Fwd: This was sent to me and thought you would like it!
Bernadette Stone
Sent: Wednesday, April 1, 2020 2:35 PM
To: Bernadette Stone
Subject: Re: This was sent to me and thought you would like it!
On Apr 1, 2020, at 11:51 AM, Bernadette Stone <BSTO...@msn.com> wrote:
From: Halbach, Marcia A <Marcia....@howmet.com>
Sent: Wednesday, April 1, 2020 11:32:13 AM
To: MaryBeth. Bryant (marybet...@yahoo.com) <marybet...@yahoo.com>; BERNADETTE STONE <bsto...@msn.com>; 'Cathy Ochse' <coc...@theparksavoy.com>; ReneeSyzmczak <Reen...@yahoo.com>; Linda <btasoc...@aol.com>; Arlene Merle (jose...@netzero.net) <jose...@netzero.net>; Lorraine Giaquinto (elbo...@aol.com) <elbo...@aol.com>; pcarr...@yahoo.com <pcarr...@yahoo.com>
Subject: FW: This was sent to me and thought you would like it!Some of these are LOL funny! Enjoy.
You know that moment when you’re worried about the elderly and then realize you ARE the elderly
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Snaccident (noun) : When you accidentally eat all your “self-quarantine” snacks on day 1.
January 1 st : “This is my year!”
March 20 th : Wiping my ass with a coffee filter
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Kinda starting to understand why pets try to run out of the house when the front door opens …
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Now that we have everyone washing their hands correctly, next week: turn signals!
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Since soap kills this virus, should we try eating Tide Pods again?
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When swimsuit season hits, I just want y‘all to remember the gyms were closed during Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs season!
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Putting a drink in each room of my house today …calling it a pub crawl.
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Day 5 without Hockey (or name your sport): I started a fight with my wife just so I could remember what it’s like to lose again.
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Tom Hanks tested positive for coronavirus. On the bright side, this means he’ll now star as himself in the movie.
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They said a mask and gloves were enough to go to the grocery store.
They lied, everybody else had clothes on!
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My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately, that when I pee it cleans the toilet!
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Breaking news! New research shows working from home does NOT lead to a cleaner house!
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Latest Police report for the past 24 hours:
Robberies: 0
Crime: 0
Accidents: 0
Husband/wife fights: 84,635
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Day 3 of homeschool: one of the little bastards called in a bomb threat.
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How long is social distancing supposed to last? My wife keeps trying to come in the house.
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I don’t think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks earlier this month we’d go from standard time to the Twilight Zone.
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Single man with Purell and Lysol seeking single woman with toilet paper for good clean fun.
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Latest Coronavirus advice:
Couples: no touching, no kissing and definitely no sex.
Married couples: Continue on as normal
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I miss the days when Vaporub kept illnesses away.
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The most unused household item during Quarantine 2020?
Bras
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Homeschooling Schedule
9 am: Home Economics: Learn how to make me a decent cup of coffee
10 am: Engineering: how to operate the vacuum and washing machine
11 am: PE: Carry garbage and recycling to garage
1 pm: Chemistry: How to bleach and disinfect the bathroom
2 pm: Geography: where the items you have strewn across the house actually live
3 pm: Orienteering: how to find the clothes hamper
3:30 pm: Horticulture: chopping vegetables
4:30 pm: Science: learn how hot water and Dawn liquid remove grease from pans
5 pm: After school club: Go to your room with your ipad and be quiet!
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Where is your next travel destination?
- Las Kitchenas
- Los Lounges
- Santa Bedroomes
- Porto Gardenas
- Los Bed
- Costa Del Balconia
- St bathroom
- La Rotunda de Sofa
- Puerto Backyarda
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During Social Distancing
Dogs: Oh my god! You’re here all day and this is the best as I can love you and see you and be with you and follow you and I am so happy and excited because you are the greatest and I love you being here so much!!!
Cats: What the f%# are you still doing here?
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Border Patrol just seized 2 tons of toilet paper hidden in cocaine …
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Commenting on your wife’s roots showing will cause more deaths than the virus!
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Everything is closing so I’m about to open up a strip club/breakfast diner/daycare centre.
I’m calling it “Tits, Grits and We Babysits”
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Husband starts working from home tomorrow. He stopped at the market on the way home so he could pick up a few things to have in the house. Read: he came home with 7 lbs of Cadbury mini eggs.
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Thoughts and prayers going out to all the married men who have spent months telling their wives “I’ll do that when I have time!”
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Reminder: 9 pm is the time to remove your daytime pajamas and put your nighttime pajamas on.
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To heck with toilet paper!
I bought dryer sheets.
My butt smells like lavender
There is no more static electricity
And for the first time in 20 years my ass is now wrinkle free!
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Hooters should start a home delivery service … they can call it “Knockers”
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Today’s drink special: The Quarantini. It’s just a regular martini but you drink it alone, in your house
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Sometimes I wonder if all of this is happening because I didn’t forward that message to 10 other people?
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If the schools are closed for too long, the parents are going to find a vaccine before the scientists!
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How’s my social distancing going? Yesterday I took a nap to stop eating.
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Quarantine Diary:
- Day 1: I have stocked up on enough non-perishable food and supplies to last me for months, maybe years, so that I can remain in isolation for as long as it takes to see out this pandemic.
- Day 1 + 45 minutes: I am in the supermarket because I wanted a KitKat.
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DUI checkpoint: Corner of the hallway & the kitchen
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