Shaolin Soccer Archive.org

[Najla Ondik]

Bothmen reach a consensus to form a soccer team specializing in shaolin, each with a mutual purpose: Fung seeks revenge against Hung, while Sing uses the sport as both a vessel for his discipline and a way to promote kung fu to the world. To this end, the latter sets about finding his five brothers (not biological brothers, but his fellow disciple brothers that all studied under the same master), all possessors of unique physical abilities. All of his brothers have since given up on Shaolin and are in similarly disgraced predicaments as Fung. After initially rejecting Sing's pleas, the brothers get together to form Team Shaolin. When it's revealed that Sing and the rest of the team barely knows anything about soccer and that Sing is the only one that retained his Shaolin abilities, Fung just about gives up with them. However, during their first match against Team Rebellion, the remaining five brothers re-awaken their Shaolin powers, quickly turning the match in their favor. They also proceed to wow the members of Team Rebellion, a gang of bullies led by a member of the mob. The defeated members of Team Rebellion requested to join Team Shaolin, to which they happily obliged. They would go on to recruit more members from other teams along the way.

Fung enters the team into the China Super Cup in Hong Kong, where they make it to the finals after a series of consecutive and hilariously one-sided matches. There, they run into Team Evil, a powerful team headed by none other than Hung, who is also using his position as chairman of the National Soccer League to rig the tournament in his favor. The members of Team Evil have been injected with performance-enhancing drugs, granting them physical abilities equal to or perhaps even greater than Team Shaolin.

This strange movie stars and is directed by Hong Kong comedy legend Stephen Chow and his usual co-star Ng Man-tat. Chow plays a kung fu master named Sing and Man-tat plays a grungy former soccer star known as Golden Leg, who is crippled from a fan attack during his playing career. Golden Leg implores him to create a soccer team, and he fills it out with his five brothers (all with shaolin powers) and members of a local street gang.

Golden Leg trains the brothers on an abandoned field, where they all learn rudimentary soccer skills. They have a scrimmage against a street gang that eventually turns into a brawl. In this scene Sing pulls out a gun and an army helmet and begins firing shots at the opposing team. This turned out to be a dream, but Golden Leg teaches him a valuable lesson.

Golden Leg signs the team up for the Chinese Supercup tournament, which Team Evil, coached by his arch nemesis, Hung, has won five years in a row. The team decimates its competition using shaolin powers, like most ridiculous kung-fu movies, to beat teams by 40 goals in most games.

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