New Guide Entry: Parking.

Skip to first unread message


Sep 16, 2011, 10:41:10 AM9/16/11
to h2g2communityconsortium
New Hitchhiker's Guide Entry: Parking.

Firstly, according to the Urban Disruption and Traffic Knobbling
Department of Canis Major Alpha, parking is supposed to be simple,
convenient and fun.
Such lies do not go unpunished and, to a being, every employee of that
now defunct organisation has been hunted down and forced to watch
public information films until their heads exploded.
Parking, according to any student of the subject, is defined not by
the final act of leaving your vehicle to go shopping, but by the
activities that take up the majority of the time while you are looking
for a space.
If you wish to visit a department store or other psychologically
destabilising environment you will first have to pilot your vehicle
into the desired urban centre and find the nearest tower of grey,
brutalist architecture. This is a car park, a maze-like structure of
split layers and erroneous signs that has been specifically designed
to extract vast sums of money from those amongst the population who
are unable to understand the geo-spatial and temporal complexities of
bus timetables.

and on HyperSpaces at
Enjoy. Tim.

Martin Bezemer aka Haragai (U14769281)

Sep 16, 2011, 5:42:46 PM9/16/11
to h2g2communityconsortium
Brilliant, as ever.
Thank You.
This ticks all the boxes, except maybe this one:

After waiting in a lo-o-ong queue to enter the overstuffed car park,
with the red light blinking on and off in your face telling you the
car park is full, you get to enter. The problem is then to find that
one spot that has been vacated by the vehicle that just left the car
park and therefore causing the occupation counter to decrease to the
level of full minus one and have the system let you in.
The free space could very well be one that is reserved for the
handicapped, at least physically and often also mentally, and you ,at
this point in time not yet over the edge of insanity, do not carry the
shiny blue card that will let you park in such a spot without being
fined an insane amount and/or being towed.
The exercise of the futile once arounf the block is then repeated
after you spiral down to the exit where you are mislead by the signs
and exit the facility or rather fail to exit the facility because the
parking ticket has to be validated and payed before you can pass the
exit gate and have not done yet because you have not left the car for
anything, let alone paying for parking your car which you have yet to
achieve. There you are; no way out because the gate in front of you
will not open without you paying your parking ticket and an irate
handicapped and severely socially challenged individual behind you
screaming at you to get out of the way.
At that precise point in time your wife will call you and tell you she
is done and can you pick her up *NOW* and wonders in a very loud and
very annoyed and in a very nasty tone where the ~bleep~ have you been
and what the ~bleep~ have you been doing for the past ~bleep~ing two
hours and why the ~bleep~ can't you just come along and have fun with
her doing the rounds around the shops, you ~bleep~ good for noting.




Sep 17, 2011, 4:12:56 PM9/17/11
to h2g2communityconsortium
SIr - I am out done.
Note to self - must try harder...!

On Sep 16, 10:42 pm, "Martin Bezemer aka Haragai (U14769281)"

Steve Dunkley

Sep 17, 2011, 4:24:33 PM9/17/11

On behalf of those that are setting up the new h2g2, I can only say how very
good your writing is. I read each and every thing you post over here and
laugh out loud every time.



Sep 19, 2011, 5:07:55 AM9/19/11
to h2g2communityconsortium
Thank you Steve,

As soon as the new site is up and running I have been asked to
contribute to the Post.
I'll do it, and damn the consequences.

Thanks for the complement - I really enjoy writing these, it good to
know folk love reading them too...


Martin Bezemer aka Haragai (U14769281)

Sep 19, 2011, 4:21:40 PM9/19/11
to h2g2communityconsortium
That's wunnerfall!
Reply all
Reply to author
0 new messages