Live-In Caregivers
demibee
mother will be placed into 24-hour care somewhere here in the city. But,
despite the weight off my shoulders, I'm finding myself to be sadder than
I ever thought I'd be. Occasionally, I can hear her... snoring,
coughing... in *her* room... in *her* bed (well, her mother's bed,
actually)... surrounded by all the things that she gathered throughout her
life. And she has no idea that this will all be taken away from her very
soon. It's a little hard to take.
My mind went to live-in caregivers. I checked the rates out online.
They're not astronomical, probably because room and bed would be provided.
But the rates show as "per 48-hour week." How does one get a live-in
caregiver who'll work 24/7?? I mean, *they* have to have free time like
anyone else. Is it possible to set something like this up?... Maybe they
can get respite through vehicles I don't have available to me... I'm not
familiar with how that all works.
This apartment is set up well for a live-in... 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, washer
& dryer included. The master bedroom, which is what they'd have (if I
left), is quite big; and it has its own full bathroom. I might even grab
a smaller apartment elsewhere in the building.
Sorry for the sob story... just looking for options. Any helpful input
would be much appreciated.
TIA,
db
Rob
> Sorry for the sob story... just looking for options. Any helpful input
> would be much appreciated.
On top of any useful advise you will no doubt receive here you might
want to look up Victorian Order of Nurses (VON) and/or Home Care Nova
Scotia (HCNS), if you haven't thought to do so already. Either of these
two could point you in the right direction or have helpful answers to
your queries.
KD
Don't feel bad for sharing your story, some of us have already gone
through this or something very similar. My Dad went into a nursing
home at age 65, has been in for about five years now. It sucks.
Before he went into nursing home care, his common law wife got some
respite care, I think it was through the Red Cross. Maybe ten hours a
week? It wasn't much, but enough so that she could go out and get her
hair cut, etc., or just have a bit of time to herself to do whatever.
They didn't pay anything for it, and it could be divided up into two
five hour sessions or five two hour sessions, whatever worked for you.
Perhaps that's something you could look into if you need a break.
If you're considering nursing home care, you should look into getting
your mom evaluated and on a waiting list NOW. The waits can be very
long. I think it's Continuing Care NS (part of the Department of
Health) that looks after it. They may also have some idea about in-
home care. In my Dad's case, he got to the point where he was
threatening to be violent to us, had wandered off on his own
(hitchiked to Truro a couple of times too), and he just could not be
at home anymore. He got to wait for awhile at the Nova Scotia Hospital
when we got to that point.
For live-in care, as Donna pointed out, you'd need more than one
person to give the primary caregiver regular time off. As I'm sure you
know, it's a rough enough job when it's your own family member, we go
further than we would if it were someone we didn't know. My mom did
this kind of thing in Boston years ago, she lived in five days a week
with an Alzheimer's patient (and got paid VERY well), but they had
someone else for weekends.
IMO, Nova Scotia is very poorly prepared for what's coming with their
aging population. If wait times for nursing homes are this bad now,
ten years from now it's going to be a whole lot worse.
Good luck db. I know that this is really difficult.
KD
demibee
> Any helpful input would be much appreciated. db
Thanks for the input. I've noted it all.
I think the decision has pretty much been made. Both CC and AP know that
she'll require 24/7 care very soon... and, in fact, they'd like to see it
now.
There's a hearing yet to come... soon. But the outcome isn't going to be
much of a surprise. I shudder when I think how Mom will react... how
she'll handle it.
If/when they do take her, I'd rather it be at the hearing than here at the
apartment. They apparently use an ambulance for these sorts of things.
And if my mother, well, "freaks out" at the revelation (as I would), I
don't want a spectacle in front of all those who've known her for so long.
And ideally, I'd like to see an alternative where she can remain here...
despite the fact that she drives a few people up the wall (I don't like
those people anyway ;)
I'll give those organizations calls tomorrow, and see what they have to
say. I'm not optimistic, but I have to give it a shot.
Thanks again,
db
lharnish
used to have two women from Newfoundland come over to take care of her
father who has Alzheimers. Apparently this is an informal network of
caregivers who come to NS in varying situations. The two that cared
for this person spared each other, one week on and one week off.
While one was coming to Halifax for a week while the other was
returned. W5 or Land & Sea did an episode on these people. It
employs Newfoundlanders in remote places without them having to leave
home. It is spread by word of mouth and there isn't an official
company. I've heard nothing but good things about this group. If
you'd like me to find you a contact to look into this, let me know.
