Bowen family system theory
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jnmorrow
Jan 27, 2008, 4:17:38 AM1/27/08
to Hope for Tomorrow
I have always been fascinated by patterns I see emerge in families ( I
have recently started to call this programming ) and how things can
get passed down from generation to generation.
Sometimes it seems to me that we have less free will than we think.
*People will find themselves in their adult lives in marriages/
relationships very similar to their parents, even if this is not
something they had wanted, and never thought they would accept.
*The relationships with your own children are greatly effected by the
relationships you had with your parents as a child.
* Children who witness domestic violence often repeat the cycle in
their adult relationships. Sons who saw their fathers being abusive to
their mothers will later abuse their wives. Daughters who saw the
same abuse will seem to gravitate somehow to abusive men.
*When moments in your present will trigger a moment in your past when
you were hurt or humiliated or rejected, and it will intensify the
present moment and cause you to overreact. But this can happen often
completely without your conscious awareness.
*You get in the same type of fights over and over again with family
members, even though you thought you had made a firm resolve to stop
doing that.
It likes we are given software/programming in our childhood (sometimes
old and outdated from earlier parenting models) and it is runs in the
background of our minds effected our presented and our future and our
children's future.
Even when you are acting against the bad or dysfunctional programming,
you can still cause more bad legacies to pass down.
So how to arise above it? I liked Murray Bowen's concept of
Differentiation of Self in his family system theory (or Bowen theory),
which I find very interesting.
I am providing a Wikipedia link where you can read more, and I plan on
reading again and commenting some more.
http://www.wpfc.net/bowen/
What I liked initial, in my first impression, about the
Differentiation of Self was that I have long felt that in some
families it is so difficult to not immersed in the conflicts, marital
problems, and family programming, that this idea seemed to offer a
viewpoint to help individuals break free of bad family immersion. He
has other components to his family system theory that I also find very
interesting.
have recently started to call this programming ) and how things can
get passed down from generation to generation.
Sometimes it seems to me that we have less free will than we think.
*People will find themselves in their adult lives in marriages/
relationships very similar to their parents, even if this is not
something they had wanted, and never thought they would accept.
*The relationships with your own children are greatly effected by the
relationships you had with your parents as a child.
* Children who witness domestic violence often repeat the cycle in
their adult relationships. Sons who saw their fathers being abusive to
their mothers will later abuse their wives. Daughters who saw the
same abuse will seem to gravitate somehow to abusive men.
*When moments in your present will trigger a moment in your past when
you were hurt or humiliated or rejected, and it will intensify the
present moment and cause you to overreact. But this can happen often
completely without your conscious awareness.
*You get in the same type of fights over and over again with family
members, even though you thought you had made a firm resolve to stop
doing that.
It likes we are given software/programming in our childhood (sometimes
old and outdated from earlier parenting models) and it is runs in the
background of our minds effected our presented and our future and our
children's future.
Even when you are acting against the bad or dysfunctional programming,
you can still cause more bad legacies to pass down.
So how to arise above it? I liked Murray Bowen's concept of
Differentiation of Self in his family system theory (or Bowen theory),
which I find very interesting.
I am providing a Wikipedia link where you can read more, and I plan on
reading again and commenting some more.
http://www.wpfc.net/bowen/
What I liked initial, in my first impression, about the
Differentiation of Self was that I have long felt that in some
families it is so difficult to not immersed in the conflicts, marital
problems, and family programming, that this idea seemed to offer a
viewpoint to help individuals break free of bad family immersion. He
has other components to his family system theory that I also find very
interesting.
jnmorrow
Jan 27, 2008, 5:18:39 AM1/27/08
to Hope for Tomorrow
Sorry for some of the typos in my previous post. I will try to
proofread better next time.
proofread better next time.
jnmorrow
Feb 2, 2008, 12:32:57 PM2/2/08
to Hope for Tomorrow
I think the basic premise of self differentiation is something I
struggled with me whole life. Bowen believed that individuals who had
a stronger sense of who they were, could keep themselves separated
from becoming immersed in the needs and conflicts AND emotions of a
family. You know, in a sense THEIR problems do not have to be yours,
that they're unhappy or dissatisfied or just down right mean, does not
mean you have to get sucked into all that.
The funny thing is I thought I had a good sense of self, but looking
back and looking at myself more objectively, it would seem that maybe
I do did not and do not.
I ABSORB other people's emotions and I so easily get trapped inside
other people's issues.
Growing up, I felt my mother's sadness, dissatisfaction, resent,
anger, like it was my own.
Their marital problems could have just as well been my own. I could
not separate from all the chaos. But can children ever really do this?
Maybe some are better at this than others, and that's Bowen idea that
those children who are more independent in their thinking and feeling,
do better, with less problems later.
Right now, I am practicing this self differentiation, or at least
trying to, cause I can tell that my "significant other" is not in a
completely good mood. I feel like he is looking for some type of
distention, conflict, whatever, and it is so easy to fall into that
trap. But I am going to think of Bowen and not let him bring me down
today. Hopefully!
struggled with me whole life. Bowen believed that individuals who had
a stronger sense of who they were, could keep themselves separated
from becoming immersed in the needs and conflicts AND emotions of a
family. You know, in a sense THEIR problems do not have to be yours,
that they're unhappy or dissatisfied or just down right mean, does not
mean you have to get sucked into all that.
The funny thing is I thought I had a good sense of self, but looking
back and looking at myself more objectively, it would seem that maybe
I do did not and do not.
I ABSORB other people's emotions and I so easily get trapped inside
other people's issues.
Growing up, I felt my mother's sadness, dissatisfaction, resent,
anger, like it was my own.
Their marital problems could have just as well been my own. I could
not separate from all the chaos. But can children ever really do this?
Maybe some are better at this than others, and that's Bowen idea that
those children who are more independent in their thinking and feeling,
do better, with less problems later.
Right now, I am practicing this self differentiation, or at least
trying to, cause I can tell that my "significant other" is not in a
completely good mood. I feel like he is looking for some type of
distention, conflict, whatever, and it is so easy to fall into that
trap. But I am going to think of Bowen and not let him bring me down
today. Hopefully!
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