'For the Children' Thoughts on how to pass on Hindu ideas from one generation to another

[urmila]

FOR THE CHILDREN
JUL 28, 2010 | FILED UNDER ARTICLES, MODERN MYTHMAKING, PRESS.

Published in blog “Heartcrossings”on January 2010

A lot has been written by children of FOB parents about their coming
of age in the west while being brown and sometimes Hindu.
Unfortunately, I have found little if any practical use for it. Much
of this genre of writing is about the consequences of omissions,
mistakes, short-sightedness and such on the part of the FOB parent.
While it is great to know what not to do for and to our children born
in the west, what we really need is help to get it right.
For me, that help came in the way of a website I ran into some time
ago. It belongs to Dr. Devdutt Pattanaik who among other things is
Chief Belief Officer for the Future Group. Browsing through the
articles on his website, I found the thought process and style of
writing that would resonate with any young person who is curious about
Hinduism irrespective of where they are born or raised. For a parent,
there is a lot to learn too – understanding the underpinnings of Hindu
mythology and more importantly how to introduce children to it.
Dr. Pattanaik was kind enough to answer some questions that I believe
are relevant to parents like myself.

1. What is the best way to introduce Hinduism to young children who
are an ethnic and religious minority in the country where they are
born and being raised?

I think the children must be told that different people look at the
world differently. This is the most critical thought that a child must
be given. A cat looks at water differently from a fish. A horse looks
at grass differently from a lion. So differently people see the world
differently.
Once this idea is established children must then be told that every
person thinks their view is the only and correct view. But it is not
so. We must allow others to have their views. That is love. And others
must allow us to have our views. That is love too. Without this
foundation, it will be difficult to help children deal with the
pressures of being a minority.

2. What are some of the things a parent can do to get their child
curious about their religion and culture without actually forcing them
into learn about it ?

By making the rituals fun. Rituals are about doing things. Rituals are
choreographed to connect with us symbolically. Making rangoli can be
fun. Cooking prasad can be fun. Doing puja – bathing the image,
dressing it up, feeding it, singing songs to it – can be fun. The
child will notice that the fun is associated with a deep reverence.
Then he will question. Often this the point where parents turn rituals
into ‘holy cows’ and lose the opportunity to help their children gain
an understanding of their cultural world.
Parents, most often because of their own lack of knowledge, turn the
sacred into scary. The child will sense whether the parent truly
respects the rituals and finds them empowering or if he doing it
merely to reinforce his threatened identity. Often no one knows the
reason why a ritual is performed and that is ok. Parents have to admit
that they don’t know the reason and they are doing what their parents
did and following tradition. Its ok not to know. And it is not
necessary to understand everything in the world. Sometimes
understanding comes over time. I notice many people have this urgency
to know the meaning of rituals immediately. The search for meaning is
either frustrating or leads to some rather bizarre conclusions.

3.When it comes to Hindu mythology, there are either over-simplified
books (geared towards kids) and there are the scholarly tomes. Neither
is a good fit for a curious young person who needs something in
between they can read independently. What kind of books would you
recommend for them ?

My books! I became a writer because I saw this gap. Often the answers
are not what the parents expect. The problem is that authors are
burdened by wanting to make Hinduism look nice. The measuring scale is
that of other religions. As a result writing becomes apologetic and
defensive. People are trying but often I find writers have a poor
understanding of the subject and so are unable to appreciate the
complexities and so end up with awkward prose.
Try explaining the idea of Krishna surrounded by hundreds of milkmaids
doing Raas Lila to a child. Are those girls, Krishna’s friends? So is
it ok for a boy to have many girlfriends? Are those girls his wives?
So is it polygamy? Rather than answer such blunt uncomfortable
questions, some writers escape into metaphysics – using words like
Paramatma and Jivatma which, unless you are a believer, sounds like
gobbledygook. At one level they are true, but like all symbols, there
is no one answer. There are layers of answers. Many answers one finds
are usually not what parents expect or find appropriate, because these
stories are catering not just to children but adults.
To simplify them without being simplistic (and sometimes stupid)
requires a lot of effort. The story is trying to show the idea of love
that is unfettered by law and custom; thus the milkmaids are in no way
related to Krishna. Now this idea can be quite scary to a parent. One
has to go in stages. Simplistic answer initially then more complex
ones. There is no one standard answer. There are many answers, each
one suiting one’s age, one’s temperament, one’s emotional and
intellectual maturity. This is Hindu pluralism.

4. Do you think children actually benefit from hearing or reading a
watered-down versions of Ramayan and Mahabharat where the complexity
of the characters and their motivations is all but lost ?

As people mature, stories evolve. The story told to a three year old
is different from that which is told to a thirteen year old. We must
keep telling children there is more. Provoke them to be curious.
Include them in conversations about the characters. Say the mother and
father discuss how Karna was killed. The child can overhear the
various arguments. There is no right answer so one must allow the
arguments to stand strongly without tilting one way or another. The
child by overhearing this, again and again, will be able to appreciate
the complexity of life – as Hinduism seeks to portray.

5. What would enable a child make the connections between religion,
mythology and day to day life in the modern world ?

I think by making religion and mythology part of day to day life. So
lets say we are discussing the war in Afghanistan. This can be
associated easily with the Ramayana. Just as Ravan had no right to
kidnap another man’s wife, the terrorists had no right to destroy the
World Trade Centre. Of course, as the child grows up, the arguments
can get more sophisticated. Why do we assume that the Americans are
Ram? Maybe the terrorists see themselves as Ram, maybe the attack was
the burning of Lanka. This will lead to discussions and debates. In
these discussions and debates, pros and cons, the Argumentative Indian
is born – one who is able to see things from multiple points of view
before taking a decision.

6. How can learning about Hindu mythology the right way enable a young
person to develop a deeper appreciation for the universality of the
main concerns in all religions?

Yes and no. All religions have common features. But they also have
uncommon features. Many people overlook the latter and this leads to
conflict. For example, Hindus do not have the notion of Original Sin
or Prophet. But like all religions, Hinduism is deeply concerned about
what is appropriate social conduct (dharma) and happiness.
7. Do you have any recommendations for daily reading that may help a
young person to navigate with greater confidence through their life –
specially when the world outside is very dissimilar to the world
inside their homes ?
Step 1 – Read the Amar Chitra Katha. Step 2 – Discuss the stories and
don’t let the comic be the end. Discussion is the key. Stories are to
be told, not read. Step 3 – don’t reach a conclusion, don’t justify,
don’t apologize, don’t defend …..just try and understand why the story
was told by our ancestors.

8. Finally, if a parent’s goal is to enable their Hindu child to be
an open-minded, well-adjusted global citizen who is deeply aware of
their own religion but is able and willing to embrace learning from
others as well, what must such a parent not do ?

Have confidence in Hinduism. This means that one does not have to put
down other religions just to feel true to one’s own religion.
Personally, I find the ‘cult of outrage’ that is spreading like an
epidemic a problem. Everyone gets outraged when they feel their
religion is being mocked or threatened. Instead of outrage, we need
more understanding, love, inclusion and forgiveness. We must remind
ourselves that while Ram kills Ravan, for a crime, he also
acknowledges Ravan as a great scholar and teacher. Thus a holistic
view is taken – parts that are condemned are condemned but not the
whole.