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"You want fun? Go home and buy a monkey!" -- Quagmire
"Let's look at some etchings. Now. Here's a fellow attempting to ride a bicycle. But he's having some trouble, isn't he? Would you like to know why? Because he's a Scot! Ha, ha, ha! Now, who here likes a good story about a bridge?" -- Buzz Killington (Family Guy)
''Jim, you think he's with Jesus now? We only have 30 seconds.'' -- Larry King, to actor Jim Caviezel after Pope John Paul II's death