07/29/26 Grif.Net - Famous One-Liners

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Jul 29, 2026, 12:20:46 PM (8 days ago) Jul 29

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[In a survey, these were selected as the “best” one-liner jokes. You judge which you would give the blue ribbon to.]

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

I childproofed my house, but somehow they still get in.

I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.

I started a procrastinators’ support group… we haven’t met yet.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes… so she hugged me.

I didn’t believe my dad was a construction site thief until I got home. All the signs were there.

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.

My neighbor knocked on my door at 3 AM. Luckily, I was still up playing my drums.

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

Dr Bob Griffin

“From all harm safe in His sheltering arms
I'm living by faith and feel no alarm.”