My boss had a basement apartment that the two women used but they
didn't really live there full time based on the one week on, one week
off.
lharnish
santos
"demibee" <dem...@post.com> wrote in message
news:58g317-...@news.dal.ca...
No offense, but I think your holding on a little too hard. My father tried
to do the same with his mother, and it was a mess. The situation
deterorated, frequently being woke in the middle of night with her asking
strange questions or roaming about etc. Having a caregiver so that the
person can stay at home sounds valiant and noble but I think it's a bit
foolhardy. It might work for a little while, but a nursing home is pretty
much inevitable in the near future, you can't really fight it. As someone
else posted, it is in your best interest to start getting her name on
waiting lists etc now, as it can take quite a while to get into a good home.
Going by your previous posts I'm not quite sure how you intend to pay to
have a 24/7 caregiver in the house, I would assume that service isn't
available for free. You have to think more of the well being of your mother
instead of becoming sentimental in times like this. In my case, she got a
bed in a good nursing home, and although the first few weeks were tough
"what am i doing here, i want to go home" etc, after that passed she is
doing fine and is only a few blocks away, he visits every few days and calls
daily. You get so wrapped up in the whole "taking care of someone else"
role that your lost without it, but I'm sure you'll get over it...
santos
Al Smith
> you would need supplementary help to cover other hours. It's still
> doable. You might want to call an organization called Support
> Services Group that will help you decide if this is the best choice
> for you and your mom. They can even do case management and help you
> find staff. It's always best to have someone help you interview and
> screen staff. Community Support for Adults (a program of Community
> Services) can also be useful and they may even be able to fund some of
> the help. In Kevin's case, they will fund up to 40 hours a week of
> care.
>
> It's not a sob story. It's a very real situation that you're in. As
> someone who uses caregiver services, I have some idea of what's
> involved. I lucked out on this last one because I knew him from work
> before he retired but I've got into some very bad situations hiring
> strangers.
>
The people who work as caregivers don't always have the best
qualifications for the job. And I don't mean special training, I
mean a personality that is suited to looking after someone for
long periods of time. Those who came to care for my mother were a
mixed lot -- some better than others. None of them lasted very
long. I think there must be a high turnover in that line of work.
One thing for demibee to consider is that he should get a female
caregiver, rather than a male. Women are generally more
comfortable about getting bathed and dressed by another woman.
-Al-
demibee
> The people who work as caregivers don't always have the best
> qualifications for the job. And I don't mean special training, I mean a
> personality that is suited to looking after someone for long periods of
> time. Those who came to care for my mother were a mixed lot -- some
> better than others. None of them lasted very long. I think there must be
> a high turnover in that line of work.
I've noticed that too. Some were lazy... would do nothing more than start
the washer, and then sit down and read or something. Others would offer
to make Mom something to eat, which she'd always refuse (aside from a
coffee and toast)... and then they'd leave when they figured, My work here
is done! (They could at least stay and provide company.) Others
complained they couldn't do this or that due to health problems (bad
back... a very *huge* girl) or to limited qualifications.
Beyond that, the "regular" worker at any given time would often be
replaced "just for today" with someone else. That happened a lot! And
some didn't seem able to read my mother... She didn't like them, and so,
didn't cooperate with them, and they couldn't tell at all.
Most of these workers were quite young. I'm surprised the agencies don't
have older workers who'd be able to better relate to people my mother's
age.
I tried three different agencies and eventually just said, Screw it! I
can do better myself.
db
demibee
> Do make sure, if it's the home version, that they are aware you bus,
> otherwise they are only obliged to put her within a 150 km (or something
> like that) radius. We're all rooting for you anyway :)
That's already been covered... The place that's available now (or soon)
is in Dartmouth. But when a bed becomes available in our first choice,
she'd be moved there... and that's just up the street from here.
But I don't know where I'll end up myself after this... I might (1) try
to share this $1125/month apartment with someone I know (they can have the
other two bedrooms and a bathroom of their own, complete with washer &
dryer)... (2) move to a one-bedroom apt within this building... or (3) go
for an inexpensive apt anywhere in the city (a friend lucked out with a
$400 one)... or even (4) go for an upgrading course in some aspect of I.T.
and apply for residence, as I don't have a whole lot of stuff, other than
books.
db
demibee
> DB, Have you heard of the "Newfoundland Ladies"? My former boss, used
> to have two women from Newfoundland come over to take care of her father
> who has Alzheimers . . . I've heard nothing but good things about this
> group. If you'd like me to find you a contact to look into this, let me
> know. My boss had a basement apartment that the two women used but they
> didn't really live there full time based on the one week on, one week
> off.
