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Vi D

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May 10, 2009, 6:20:23 PM5/10/09

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Hello group,

In fact, I was very depressed with what we experienced so far with the project and I have been facing with my own dilemma of whether quitting the group or not. It most deals with my ethics of my contribution to the group and the project itself. Very honestly, I considered myself as very little value to the group and this; I have to admit that, I never happened to me before in any other projects. Every day coming back from the lectures and meetings, I have headache and also stomach-ache. I many times wondered what I was struggling for?... For the credits while I have no motivation, no energy, no interest in the project? I even hate some members in the group because the way they look at the others like look down on, authorization and discrimination. When I see their way of seeing or glancing, I lost emotions and feeling down and down. But then I asked myself if I just take the monkey to myself or give the troubles to myself. Or just my own problem..!??

I do like some friends in the project because the way they treat and behave with others. But then … what? I also have to face all people, the ones I hate and the one I love in life.

Many times I came back from school and brushed into tears because I could not realize myself in what position I am doing in the group and I do understand how others perceive me. I have never been an irresponsible for the group work before but now and here I just felt like frozen. In life how can I force myself do the job that I don’t like, don’t find any motivation to work from the very beginning, feeling intangible discrimination hanging around?

I could have said these words early but then I think this is just my monkey and I have to solve it. By saying these words, what is the use of this? Sometimes I don’t want to believe in my eyes but it does happen again and again.

In the mornings I got up and different from the last energetic semesters, I felt tired, bored, depressed when thinking about this project. I do hate the school these days and want to stop it. Think of the broken relationship with friends and feel like crying.

I feel seem to be ok at some moments but these depressing feelings always returned to me then and torture me.

Someone says these words and I think it’s right now for me: what’s the use of getting 15 EC while I am not deserved to have it? I even don’t have the ability to make a strategic plan.

During the last weeks for the project, I don’t think it’s MY project at all. Sometimes I felt it but most of the times not. I was not there in the discussion table. I was not there in the emergency time for the project. I was not an added value to the group itself. I was not even feeling good in the group. And also I was not involved as the others were. And to me I will never take the credits by taking the others’ work and contribution. That’s what I am felling now. That’s sinful and shaming!

Last Friday I got up after a sleepless night and feeling blank. I went to school and coming back home due to the stomach-ache. At that time I actually did not want to continue this any more. Why do I have to struggle to do things that I don’t really want?

Someone said it’s just a game and just stay to enjoy the game. But I realize it’s happening as it does in my real life. It really hurts me a lot. And I do think of this decision as part of my life because it deals most to my ethics and cultures.

I love Sharon’s words and thanks for calling left members back. As for me, I have my own choice and I think it’s very ethical for me at this right moment.

Thanks all for sharing that you and I had during the project and I wish you all good luck and success.