Introduction
jagnese
vagabond. Each year I spend time in California, Oregon, Italy, Costa
Rica and travel a lot. Having been recently divorced I want to become
intimate again but won't be monogamous because I cannot commit to a
particular space over time, and I also love being a vagabond. I would
love a place/space where I could drop in and out of where I could
bring, and in turn receive, new energy and ideas. My educational
background includes degrees in Anthropology, Geography, Environmental
Studies and Planning. I continue my educational process now in a less
formal manner. I have worked as an archaeologist, urban and
recreational planner, in public relations, in real estate and am
currently an entrepreneur. I am starting a new venture providing
wireless internet service in Costa Rica. When that is successful I
intend to retire again. I am currently trying to explore shamanism,
Tantra, art, Reiki and want to know more about the poly lifestyle. I
would like to affiliate with someone and learn to grow, participate
and create.
Ultimately I would like to meet some like minded person, or group to
join, in some form of semi-committed intimacy. I don't know if what I
am looking for already exists as I imagine or if I need to think about
creating it for myself and a few select others. I want to be
associated with sensuous, energetic people with whom I can interact
and express myself in order to create beneficial energies and a trust
that goes beyond physical limits. I get the opportunity for lots of
sex but what I need and want to find is the ecstasy of intimacy in a
much more spiritual manner. I hope this group is the place to start
fulfilling some of my needs and my fantasies as well. I would welcome
comments and suggestions.
Pura Vida,
Joe
Mead (Daka) Rose
that it is a really good idea to become ultra-precise about which
flavor.
I say this because I snagged on the phrase "semi-committed." To me
there are many possible polyamorous flavors within that phrase, and
just as many ways that people may come to misunderstandings and
disappointments.
Here are a few of the many possibilities I can hear within "semi-
committed":
* Non-monogamous fully committed relationship
* Booty call
* Closed network of several direct contact partners
* One exclusive penis-vagina sex partner and everyone else is oral or
hand play
* Kid-in-a-candy store irresponsible rake or slut
* Geographically diverse mutually committed tantric tribe
My sensibilities are that to achieve the upper levels of tantric
erotic bliss, commitment is necessary. But even that word is over-used
without attention to what it could mean. A few possibilities of what
"Committed Relationship" could mean...
* Mutually exclusive lifetime monogamy
* Polyamorous with veto power over outside liaisons
* The person who you go to sex parties with
* A polyamorous relationship in which certain days or times are
devoted to one's primary partner
* The married couple whom invites other lovers into their bed
* A group of men and women live together and make love as a group or
in pairs where outsiders are not welcome
* An agreement for exclusive unprotected sex until one person calls it
quits and then you break up
Some can of worms, eh?
My personal preference is: A small network of conscious, loving,
responsible people who all know one another and share love, sex and
energy within their network while being fully cognizant, honoring and
respectful of existing relationships such that no person feels shut
out or neglected, while retaining the capacity to have a variety of
partners within the network.
This practice cuts down dramatically on the complications of STDs and
the other complications of emotional shortchanging.
What's YOUR preference? Have you given it much thought? Have you
experimented to see what works?
jagnese
Yes you have precisely described my problem. Given the parameters of
your definitions I can see that I do need to be more precise. My days
as a slut are over. But I can be selectively promiscuous. I value my
energy now and want to learn to create energy in positive
relationships not waste it. I am interested in reacquiring intimacy
in my life. I have not experimented yet with poly and do not know if
it will work for me. I would then have to say that what I am looking
for is a committed relationship that is monogamous optional. This is
a terminal objective and I imagine that I would have to go through
other stages to attain my goal. I am not very jealous or possessive
and I I tend to commit myself to relationships prematurely. In view of
this any reasonable method of cohabitation would be acceptable to me.
I think I am looking for someone who would be able to mentor me in my
tantric endeavors and possibly attend seminars with me as a couple.
If I meet someone and a chemistry develops I would want to take the
relationship to higher levels of commitment and see what system would
fit the potential relationship. This is an experiment at this point
so I do not have the ability to fully anticipate the possible courses
of events that might take place, how I will react to them, and where
they will lead.
I can see where "semi-committed" might raise a flag and hadn't
considered that. The reason for that label is my lifestyle that does
not allow me to spend more than two months at a time in any one
location. I think it very arrogant to ask for a commitment from
someone and then ask them to wait for me to return. I might have said
fully-committed over a short timeframe. Or a special relationship
that can be ongoing with periods of absence.
I appreciate the time you took to respond to my introduction and I
value your appraisal and instructive reply. I can see that this may
be a little more complicated than I first thought.... But it should
be a wonderful experience trying to work everything out. I frequent
the Bay Area and maybe we can chat and perhaps meet the next time I am
there.
Pura vida,
Joe