren Jellow
Orson Carte
Oscar Ruitt
Otto Graf
Owen Moore, Owen Bigg (should be tax collectors)
P. Ness, A. Ness
P. Brain
Paige Turner
Park A. Studebaker
Pat Downe (a real person)
Pat McCann
Pat Hiscock
Pearl Button
Pearl E. Gates, Pearl E. White
Peg Legge
Penny Dollar (real person)
Penny Lane, Penny Nichols, Penny Profit, Penny Wise
Pepe Roni
Pete Moss and his son Forest
Peter Johnson (a real announcer on public radio), Dick Johnson
Peter Peed
Peter Wacko, DDS (real dentist in Calgary, AB, proof HERE)
Phil Bowles (must be a pot dealer)
Phil Graves (cemetery employee, works with his brother Doug Graves)
Phil Rupp
Phil Wright, DDS (real dentist in Anchorage, AK, proof HERE)
Phillip D. Bagg (partner of Robin Banks below)
Pierce Cox (ouch!)
Pierce Deere
Pierce Hart
Polly Ester
Post, Mark
Price Wright (another real person)
Priti Manek ("pretty manic", real doctor in Houston, TX)
R. M. Pitt
R. Sitch
R. Slicker
Randy Guy
Randy Lover
Raney Schauer
Ray Gunn
Ray Zenz (raisins)
Raynor Schein
Reid Enright
Rex Easley (reportedly a real traffic safety teacher at Kamiakin High,
Kennewick, WA)
Rhea Curran
Rhoda Booke, Rita Booke
Rich Feller, Rich Guy
Richard P. Cox (real person)
Richard Chopp (real Urologist in Austin, TX, does vasectomies)
Rick O'Shea
Rick Shaw
Rip Torn
Rita Buch
Robin Andis Merryman
Robin Banks, Rob Banks, Robin Feathers, Robin Money, U. O. Money
Robert and Reginald Soles (allegedly real brothers: R. Soles)
Rock Pounder, Rock Bottoms
Rocky Beach, Sandy Beach
Rocky Mountain, Cliff Mountain
Rocky Rhoades
Rod N. Reel
Roman Holiday
Rose Bush, Rose Gardner
Rowan Boatman
Royal Payne
Russell Leeves
Russell Sprout
Rusty Blades, Rusty Bridges, Rusty Carr, Rusty Dorr, Rusty Fossat,
Rusty Fender
Rusty Irons, Rusty Keyes, Rusty Nail, Rusty Pipes, Rusty Steele
Sal A. Mander
Sal Minella, Sam Manilla, Sam & Ella's restaurant
Sally Forth
Sarah Bellum
Sawyer B. Hind, Sawyer Dickey (even better, I. Sawyer Dickey)
Sandy Banks, Sandy Beech, Sandy Brown, Sandy Spring
Seth Poole (poor guy has a lisp)
Seymour Bush (gynecologist), Seymour Butz (proctologist), Seymour
Wiener (urologist)
Shanda Lear (daughter of Bill Lear, inventor of the Lear jet)
Sharon Fillerup
Sharon Needles, Sharon Weed, Sharon A. Burger
Sheila Blige
Skip Roper, Skip Stone
Sonny Day
Sno White (real person)
Stan Still - should own a 'stationery' store :->)
Stanley Cupp
Dr. Steven Sumey (Dr. sue me, real person in Fairmont, MN)
Sue Flay
Sue Yu, Sue Jeu
Summer Camp (allegedly a real person)
Summer Day
Summer Greene
Sy Burnette
Tad Moore
Tad Pohl
Tanya Hyde
Tara Cherry, real gynecologist (PROOF)
Terry Achey (real name)
Terry Bull (allegedly real name, and his brother Eddie Bull)
Tess Steckle
Therese R. Green, Teresa Green
Thomas Richard Harry
Tim Burr
Tish Hughes
Tom A. Toe
Tom Katt
Tom Morrow
Tommy Gunn
Tommy Hawk
Trina Woods, Trina Forest (tree in the woods, tree in a forest)
Ty Coon, Ty Knotts
Viola Solo
Virginia Beach
Walter Melon
Wanda Rinn
Wanna Hickey
Warren Peace
Warren T.
Will Power
Will Race (real person who told me he races cars and on foot)
Will Wynn (Mayor of Austin, Texas)
Willie B. Hardigan
Willie Leak (or won't he)
Willie Stroker
Winsom Cash, Owen Cash
Woody Forrest
X. Benedict
Melanie
Dominic Hughes
>
> read more »
Wow...quite impressive.
Here are some professionals with unfortunate names:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/unfortunately-named-professionals
Dom
Bob Grumman
who named his daughter "Candy."
--Bob
Bob Grumman
Oh, you didn't know, Peter? It WAS on the list, but only for a day or
two. The Trust found out about it, got it removed, and executed
the people responsible.
--Bob
John W Kennedy
> I knew a guy whose last name was Barr
> who named his daughter "Candy."
Apart from the obvious stupidity of that act, that was the stage name
of a famous stripper and porn actress of the 50s.
--
John W Kennedy
"When a man contemplates forcing his own convictions down another man's
throat, he is contemplating both an unchristian act and an act of
treason to the United States."
-- Joy Davidman, "Smoke on the Mountain"
Bob Grumman
I doubt very much that the guy I'm talking about will ever read this,
but I should have said he had a daughter named "Candy Barr." In other
words, his wife may have been the namer. As for the stripper, I
remember her--and the later stripper,
Candy Samples.
--Bob