Re: Jesrey Shore 2: The Sharks Bite Back

[John Scheidemann]

Friends, Family, Hangers on,

   

    This past weekend the Men played their final game of the season.  On a globally warming day of nearly 70 degrees,The men took on a much less skilled Jersey Shore Sharks side.  unfortunately, nobody told the sharks that they were supposed to lose.  Due to a lack of numbers over the past few weeks of practice, our boys played undisciplined, unorganized and un-smart.  Falling behind early, the guys never got it going.  It ain't cool playing like a bunch of jive turkeys this close to Thanksgiving.  I'm sure that loss burned the players as well as the spectators.  It was a low end to an otherwise solid season. 

    But this is the season for giving thanks, not for harping on the negatives.  The men pressed on, holding the first of many kangaroo courts.  Coach Scooter and Capt Dan evoked the "No girls club" and planned the team bonding event for the Goose compound.  Sadly, due to the tiniest of cuts on Goose's head, Goose was unable to host.  Thankfully, the event was quickly moved to Belushi's in a "seemed like a good idea at the time" moment. 

    Etiquette prevents the retelling of all the events but suffice to say a good time was had by all and those who were not present were sorely missed and sorely missed out.  The men ate some member berries (member the season? member when Gump was sweaty? member when Vaz wasn't angry?  I remember. )BUUUUUUUUUT that doesn't mean we can't have AWARDS!!!

SUPERLATIVES:

Bud lite lime-a-rita man of the match: Pat, for whole season of great play.

Dick of the Day (brought to you by generic flavored condoms...oooh feel the burn) Joe Dabs...we never get pizza at the

                    social and you KNOCK OVER a whole pizza....and don't even pick up your mess.

                    Runner up Ray for taking the big couch while Fadel slept on the floor......Speaking of......

See my Vest Award: Ray...showing all his chest hairs

New Name Alert: "Lethal Weapon" for Forrest "Ted" Deily

Carolina leaking turtle:  Sam...For sweating up the dance floor.

They Call Me "Mr. Dibbs": Crocket, you can't call dibs on every girl that walks by, that is just creepy.

Flopping Flounder Award:  Fadel, trying to find the floor to sleep...whole house was shaking.

Recycling Award: Jeff and Chris'tion, I will get you you back.  Mark my words.

Biggest Baby Award: Goose, for getting stitches on that little wound.

People Who should not be surprised they are not invited back: all those who attended, but especially those who

                                    attended Lock Haven, but also especially all the rest of you.  Eat a bag of turkey d*cks.

Thankful Thoughts:  I am thankful for all my Hburg friends and family.  But especially for all the things you guys left

                    here...Not 1, Not 2, but 3 (THREE) Coleman coolers.  They are sweet.

                    A really nice phone charger, that's coming in handy this weekend.

                    All that beer you guys left here...not thankful for you drinking my good beer.

Lets get at it this off-season. 

Have a Happy Thanksgiving,

Gobble Gobble

Belushi

[John Scheidemann]

All,

        This past Saturday night HRFC held its inaugural (awards replacement/drinky drink) social at The Tattered Flag, the new home of HRFC socials (until we build a clubhouse or they kick us out, whichever comes first).  A great time was had by all, except for Vaz's face. 

        Many of the Harrisburg  glitterati were present to partake in the festivities.  Julie Hile and Tanka took time off their 75th vacation to attend.   Even Juice and her tiny man servant Larry Sweger showed up!  So for those (losers) who were not in attendance a few line items to cover the evening.

   

        Raffle: Big Eric won the tv, a bunch of glasses (both drinking and sun), coozies and the lead role in the real life drama "Who Rigged the Raffle?".  CONGRATS!

        Who Knew?: Did you know Gump has a girlfriend AND she's real?  who knew?  controversy did swirl though when he would no prove the girl with him was the same girl from the "tasteful" (wink wink) pics he shared last summer.

        Crime and no punishment:  1.though the social only allowed for 2 drinks for free, SOME people took advantage of the less than attentive staff and had many, many many, more than 2 drinks.  I will not out these people because as Chappelle said "I plea the fif!"

          2. Several people OVER imbibed.  The list is too long to recount here, so I will list the people who did NOT over indulge:  well I don't know because I may have been on the other list. 

