12/27/05 Grif.Net - From the Police Blotter

[Dr Bob Griffin]

The following were taken off of actual police car camcorders around the
country:

"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out
after you wear them awhile."

"Take your hands off the car, or I'll make your birth certificate a
worthless document."

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know,
that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."

"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will
help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or
not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride
on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."

"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're
allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

and the best one . . .

"Miss, you didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we
don't. Sign here."

~~
Dr Bob
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given