souryoku wo kesshuu shite

[Matt Stanton]

Hi all.

I'm translating some new-FY pledges by executives of a giant corporate
group, and they keep coming out with the expression 総力を結集して. For
example:

XYZグループの総力を結集し販売目標を達成する

I've been translating for this company for years and they never used
this expression before, so it's obviously one of this year's in-house
slogans.

I know what it means, and have come up with several ideas, but they
all seem to make the writer sound like Chairman Mao or Lenin or
something:

"harness the collective strength of the XYZ Group"
"combine the power of the XYZ Group"

etc.

I could really use some fresh input.

Matt

[TimL...@aol.com]

Maybe he wants to sound like Chairman Mao or Lenin or something?

[Takayuki Nanto (南都隆幸)]

TimLee...@aol.com wrote:
> Maybe he wants to sound like Chairman Mao or Lenin or something?

=========

いえ、そうとは限らないと思います。確かにわざと毛沢東とかレーニンみたいな言い方をしている場合もあるかもしれませんが、普通の日本人の経営者が

　　　(1) 全社一丸（ぜんしゃいちがん）となって
　　　(2) 総力を結集し

などというときは、「みんなで力を合わせよう」と言うようなことを強調して言いたいだけのことであって、従業員もさほど傲慢な言い回しだとは思わない
で、すらっと聞き流すのではないかと思います。

「総力を結集し」などという言葉は、あまりにも普通に日本人の経営者が使う言葉なので、それをとやかく気に留める人なんて日本人にはいないのではないか
という気がします。

さて、そういうふうな「みんなで力を合わせて」という程度の軽い意味なんだけども、少しかっこいい言葉で言い表したこのような言い回しを、どのように英
語で言えば一番よいのでしょうね。

南都隆幸
Takayuki Nanto

[Marc Adler]

On Sat, Apr 12, 2008 at 7:07 AM, <TimL...@aol.com> wrote:

 

Maybe he wants to sound like Chairman Mao or Lenin or something?

 
Good point!

--
Marc Adler
Austin, TX

لا شيء إلا الضوء

[Dale Ponte]

Matt Stanton writes:

> XYZグループの総力を結集し販売目標を達成する

This may sound a bit funny, but as long we're just conjuring ideas....

"Rounding up all of XYZ Group’s resources to achieve…"

~
Dale@turning collectivists into cowboys

[Tom Donahue]

Matt Stanton writes:

> XYZグループの総力を結集し販売目標を達成する

More than Chairman Mao, I tend to associate this with a
general marshaling the troops, with his 軍配 poised...
http://image.rakuten.co.jp/4d/cabinet/ia/f-takeda01.jpg

Come to think of it, "marshaling our resources" might be
an idea.

II think I agree with the other posters that thread, that
"natural sounding English" may not be the best here.
Maybe your want a little jolt in there to remind people that
this isn't an American executive talking.

--
Tom Donahue

[Matt Stanton]

> More than Chairman Mao, I tend to associate this with a

> general marshaling the troops, with his 軍配 poised...http://image.rakuten.co.jp/4d/cabinet/ia/f-takeda01.jpg

>
> Come to think of it, "marshaling our resources" might be
> an idea.
>
> II think I agree with the other posters that thread, that
> "natural sounding English" may not be the best here.
> Maybe your want a little jolt in there to remind people that
> this isn't an American executive talking.
>
> --
> Tom Donahue

Yes, you're often faced with things that no matter how hard you seem
to try, you just can't seem to put into natural-sounding English. And
then you wonder whether this is because (1) an NES would never
actually say that or (2) you're having a mental block or you're just
not a good enough translator.

It's a tricky situation to deal with because if you assume (2) when
it's actually (1), you risk putting out a crappy translation, and if
you assume (1) when it's actually (2), you risk wasting time looking
for that non-existent natural expression.

Matt Stanton

[Dale Ponte]

Matt Stanton writes:

>XYZグループの総力を結集し販売目標を達成する

In a spirit of meandering towards the happy solution that’s out there
somewhere, some mix-n-matchable ideas in several directions:

結集し: 'integrate' is such a seasonable, sloganly concept/mindset these
days...

‘focusing’ … ‘coordinating’ … ‘bring together’

‘…devote the full scope of XYZ Group’s resources/endowments to
achieving…’

‘…bring XYZ Group’s (generous/comprehensive) resources/endowments to
bear upon achieving…’

‘…XYZ Group’s collective capacity…’; ‘the whole of XYZ Group’s
endowments/resources (even *energies*?)...’