        Slap hear round the world: Vaz had the honor to be the first recipient of the first "Claim Game".  For those who do not know, Vaz made a claim (I will have the jackets embroidered before the social"), Scooter accepted that claim.  Vaz failed to make good.  Thus a public bitch slap took place.  There are many videos floating around for posterity.  To put the fake news to rest, from this reporter's vantage it was CLEAR that Scooter did not cup his hand nor pull back in any way.  Team officials have put the Claim Game in effect from here on out. 

     The TAKEAWAY: do NOT make a claim you can't back up.

        LOST AND FOUND:  A growing number of things keep turning up at Belushi's Home for Wayward Souls.  This week 2 two TWO women's Jackets and the leftover wings from the social.  since it is beyond 48 hours since they were left, unclaimed, they may be auctioned off. 

                NEXT AUCTION may include:  Women's Jacket, Tanish? fur lined, Women's Jacket, blueish?, Cooler (backpack), cooler (with wheels!), 1 orange sippy cup, and MUCH MORE!

  Disaster Averted: Dan salvaged all the wings from the social and brought them to my house.  They almost went bad as  my very small industrial size fridge has limited room.  Fortunately, I was able to eat them all in time during the super bowl.  You're welcome!!!!!

MEN: Meeting this thursday, MANDATORY.  Get there! Season starts NOW!  Aslo DOWNLOAD THE TEAM APP!!! it will have all of our info throughout the season.

WOMEN: talk to you again in may for SEVENS!!!!!!!!!!!!!(PS you'll get an APP then too!!!)

Love you All (except for those I don't)(which is all of you),

Belushi

                                                                                        

                           

        

        

[John Scheidemann]

Rugby Fam,

    WELP!  It's that time again, Rugby(ish) has started.  New year, new faces in new places.  This time the boys in blue (those of us tough and dedicated enough to make the trip), traveled up river to play something like rugby.  Bad omens abound when prior to leave time several players came down with a severe case of BScusis.  Those afflicted numbered too many to name (Soccer Steve, Pat, Ted, SCOOTER, Chaz, Jeff Lancione, Gump, Ted).  Others used the old "Imma 'bout to be a baby daddy" rationale not to attend.  (Which brings up a very crucial point.  I propose a new rules amendment.  If someone is elected captain and said individual accepts said post, then said individual will be required to use birth control for 12 lunar cycles so as to avoid losing said captain to pregnancy/child birth.)  Undaunted, the Men left with dreams of not puking...i mean victory...in their heads.  The results were less than optimal.

    7s is a game of discipline and fitness, our would be heroes were sorely lacking in both.  But considering we had one week of practice and the teams we faced had about a month, it wasn't so bad.  What the boys did have was size (that's what she said? ) which  resulted in a 99.9% success rate in scrums* (*all stats are unofficial as Scooter is "stats" coach and he was otherwise afflicted).  At any rate, since Scooter was quarantined, there was  no "Scoring" coach.  Therefore, many details of the days exploits are lost to the ages.  Harrisburg finished the day an unofficial 2-2.  Game 1 the Men lost not only the match but also team leader, heart and soul and legend, Belushi, to a knee injury.  Hurry back soon Belushi, WE NEED YOU!!!! You are the most gifted and talented player we have ever known. (Thanks Belushi, you get me).  Game 2 was a resounding victory by Big Blue.  Game 3 was a heart breaking loss to a B-side by a very narrow margin of 100 points.  Game 4 results are unknown and after a straw poll on the ride home, we care calling it a win.  Good job guys.

   

    HIGHLIGHTS: There were lots of highlights on the day, but none were more talked about than when Goose had a looong half break (approx. 15 meters) down the sideline and he claims to have had "nifty footwork"     along the line.  He then passed the ball back inside to someone else, keeping the ball alive.  This writer must     have seen a different view. 

Newcomer Jesse "Samson" kint stole about 4 kickofffs on the day with an impressive display of athleticism and     alcohol tolerance.

In a play now known as "The Chase" Prop Bod Cody ran down a very fast sophomore (running at a junior level)     on a break abut 50 meters downfield where both he and Samson (the other prop) made a goal line stand until     the rest of the team managed to make it downfield.  Actual overheard "Big Boy can moooove." Would have     been top Highlight performance if the play resulted in stopping a try....whomp whomp whooooooommp.

Another new face, Leo, made his presence felt in the scrums but really felt by a poor young soul that he     flattened while trying to pick up a loose ball, may he rest in peace.

