11/14/12 Grif.Net Blog - Bagpipe Jokes

[Dr Bob Griffin]

[15+ years ago, Randy Miller sends this collection of bagpipe jokes for
Grif.Net readers. They may be used with ANY INSTRUMENT (oboe, clarinet,
cello) of your displeasure.]

Q. How do you get two bagpipes to play a perfect unison?
A. Shoot one.

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Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?
A. People cry when you chop up an onion.

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Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and a trampoline?
A. You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.

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Q. How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch?
A. He can throw a bagpipe into a pond and not hit any of the ducks.

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Q. How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded?
A. You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.

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Q. What's the difference between Great Highland and Northumbrian bagpipes?
A. Great Highland burns longer [but the Northumbrian burns hotter]

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Q. What do you call bagpiper with half a brain?
A. Gifted.

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Q. If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust for directions, an
in-tune bagpipe player, an out-of-tune bagpipe player, or Santa Claus?
A. The out-of-tune bagpipe player. The others indicate you're hallucinating.


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Q. How do you make a chain saw sound like a bagpipe?
A. Add vibrato.

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Q. What's the definition of a gentleman?
A. Someone who knows how to play the bagpipe and doesn't.

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Q. What's the range of a bagpipe?
A. Twenty yards if you have a good arm.

~~
Dr Bob Griffin
b...@grif.net www.grif.net
"Jesus Knows Me, This I Love!"