That sounds like a good method. I hadn't heard of them... but I'm looking
them up :)
db
demibee
> No offense, but I think your holding on a little too hard. My father
> tried to do the same with his mother, and it was a mess. The situation
> deterorated, frequently being woke in the middle of night with her
> asking strange questions or roaming about etc.
Oh, that's been happening for months now!
I bolt the door at night. I looked at regular slide locks, and I know
she'd be able to see those and open them. So I drilled a hole through the
steel threshold moulding at the top of the door, and then into the door
itself. (Both the moulding and the door, fortunately, protrude out about
2 cm.) Then I can place a spike (painted white, so it looks like part of
the moulding) down through the moulding, into the door, and she can't see
it.
(Although, if I ever require medical attention, I'll be up sh*t creek...
I'll be in no position to remove the spike... and she won't know how ;)
> Having a caregiver so that the person can stay at home sounds valiant
> and noble but I think it's a bit foolhardy. It might work for a little
> while, but a nursing home is pretty much inevitable in the near future,
> you can't really fight it. As someone else posted, it is in your best
> interest to start getting her name on waiting lists etc now, as it can
> take quite a while to get into a good home.
That's covered, fortunately.
> Going by your previous posts I'm not quite sure how you intend to pay to
> have a 24/7 caregiver in the house, I would assume that service isn't
> available for free.
No, but from what I've read, the cost isn't that bad... I think her
various pensions might cover it. After all, living arrangements are
provided.
> You have to think more of the well being of your mother instead of
> becoming sentimental in times like this. In my case, she got a bed in a
> good nursing home, and although the first few weeks were tough "what am
> i doing here, i want to go home" etc, after that passed she is doing
> fine and is only a few blocks away, he visits every few days and calls
> daily. You get so wrapped up in the whole "taking care of someone else"
> role that your lost without it, but I'm sure you'll get over it...
LB mentioned something similar a while back... that people in her
condition sometimes liven up a bit when they're regularly around people,
when they have something to do.
OTOH, my mother is like me in one respect -- she likes her privacy, her
autonomy, even if only for a few hours. That'll be tough.
And I'll have to ask what I can bring to the home so that she does feel it
to be "her" place... I'm guessing furniture is out of the question ;)
But she has a sh*tload a pictures all over the walls of the apartment. I
could do with fewer of those... especially those sporting images of people
who've caused me grief without offering any help.
db
Peter
>
> Most of these workers were quite young. I'm surprised the agencies don't
> have older workers who'd be able to better relate to people my mother's
> age.
>
The older experienced workers probably found a better paying, lower stress
job. It's not a rewarding job, I imagine most move on.
Al Smith
> On Sat, 02 Jan 2010 19:12:14 GMT, Al Smith<inv...@address.com>
> wrote:
> field, I did have an edge in getting qualified people but even then I
> had plenty of problems. I had one person (someone with extensive
> experience in a group home setting) fall asleep and leave Kevin
> unattended. He ended up in the hall of the apartment building .....not
> fully clothed. Another one (with lots of experience working with the
> mentally challenged) left him in her can while she went shopping. It
> was BITTER cold that day. There is just no guarantee unless you go
> through an agency that has a rigorous screening process.
>
> Yes, an elderly woman would, in all likelihood, not want a male
> attendant. Most of Kevin's have been males although he didn't really
> have a problem with females who were old enough to be considered
> mother figures. It's always good to have the person needing care
> present for interviews. You can generally get a good read about how
> they would get along.
I imagine a Downs Syndrome child needs to be watched all the time.
They are active and inquisitive, and like to put things into their
mouths and swallow them. The one I happen to know, who is cared
for by a relative of mine, will eat almost anything unless
prevented. For example, he will go into the bathroom and if left
unattended, will eat the toothpaste. They need watching.
-Al-
KD
> On Sat, 2 Jan 2010 17:43:08 -0400, demibee <demi...@post.com> wrote:
>
> >And I'll have to ask what I can bring to the home so that she does feel it
> >to be "her" place... I'm guessing furniture is out of the question ;)
> >But she has a sh*tload a pictures all over the walls of the apartment. I
> >could do with fewer of those... especially those sporting images of people
> >who've caused me grief without offering any help.
>
> >db
>
> digital frames.