Gizmo introduced an opposing player to the turf courtesy of a vicious stiff arm to the throat.

Crist'ion put in a solid steady effort all day.

Hicks passed the ball.  Probably should have led with that.

Right at kickoff of the last game, a massive storm front rolled in and had "Day After Tomorrow" effects.  The            temperature dropped 15,20 some say 100 degrees.  Flash freezing everyone in place (this might be a sliiiight     exaggeration)

Nobody died, so that's a plus.

POLICE BLOTTER

   Multiple thefts were reported Saturday Night in the Harrisburg Area.  A wallet, phone, keys and dignity were reported "stolen" by an unidentified victim.  Victim was described as "wearing a hat that he refused to take off.....ever." The theft took place sometime after he entered Bridges Night Club.  The phone was later returned.  His heart may have also been stolen during the course of the evening.  Suspect identification withheld to protect the not even close to innocent.....for now.

    Another attempted theft took place in Bridges when an unidentified male attempted to steal some guys date when the alleged thief sat  down at their table took victim's seat and refused to yield said seat upon demand.  After some time, the alleged thief became bored  and distracted by other women and left.  The alleged Thief is described as tall, built, day walker ginger, and sporting a tattoo on his  buttocks of some OTHER guy's football number.      

    In a related story: yet another heart was stolen by an unidentified male fitting the same description as above.  Though this time the victim received "Hook Up" gift package "C", contents as follows: 1 flavored condom with the words "Tastefully Yours!" and a Winky  face emoji on package, 1 mass produced letter entitled "Seventeen Ways You Move Me", 1 note with The words "Thanks ______, last night was ______.  Call Me Soon, (heart emoji) Ted.  Also a phone number to a local Bait shop was listed, and 1 gray sock. 

    Belushi reports 2 more thefts.  First, 1 women's jacket, earmarked for auction.  Description of the suspect: Ali Tarre. Second, 1 gray sock.  Suspect fits the description of the "Seventeen Bandit".  Questions abound.  Any info on any of these crimes, please contact your local authorities.

PERSONALS:

    Jesse "Samson" Kint:  New to the club but not to rugby, Samson enjoys long slow chugs of alcohol by the ocean.   He likes cats.  Loves intellectual conversations about our military presence in the Middle East but somehow isn't afraid to just "Bro out" with the right people.  He's single and ready to mingle.  But look out ladies, DO NOT TOUCH HIS HAT.  That gives him his "mojo".  Looking for a LTR.  Will not reply unless you send him nude Pics first.  Serious Inquires only.    

     

SUPERLATIVES:

Missed Claim Opportunity: Whole Team.  "Samson" calls for the ball saying "I'm going to run over that skinny     kid", He gets ball, runs at said skinny kid and.....promptly lets the skinny kid pick the ball right out of his     hands.  For shame all for missing the "claim".

Scoring Allergy: Many missed opportunities on the day, however the coup de gras goes to Gizmo.  With a     loooong break (for realzies this time) and having just left the last defender in the dust, Gizmo decided he     had had enough and just threw the ball away.  Later he claimed he was just "here for the exercise".

First Blood: Apparently, Goose scored the first try of the season.  So Kudos Goose.

Intreri Award: Goose for shamelessly lobying for a recap mention

Rookie of the Day: Though some spectators left early, unimpressed with this Rookie's performance (his     girlfriend was one), young Gunner played well in his first action since leaving the sacred halls of West     Shore United's "Sean Robinson Memorial Stadium and Peace Garden".  Good job Gunner.   

Defensive play of the Day: Leo, on the aforementioned pancakeing, Leo backed up the Attack 15 meters single     handily as they were so scared of him they just kept just throwing the ball backwards.  Leo finished the play         with what can only be described as a "please stop running so i can stop running" look on his face. 

Best Coupling: Not during game but still..It was an epic BROnding at first sight, they will turn any Hoe down into     a Bro Down, Ted "Seventeen" and Samson met Saturday night and there was no denying instant     BROtraction.  If the sparks that were flying OFF the field are any indication of the fireworks to come ON the     field, it should be an explosive season!

Great job everybody.  For those that attended, we learned we are very far from being in shape and have a lot of work to do.  So lets get to it. Practice tues night in the parking garage. 