‘...bringing XYZ Group’s generous/collective/comprehensive resources/
endowments into focus to achieve…’; ‘…to the focus of achieving…’

‘…generous/full/integrated/whole…range/compass of XYZ Group’s…’

‘…to focus on achieving sales objectives…’

‘…bringing XYZ Group’s shared/combined resources to achieving…

'...apply XYZ Group's collective/comprehensive resources/endowments to
achieving...'

'...gather XYZ Group's collective resources to the task of
achieving...'


I resonate with Nanto’san’s suggestion of 程度の軽い意味…少しかっこいい言葉, not to
mention Matt’s sense of a newly adopted “in-house slogan.” But
“marshalling” gives me a touch o’ the willies.

草々、

Dale

[Matt Stanton]

Dale,

I have to take my hat off to you. As always, you show that your
mastery of English expression really is second to one. There are some
fantastic ideas there. Thanks a lot.

Matt

On Apr 13, 9:40 am, Dale Ponte <dpo...@cybermesa.com> wrote:
> Matt Stanton writes:
> >XYZグループの総力を結集し販売目標を達成する
>
> In a spirit of meandering towards the happy solution that's out there
> somewhere, some mix-n-matchable ideas in several directions:
>
> 結集し: 'integrate' is such a seasonable, sloganly concept/mindset these
> days...
>

> 'focusing' ... 'coordinating' ... 'bring together'
>
> '...devote the full scope of XYZ Group's resources/endowments to
> achieving...'
>
> '...bring XYZ Group's (generous/comprehensive) resources/endowments to
> bear upon achieving...'
>
> '...XYZ Group's collective capacity...'; 'the whole of XYZ Group's

> endowments/resources (even *energies*?)...'
>
> '...bringing XYZ Group's generous/collective/comprehensive resources/

> endowments into focus to achieve...'; '...to the focus of achieving...'
>
> '...generous/full/integrated/whole...range/compass of XYZ Group's...'
>
> '...to focus on achieving sales objectives...'
>
> '...bringing XYZ Group's shared/combined resources to achieving...

>
> '...apply XYZ Group's collective/comprehensive resources/endowments to
> achieving...'
>
> '...gather XYZ Group's collective resources to the task of
> achieving...'
>

> I resonate with Nanto'san's suggestion of 程度の軽い意味...少しかっこいい言葉, not to

[Shuichi Yamakawa]

Hi everyone on this
XYZグループの総力を結集し販売目標を達成する thread.

While I am really impressed with Dale's and other NESs'
command of English, I agree with Nanto-san when he says
that the expresion has 軽い意味 in business Japanese.

Would this sound strange to NESs?
"We at XYZ group will go all-out to achieve the sales target."
Forget this if anyone else has already suggested it.

Just my non-NES two Yen.

Shu

[Alan Siegrist]

Shuichi Yamakawa writes:

> XYZグループの総力を結集し販売目標を達成する thread.
>
> While I am really impressed with Dale's and other NESs'
> command of English, I agree with Nanto-san when he says
> that the expresion has 軽い意味 in business Japanese.
>
> Would this sound strange to NESs?
> "We at XYZ group will go all-out to achieve the sales target."

That sounds good to me.

I'm sure there are lots of good ways to say this.

Regards,

Alan Siegrist
Orinda, CA, USA

[Tom Donahue]

Shuichi Yamakawa writes:

> Would this sound strange to NESs?
> "We at XYZ group will go all-out to achieve the sales target."
> Forget this if anyone else has already suggested it.

Nothing wrong with it, just that it seems a little flat. It doesn't
have the 少しかっこいい言葉で言い表したこのような言い回し
that Nanto-san mentioned.

Does American business English have only one register?
You say the same thing at a meeting with your staff and at
the kickoff ceremony for FY 2008?

--
Tom Donahue

[Dale Ponte]

Shu writes:

> I agree with Nanto-san when he says
> that the expresion has 軽い意味 in business Japanese.
>
> Would this sound strange to NESs?
> "We at XYZ group will go all-out to achieve the sales target."

Indeed most of my ideas either stretch or overstretch the limits of 軽い意
味. Shu's offering is smart and sounds good, quite an interesting
contrast, as well as instructive. Anyway, I was just dropping by to
drop off one last lingering (dramatic?) idea for 結集し: 'channel'.

G'night

D

[Mika Jarmusz]

Dale wrote:
drop off one last lingering (dramatic?) idea for 結集し: 'channel'.

I like that, too.  I was thinking of plain "resources" for 総力 and "bring together" suggested earlier by Dale for 結集し.


--
Mika Jarmusz 清水美香
English to Japanese Translator
Salem, Oregon

[Dale Ponte]

(last and final)

For the 力 of 総力, 'strengths'.

~
D