Relapse

[Nikunj Bansal]

Yet again, 

I am where I began,

Emotions bursting out from the can,

I am Stan, and I am my only known surviving fan.

Embroiled in other's boiled ego,

Am thinking again,

feels like the first time though. 

Months on numbness has made me profane,

Moments of introspect make me insane,

I have clutched me from my erratic mane,

I am sitting atop a standing cane.

I tried to cry it out too,

air oozed outta my eyes,

I tried to talk it out too,

unfathomable my problem's size. 

It's not a relapse, if you've never recovered, 

recovery takes time, as long as you're alive. 

Once an addict, always an addict.

Once depressed, always depressed.

Once you falter, never you recover.

Once you die, everything's a fuckin' lie.

Wry, dry, cry, try,

everyday

in my own blood

I fry

my soul

dead like my skin

mashed potato my head,

rotten tomato my eye,

thick my tongue,

thin my protective head gear,

Why the fuck am I even alive?

Just because hope overpowers fear,

and servant overthrows the seer,

seared is my rear, truly,

death is near, dear. 

How does one shout while writing?

How does one relieve without shouting?

How does one live with all the flouting?

How does one express with all the doubting?

Above all, How does one find purpose amid all the mundane?

Moments of introspect really make me really insane.

Oh shut up and stick in deep the cane,

All it takes to fuck up your entire existence,

is one wrong lane.