 See you then,

Belushi          

[John Scheidemann]

Fellow Ruggers,

    It's official!!! The Spring season has begun.  This past weekend the entire HRFC family participated in the Annual Shade Cup.  In memory of former Men's team coach, Dennis Shade.  For those of you who are unfamiliar with the man, he loved Rugby, not just for the sport but also for the international camaraderie.  He was always ready with a helpful coaching point or an incredibly inappropriate, if not outright offensive, statement.  He is missed. 

   

    All the HRFC elite were on hand to witness the days games, and they were not disappointed (except with one young rugger who will remain nameless but it rhymes with runner).  Our favorite ruggers of ill repute, the Harlots, continued their boring trend of handily defeating an over matched foe.  Seriously, that's sooooo 2016 ladies, let's keep it interesting in 2017.  Just kidding, keep the Juggernaut rolling!!! But the REAL story was the men (also I don't write recaps for the women, usually), who put on an impressive show thanks to a group of new comers.

     The Men took the field on a beautiful March Saturday to play a playoff bound Whitehorse Team.  Due to weather and daylight constraints (and a little laziness), the Boys have only had 2 full practices to prep for the game.  Additionally, several possible starters were missing due to babies, BRO downs and governmental requirements.  But that didn't stop Big Blue from playing their hearts out.  Coach Scooter just made a workaround by playing some guys a tad longer than expected.  Later Scooter would state "I figured there was only a moderate possibility Vaz and Leo would die sooo...", he never finished that statement, but no one died sooo.

   

    Starting strong, the Boys pressed the Attack. Spurred on by several quick strike runs by international sensation and UK deportee Egbert "Eggy"  Eggerton, III, the Burg was close to a try on multiple occasions during the first half.  Unfortunately, lack of support, miss handles and just general "bone headed" decisions stymied Harrisburg time and again.  Afterward Eggy said of his all around play "Eggy is just one man, He's just one man".  Ever Humble.  But it was defense that ruled the first half.  Playing stout, yet somewhat discombobulated, Harrisburg held a potent attack at bay for most of the first half.  Unfortunately, Whitehorse, rather cheaply, took advantage of a 4 on 1 situation and drew first blood going up 0-5 around 30 mins into the first half.  Team Captain Cody (not to be confused with field Captain Crist'ion) rallied the troops by telling them to calm down and not to worry since we were going downhill in the 2nd half.  Inspired, Jesse "Sampson" Kint, who played like the Energizer Bunny mainlining red bull all day, stole the ensuing kickoff. Sampson was later overheard saying "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE".  He was pumped.

    Once again the men pressed the attack and for the remainder of the half, played in opposition territory.  Once again, several opportunities were squandered, some by bad luck on kicks and some missing support and poor decisions. 

At half, Coach Scooter made some personnel changes and told the Lads.  "This is it, DOWN HILL, this is what all the lack of training has been for.  Let's go get them!!!!" Truer words were never spoken.  Charged up, the boys took the field as they left it, Sampson stealing the opening kick and putting White Horse on their heals.  Then with a beautiful play from a scrum, Reid sent a skip pass to Jeff who made a nice break.  HE. THEN. PASSED. THE. BALL.  The crowd went silent in awe.  The surge resulted in Eggy finally triangulating his kicks to convert a penalty. The Boys were on the board and looking for more.  Later in the half, with their backs against the wall, Big Blue made another nice break on another skip pass to Jeff.  This time, Jeff did not pass to Belushi to take advantage of a 2 on 1 (used up all his passes earlier).  But have no fear, Eggy was here.  On the next set piece, Eggy used a dummy (pass not a person, although..) to set up a nice 50 meter scramble for the first try of the season.  Later He stated "there's no "I" in team, we just take it one step at a time.  Me just tired of the others not getting in so me took it myself".  #Humblebrag. 

      Unfortunately, as time wore on, the Burg wore down.  Lack of fitness and training time began to turn cracks in the defense into gaps.  It also led to miscommunications on the attack.  Though the Boys still fought on and had some more missed opportunities.  They could not find pay dirt.  In the end, they fell 10-22 in a game that was closer than the score showed.  Well fought match fellas.

   

    Play of the Game: Eggy made a perfect skip pass to Wing Baby Adam, who caught the ball at full tilt in stride.  He then passed it to a looping Haircut who attempted a grubber foward.  Though it did not net points, it was a professional looking play and a great example of playing the field as it is presented.   Well done!

