Brett's Query for now.

[Brett Kraus]

For those on the ethical fence, this is an issue that crosses the
border a little, so I want to know your opinion.

Imagine that you are married in your second marriage, your first
marriage ended in divorce. Your first marriage provided you with a
child. Your ex-spouse has an outstanding warrant (assume the ex did
something that would never cause harm to the child unless the child
found out about it - i.e. shoplifting/identity theft). You know where
the ex is, but would not normally tell the police that location.
However, you know that if the ex goes to jail, you get custody of the
child while the ex is in jail, and possibly beyond. Also, telling the
police where the ex is would require the parent to be arrested in
front of the child. What would you do?

[Scott]

Hi Brett. Good question, but I can only give a point in time
response. Not for sure if you have kids or if so how old they
are. It would be nice if every child was perfect, but I suggest the
average kid yanks the parent's chain a few times a year if not
daily. I used to wonder why friends prior to children tend to part
once kids arrive and start to mature. There are a few things that
aggravate me. High on the list are parents with children several
years younger than mine stating how their kid will never do this or
never do that in comparison to mine. Every instance of child
rearing is different and you just don't know how it will turn out
until you live it.

I state the above example in point to your query. You just don't
know how you would react to this circumstance until you live it.
There are so many possibilities to the equation you're unlikely to
find consensus among two individuals with somewhat similar
circumstances.

My moment in time response based on no similarity to this situation is
during the wedding ceremony you give a solemn promise to love, honor,
and cherish. Whether it is stated in the vows or not, respect is of
the utmost importance. Divorce happens, I won't condone it.
Though the vows of love and cherish may be broken, honor and respect
are still promises there to be kept. So my binary answer is that I
would not voluntarily provide information to the police about an ex-
wife. Being the children are not being harmed, I would find it
difficult explaining how I ratted out the mother of my children to my
children as they got older.

[Brett Kraus]

So devil's advocate, the obligation to love and cherish, assume that
the offense was against you. You are directly being harmed by it, say
by harrassment, assault, theft, or otherwise. The kids are still
safe, but you or your property are somewhat in danger. Does that
change your outlook or does the same rule apply that you have an
obligation to love those that despitefully use you and does that mean
not turning the significant other in?

As to kids, I am learning that all kids are different - just with my
job...one little kid I talked to was the perfect angel while his
parents where getting divorced, and in talking to his therapist, I
found out that the kid blamed his parent's divorce on his own bad
behavior and so was trying to be perfect so his parents would get back
together (surprisingly not too uncommon a reaction). Other kids the
same age rebel and develop severe hatred for one or both of their
parents and others do not seem to be that impacted by the situation.
Still, what the kids do and what they should do are separate things.
That it is difficult to do what you should do, does not change that it
should be done. As a parent, I know my kid is not perfect, nor is my
parenting. Still, I think there is a right answer - even if I do not
know what that is right now. So my question is whether your response
indicates what you think someone should do, or just what you yourself
would do -- Understand that I admit readily that there are things I
should do that I have no intention of doing (giving blood for
example). So, ignoring the need to explain yourself to your child -
the harm that comes to you, should you rat her out?

> > front of the child.  What would you do?- Hide quoted text -
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