Hello, & now a juicy question!
DeAnna
this group vs. the yahoo group, but for some reason I feel more
compelled to write here. I know and adore Carolena from the 2
workshops she and Shakti and James did in Miami, and hope to have Mead
and her here sometime too!
For now my life has become extremely busy and I (and my partner) have
added to that a polyamorous/tantra pursuit... I say pursuit but it
feels more like it has pursued me. Coming to terms with what we are
really doing and looking for has been difficult as this is new for me/
us, as what I think i want is a more meaningful emotional sexual
experience and wondered if what i have really achieved is a simple
'open sexual relationship' with people i call friends. I have had a
friendship that I took to a sexual level where I introduced tantric
sex (as tantra philosophy/yoga was a common thread between us) and
that was great until I noticed his sense of attachment that felt
suffocating and I have felt compelled to remove the sexual component
of our relationship. We are still working through some personal issues
together but I am having a hard time wanting to be intimate with him
as I feel he has 'fallen in love' with me in his loneliness...
deciphering between love and emotional attachment has been too
consuming for me to want to deal with. This wasn't my idea of
polyamory... or is it a version of it?
I'm just struggling with when it is drama and when it is 2 people
dealing with their own issues together and growing from them. I get
'regret' and tragic 'why talk of sex when you have turned away from
me?' comments that turn me off...
On another note I experienced something with a new lover that I would
love some comment on... just to call it something. I was being
clitorallly stimulated and breathing into each wave as it came on when
I started noticing what was happening... I was not making any effort
to control my vocalizing, which got real gutteral as I felt energy run
from my pelvis down to and out my toes, then for it to start again at
my pelvis and run up and out my head, and the vocalizations , of
course, turned real high. What would you call this experience, beyond
extremely HOT? My lover loved hearing about it as I asked him to pause
for a second as I let all this feeling settle and i just sat with
it... he was so responsive, keeping a thumb on my clit to stay in
touch with me and keep me at this 'pause' and not just release his
touch.
This lover also has turned me back on to the idea of polyamory again
since he has demonstrated a certain level of detachment from emotions
overcoming him as well as helped me through my own emotions so I can
allow my love to flow without fear of him leaching onto it... it's
something like 'emotional detachment/commitment to love' ... a yogic
concept i have been working with called vairagya.
just random thoughts, experiences... any comment would be welcome...
but please keep it above the line. I am new to polyamory and have made
several mistakes that have kept me swaying on the emotional pendulum
in search of balance as I learn to express my feelings, experience
emotions and offer love and healing to the world, and most
importantly, to myself. I have never felt so much in love with ME as I
am feeling in this time of my life! Sharing that with others has been
a whole life workshop in itself.
With love,
DeAnna
Mead (Daka) Rose
things more simply. Labels can be confusing especially when people
misuse them.
My personal experience is that I gravitate towards yum...and I
gravitate most towards the yummiest. It is a pull. In any room of
people, I go towards the person I feel the most yum around.
Then there is oxytocin addiction. I am starting to get wise to that
one. I feel that around the person or persons I am engaging in sex
with. Then, when I separate myself from them, I feel a different sort
of pull to get back together, but that feeling lets go after several
days.
I suppose both of these could be categorized as attachment. By the
same token, others are attached to their autonomy. I have found that I
feel the most free when I have more than one involvement and one
relationship constitutes "emotional ballast" for the other and vice
versa. An interesting point of inquiry: If you are only seeing one
person, and they are seeing several, who is attached? The one who
spends a lot of time alone, or the one who spends only a little time
alone? Just something to look at. There is evidence on both sides.
This all gets intertwined with other stuff that I call the "business"
of relationship. Does a person return phone calls? Do they keep
appointments on time? Or is it a situation where there is no business;
an eternal courtship? Many of us enjoy the validation of being pursued
even as we run from the pursuer.
Sometimes I think polyamory is just a new term used to describe in new
terms what we did in the old days. We do what we want. Now we have a
term to justify it. Sort of a way to speak that runs counter to the
cultural assumptions of monogamous pairing. But basically we are just
doing what we want to.
I remember having 3 girlfriends that called each other up to see who
got me for the night. I didn't call it polyamory. I was completely
responsible, though. What I did notice however is that the currents
shifted. I think that is the ultimate lesson. Relationships change.
Some of us attempt to impose structures. Some are even successful at
imposing structures. Others avoid structures and are most at home in
the flow. I like to think of polyamorous relationships like schools of
fish. We swim in parallel, sometimes nearer, sometimes farther.
hkornylak@gmail
You describe so well the range of what we find in our explorations. Your
experience of the attachment is a common thing, and is the reason that many
consider this path to be to dangerous. The deeper we can go, the more delicious
it all becomes and the easier it is to fall into attachment, and the more
powerful we become as we learn to be in it and NOT fall into the attachment!
I'm glad you had the awareness to deal with it - not to get sucked in, and to
take care of yourself, and continue your explorations! Sounds like they have
been well rewarded in your other relationship.
Love Harold
_________________________________________________
Harold Kornylak, DO
Osteopathic Medicine, Psychotherapy, Intimacy Enhancement
(757) 491-3294 http://tantra-vab.com/
=================================================
DeAnna
think about.
Gravitating toward Yum... that makes sense to me now.
This lover I spoke of (who helped me experience the incredible energy
running through my body) just found a new love that he's been feeding,
near him (I am long distance) and hasn't paid any attention to me
since I left and the week of communications afterward! But I think if
we were to ever be in a situation together we would probably pick up
where we left off, and if not, it was yummy while it lasted and it was
loving, nurturing and sweet. It's the freedom of experiencing yum when
it's yummy and walking away and being ok with it. But not everybody is
at that place. This is different from the other situation i was in...
the yum turned yuck... the whole business of relationships... that's
interesting... my primary is going through some of that analysis with
a woman he's gotten involved with... the primary girlfriend of the
lover i mentioned above (it's all so complicated!! hahaha) ... what do
they want out of what they've started? They;re facing an issue that
has him analyzing how much more he wants to be involved... the
'business' has them facing deeper and deeper issues... this takes
time... how much does he want to be a part of all of that... how much
yuck does he want to deal with til it turns yum again... i think is
the basic question. Again... just more thoughts.
Regarding that clitoral experience... those of you who work with
energy... is there a term for that? i know i am searching for a label
here, but it was so interesting for me... i don;t think it was
kundalini rising, because it went down through my legs as well... or
maybe it was. There was a whole other level of experience there that
taught me to slow down and just be with what i had going on, enjoy it
and let it settle... something i am trying to deal with in my daily
life.
Is there another name for the clitoris? a more sacred name? I am so in
awe of Her, I'll have to create another term!
In love and light and trust,
DeAnna
DeAnna
So the attachment issue is an on-going one... like every other
attachment issue in our lives. I just need to be very careful about
who I decide to get intimate with. Noticing the 'signs' is the
difficult part... experience is the teacher here i guess. Sometimes it
feels like it's not worth the trouble, and time!... why loving oneself
is so incredibly important here. When you have an intimate
relationship with your own Divine Self everybody else is just yummy
icing on the cake, which doesn't necessarily need icing to begin
with... or more parallel-swimming fish in the sea, that deep deep sea
of love. Maintaining Yum as I swim deeper is the challenge... my on-
going yogic journey continues to infiltrate every area of my life!
Thank you beautiful Men for your words of wisdom! Maybe this is what
the myth of Matsyendra, lord of the fish, is all about.
Love,
DeAnna