Waiting Phrases Quotes

[Jan Dominquez]

ZaneleMuholi is a South African activist and artist. She works primarily in photography and video. Despite her fame as an artist, Muholi identifies herself as an activist first. It is her intention to use her art to highlight the beauty and individuality of black LGBTQ women: a group that she believes has been terribly underrepresented in all forms of art. So, instead of waiting for someone else to validate LGBT women of color, she took it upon herself to bring the struggles, needs, and beauty of these women to light.

Karl Heinrich Ulrichs is known as one of the first gay men to publicly announce his sexual identity. Born in Germany in 1825, his coming out was a historic and brave moment. During his lifetime, Ulrichs wrote numerous essays discussing homosexuality and asserting that non-heterosexual orientations are natural and biological. Despite being arrested numerous times, Ulrichs stated in the above quotation that he was proud of the work that he did for the LGBTQ community.

Jhanna Sigurardttir, a former Icelandic Prime Minister and the first openly gay head of state, uttered these words during a speech at a 2014 Pride festival. In this speech, she was thankful that her native country was making strides towards acceptance and equal rights for LGBTQ people. However, she emphasized that until these rights are status quo all over the world, we cannot consider ourselves truly free. This marked one of the first calls from a head of state to make LGBTQ rights the standard worldwide.

Arsham Parsi, an Iranian refugee living in Canada in exile, has made it his mission to help LGBTQ people living in Iran: a nation where acts of homosexuality are punishable by flogging or even death. In the above quotation, Parsi seeks the assistance of LGBTQ people living in Western nations, providing a powerful reminder that while things are slowly improving in the west, there are still queer people all over the world who live every day afraid for their very lives.

Barbara Gittings is known for being an American activist fighting on behalf of the LGBTQ population. In her most well-known fight she took on a Goliath: the United States government. She picketed to stop them from barring LGBTQ applicants from employment. However, as she states in the above quote, her greatest wish was not for laws to pass, but for true acceptance and equality.

This is one of the most famous quotes to come out of the Stonewall Riots. Uttered by Latina LGBTQ activist Sylvia Rivera, this statement served as a rallying cry for many who were afraid of the violence that occurred at Stonewall. Rivera knew the dangers, but also knew that the risk was worth the potential reward. She knew that the queer community had been put down for long enough and was ready to fight for their rights and for their voice. Participating in the riots at only 17 years old, Rivera was an inspiration to many.

Another important figure in the Stonewall Riots, Marsha P. Johnson was also one of the first activists to fight for the rights and dignity of drag queens. She was vocal throughout her life about the unique struggles faced by those who dressed in drag and encouraged others not to become complacent and to continue fighting for rights and respect.

Troy Perry founded the Metropolitan Community Church: a Protestant denomination that specializes in welcoming the LGBTQ community. Perry was religious for much of his life, but was frustrated by feeling unwelcome as a gay man. With his ministry, he strives to give others a place of love, welcoming, and acceptance. He is also a vocal advocate encouraging other faith communities to open their doors to the queer community.

The AIDS epidemic, which reached its peak in the 80s and 90s, was a vital moment for the queer community. Gay men were the group most ravaged by the disease, and the most feared and hated group because of it. Larry Kramer was a vocal advocate for those suffering from AIDS, and continues to speak out to this day about the failure of our society to help and protect those who are suffering.

In 2013, Tammy Baldwin made history by becoming the first openly gay Senator in the United States. In her speech at the Millennium March for Equality, she spoke to LGBTQ folks, encouraging them to be out and proud. In this quotation, she states that the only way to normalize non-heterosexual orientations is for the queer community to act like they are normal, because they are.

In 2014, Jason Collins made history by becoming the first male professional athlete to publicly identify himself as gay. After his announcement, a flood of other queer athletes began declaring their sexuality, revealing to the world that some of our greatest sports figures are in fact LGBTQ. This was a milestone for the fight for equality because, as Collins says, being open about sexual orientation is an important step towards ending prejudice.