I'm not sure if I'd put something of value like a frame like that into
a nursing home setting (if that's the destination we're talking
about). At least in the places where Dad has been, it's a dementia
unit, people wander in and out of rooms, take stuff that isn't theirs,
things get dropped, etc. And definitely leave any jewelery that is of
any value behind, it will not likely be there for long.
KD
demibee
> I imagine a Downs Syndrome child needs to be watched all the time. They
> are active and inquisitive, and like to put things into their mouths and
> swallow them. The one I happen to know, who is cared for by a relative
> of mine, will eat almost anything unless prevented. For example, he will
> go into the bathroom and if left unattended, will eat the toothpaste.
> They need watching.
The one I met had Downs and something else... maybe ADD... so he was a
handful. I was with a friend who knew the family. The father was working
on something outside, and this kid had energy enough for several kids...
hard to keep control of him. He asked me to push him on the swing, and it
was never high enough... He'd've had me push him right around the bar.
Plus, there was this exchange...
Kid: I'm gonna throws rocks at Daddy's car! :)
Dad: No, honey, don't throw rocks at Da-
<BANG!>.... <BANG!>.... <BANG!>....
Hard to forget that ;)
db
demibee
> The older experienced workers probably found a better paying, lower
> stress job. It's not a rewarding job, I imagine most move on.
I can certainly appreciate that! I'm no caregiver... more of a "life
manager" -- make sure she has her pills... make sure she eats... that
she's dressed for the weather... etc. Then there's dealing with bills,
specific grocery items, doctor's appointments, prescriptions &
reimbursements, forms galore (and the bureaucracy that goes with that),
proofing the apt, undoing any of the odd things she did nearly everyday,
explaining and re-explaining that she can't go out at 3am, plus finding
all the things she'd misplaced. And I found that exhausting!
If I had to add personal care (washing, assistance with going to the
bathroom) to all that, I'd've called it a day long ago. I could probably
do that more easily with a stranger than with my mother.
db
crsflnnrt
> And I'll have to ask what I can bring to the home so that she does feel it
> to be "her" place... I'm guessing furniture is out of the question ;)
> But she has a sh*tload a pictures all over the walls of the apartment. I
> could do with fewer of those... especially those sporting images of people
> who've caused me grief without offering any help.
>
> db
My Dad's nursing home allowed furniture, and definitely photos and
pictures from home, in fact they encouraged those to make people feel
at home.
It's important to keep in mind that you are not unimportant. Your
mother comes first in your mind, but you must not come last.
demibee
> On Sat, 2 Jan 2010 17:01:59 -0800 (PST), KD <kdo...@gmail.com> wrote:
>>I'm not sure if I'd put something of value like a frame like that into a
>>nursing home setting (if that's the destination we're talking about). At
>>least in the places where Dad has been, it's a dementia unit, people
>>wander in and out of rooms, take stuff that isn't theirs, things get
>>dropped, etc. And definitely leave any jewelery that is of any value
>>behind, it will not likely be there for long.
>>
> Yes, you're right, now that you mention it I have heard that.
Geez, I don't like the idea of Mom being surrounded by people with even
*more* problems... I think I prefer the idea of *her* driving other
people up the wall ;)
Seriously, is it that bad? I'd like her to have something of her own
(other than her clothing). And pictures seem to be a good way of trying
to keep her family in her mind. If I had digital versions of them, I'd go
with the ever-changing digital frame: she wouldn't have to operate it...
and if it went missing, it'd be easily replaced. Unfortunately, the many,
many pics she has on the walls, furniture, etc. are plain ol' film. I
suppose I could have them scanned.
db
demibee
> My Dad's nursing home allowed furniture, and definitely photos and
> pictures from home, in fact they encouraged those to make people feel at
> home.
A few choice pieces of furniture would be good. And hard to steal :)
Plus, I myself have little use for the vast majority of the stuff here,
other than what's mine.
db
demibee
> It's a double-edged sword - if they are not to be tied to their chairs
> then they wander around and who knows, just pick stuff up. I prefer
> that to sedation.
Yeah, I'd agree with that... especially seeing what those sleeping pills
do to her. It's almost like drunkenness.
> Pictures up on the wall seem great and if you need scanning done, bring
> them round - you won't be the first :) Probably not a great idea to
> send originals with her anyway.
Thanks for the offer... I may just. But I may wait till she's placed in
our preferred facility. Of course, I don't know how long she'll be in the
temporary one... so I'll see how things go. I still have a few questions
for those who'll be overseeing all this.
db