    

    Highlights of the Game: New guys stepping up.  Not just Eggy played on Saturday (no offense Eggy), Bradley, seeing his first ever rugby action was a force on defense.  Sampson was all over the field.  Leo stepped up big time.  Don't get me started on Gunner though (Just kidding Gunner, you never disappoint to disappoint).  Additionally, HRFC was on the opposition side of the field for at least 60% of the game.

    Things we did well:  Kept fighting until the final whistle.  Pressed the attack.  For 3/4 of the game the opposition was on their heals.  We kept our heads, they were cheap but we played the game the right way.

      

    Things we need to work on.  FITNESS (and no, fitness next piece of pizza in my mouth does not count).  We need to WORK on our own every chance we get.  Major factor in the loss.  PRACTICE.  We need to get to practice.  Line outs, back line plays, general defense, DECISION making.  All these things can be improved by just showing up.

   

Unofficial Stat of the Day #1: 3,615,216.  The Number of Line outs we lost.  This is EASILY cured with PRACTICE,

     showing up to practice and participating in said practice. 

Unofficial Stat of the Day #2: 529,013. The number of unsupported breaks we had on attack.  Same cure as above.

SUPERLATIVES

Bud lite Lime-A-Rita Man of the Match(original edition): Goose, though you couldn't tell because Vaz STILL has yet to

    get us the jackets.  He was all over the field playing several positions and did not split his head open.  Good Job. 

BOOM Helmet: Pete "Haircut" Flowbee.  Playing Fullback, made a bunch of try saving tackles and was a stout in the

    face of a much larger side.

Welsh Dragon: Goes to our littlest dragon, Eggy.  He crushed on "D", was a threat to score from anywhere and was generally kicking ass

     the entire game.

Most Hated: For reasons unknown, Baby Adam.  He was High tackled, Dump Tackled, dragged out by his collar and

     once he was just jumped on when he was on the ground.  But he took a licking and kept on ticking. Until.....

Synced Mensies: Adam and Reid.  For simultaneously cramping, in the same spot, on the field.  Seriously, how does

    that happen? You guys must hang out together a lot.  Its ok, eat some chocolate and take a Midol.  

New Comer Award: Lots of candidates, But Leo played hard, gave it his all and brought us all pizza(mmm) and

     shots(eeeww).  Good Job.  Plus it was his B-Day.

        Runner UP: NOT Gunner.

Tony Robbins Award: Jessie "Sampson", for "offering" himself up to be serviced so another player would play hard (what an incentive!)

      Then she did, soooo good job?(names withheld to protect the not so innocent).

Most Positions Played: Lots of candidates again..Eggy, played 3 spots, Scooter played several, as did Reid and Cody.

     But the Award HAS to go to Jeff who played, Outside Center, Inside Center, Fly Half, I believe he also played

    "midfielder" and possibly shortstop.  Outsiders might think he was just kinda floating around all willy nilly, but true

    rugby fans know you just can't contain a talent like Jeff to such things as "positions" and "right places".

Cool Hand Luke: Reid. Only complained to the Ref about one call.  Whoever took the Under on that bet won BIG.

Smooth Criminal: Sampson.  Stole 2 Kickoffs and dozens of hearts in the Hburg area (but NOT Jen Shade's).

    Runner UP: Bilbo Bagins, I believe that trixty Hobbit stole a couple of scrums. 

Taint Right: Controversy abound on the sideline in regard to the opposing sides shorts.  Allegedly there was a white

    stripe in the crotch which was very distracting to at least Goody.  OC had no Idea what a taint was.

Quote of the Day: Big Eric "this is going to be one of those mute Videos" In reference to the incessant yapping on the

     sideline right by the camera.  Looking at YOU OC.  I heard what you said!

Word of the Day: Geothermal, NOT to be confused with biodegradable NOR bio-luminescence.  Jeff and Belushi need

     to increase their vocabularies.

 

Well done everyone, see you at practice.  Lets get some new old faces out this week.  Next up, fun match then Lehigh Valley.

Hugs and Kisses,

Belushi

                     

[Scott Strelec]

Scott "Scooter" Strelec

HRFC Men's Coach

717-951-8149

HRFC.s...@gmail.com

"Sent from I phone, please excuse typos & grammar" 

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