We inspire, educate, equip everyone for a career in human rights. We also provide information about online courses, jobs, paid internships, masters degrees, scholarships and other opportunities in the human rights sector and related areas.

According to Psychology Today, gaslighting typically begins gradually, with a snide comment or critical remark disguised as a joke. The gaslighter may then deny having said or done something, tell blatant lies and eventually project his or her bad behavior or traits on you.

Brittany, hard as it may be, we sometimes need to cut people out of our lives. Specifically people who are destructive versus supportive of us. Oftentimes, this will include family members. In your case, they may see you as possessing some unique talents, skills , personal characteristics, etc. they are jealous of so, they demean you. In what you wrote, you demonstrated good insight and an accurate read of what has been going on. You are smart!

The next step is figuring out how to distance yourself from those who are harming you. That is, determine how you can largely eliminate them from your life. If you live with these family members, find your own place. Also, eliminate your psychological reliance on them. You can find useful guidance for this on line.

Do not look for ANY help, support, guidance, etc. no matter how small, from those who are harming you. The above will take some time. Be patient. In the meantime, let their abusing words turn into motivation to continue planning and gaining your freedom.

Families are sometimes known to gang up on members who are unique, different from them as they find such individuals to be threatening. I suspect you have a talent(s) they are jealous of and do not wish you to become successful or happy in your life.

None of those quotes are gaslighting. The only reason you believe that is because your victim mentality knows no bounds; you want to play victim in a pathetic attempt to avoid having to swallow your pride and admit your mistake.

OK people calm down.

Or is that me gas lighting?

One big consideration that is missed in simply looking at words and phrases is motive and intent.

Too often people latch onto a form of armchair psychology and self analysis. Appropriating words and phrases that are sometimes just simple statements of fact to be forms of abuse, when they are not.

Abuse is a systemic behaviour that has one purpose, to exert power in order to control. This can be evidenced in terms, phrases or acts that are imposed across multiple areas and over time. Individual statements do not make a gas lighter, collective statement and behaviours over time do. These reveal the true character and nature of an individual, and ultimately what their motive and intent is.

Another term used here is victim mentality. One consideration when defining someone according to power and control techniques and methods is to be fully aware that it does place you into a victim mentality. That is what it is designed to do, to protect the self from further abuse, firstly by identifying forms of abuse, then by protecting the victim from further abuse by refusing to accept any form of explanation.

Instead defining anything offered that is only measured through a lens of self protection as further abuse.

The method is self validating, self protecting, and as such can not allow challenge because to to so might cause further damage or abuse.

It is not subjective if self applied, and should always be considered and reviewed by a trained third party professional, who talks to both sides, not just one side.

It is all too easy to cause significant and lasting damage to relationships by applying elements of psychology to suit a disposition or desired outcome, this is why context and defining character and nature over time, as well as external review and challenge of these things is imperative.

Gas lighting is not just attached to words, it is found in the intent.

If you then assume someone is guilty of intent based solely on words and allow them no right to challenge you conclusions and definition of them then this is a sure sign that you are the issue.

Because you are denying them their basic legal right to a presumption of innocence, you by application of a method to define an abuse without allowing context deny them the right to a voice and to defend themself.

So be very careful, what may sometimes appear as gas lighting may actually be a medical condition, emotional difficulty, or even a psychological issue in the other person, and not an intent to cause deliberate harm. Perceiving them only through a lens of suspicion and doubt attached to self protection or only your rights does not allow for broader considerations to be made.

Which is a limiting factor of simply trying to define anyone there by words and phrases.

Thanks for the informative article!

It started me wondering though, if someone who has been gaslit for years can they start to develop/demonstrating the behaviors to gaslight others without realizing it?

Context is key with all of this, especially as both a gaslighter and the gaslighting victim may find themselves saying many of the listed phrases. A few are also phrases that may come up around someone genuinely dealing with psychosis (such as caused through trauma, depression, etc.). The different effects and results are key, especially since gaslighting is used by an abuser in manipulating the victim and particularly has the goal of cognitive dissonance.

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