So I just stopped all apps, just started Zoom with the camera and turned off all features there, then I added OBS and let it have the camera and did the same, added xsplit and moved the camera to it, and now it behaves like I thought it would do.
I've been using xsplit vcam and it works great with GoToMeeting for background replacement. In my opinion, it does the best compared to the blurings / replacement capabilities of xoom, teams, etc. And, compared to SnapCam, you won't accidentially turn yourself into a potato. It has an easy interface.
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