Answers To A Sickeningly Sweet Baby Boy Case Study.rar
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Anyway, reading this blog post has helped me feel less guilty about my resentment. I am still trying to figure out some practical strategies to get through this period of my life and still have some health and energy left when it is finally over.
Very poignant. It hit all the feels. So much internal rage, resentment, and the weight that I will endlessly be trapped in this reality of obligation to support her over my own needs, wants and desires of living my own life.
Becky: you are not alone! Many of us are left to deal with this. You mention Mondays might be free. You might want to check out our free Positive Mornings coaching calls which go on Mondays 9-10 Am EST. Really gets you set for the week and helps you meet a group of intelligent people dealing with similar issues. You can find sign up here: -morning-coaching-sessions/
I finally got onto the property ladder and of course my mother moved with me. There was never a moment where she ever considered that this would not be the case. ( The rest of my family never questioned this either)
Of course my younger brothers dont do a thing, one lives abroad with his partner and the other down south with his partner. None of them offer to assist financially or otherwise. I guess they assume me being the only daughter that I should automatically assume the role of caregiver. I also feel they resent her for leaving it so late to leave my father, knowing she would not have any property or savings of her own.
I have a 23 years son of my own living away and working hard. I never want to burden him the way my mother has me. I have a private pension in place, life insurance and expect to be mortgage free within 3 years time. If I get sick, I will go into a care home- no arguments!
Clara: thank you for your note. It is proven research that daughters end up caring for their family more than sons. But have heart: we believe that you are never too old to get the life you deserve to have. Believe and hang tough.
This is me so thankyou so much for writing it. I hate myself at times as have wished my mother dead and then feel like a wicked person, but she gets to me so much at times. I have 3 siblings but none of them have contact with her so its down to me. I was sobbing my heart out reading your story as I can identify with you so much.
Thanks for this. All situations are different but the similarities are there. I feel like I am dragging two large boulders around all the time (Mom and Dad). I never wanted this role and am angry and resentful. Also depressed and hopeless and sometime hateful.
My Mom has been self-centered her whole life, loving us kids a lot but much more concerned for herself and her needs. She wanted to be close friends and use me as a support starting when I was about 10. When she tries to draw close, I want to run. Now her friends are dead and she is a mass of complaints, resentments and loneliness. Every conversation throws me into a tailspin. One of my brothers handles it better, one even worse.
My father was a benign guy, very passive, and in that passivity, also not there for us kids. Loving, yes, but not supportive. He now needs a full-time caregiver and total management of everything and thank goodness for one of my brothers who shares it and for some cash that makes the full-time caregiver possible for now.
My parents were attentive in my raising, though both working so very busy. So much so that under their guidance I was brought up to be very self reliant and independent. They were supportive of me and my siblings, even well into adulthood, to the point of having very little for themselves when they retired. I cant stress how selfless tgey have been.
Hi Bella: I understand the overwhelming state of your affairs with your mom. Find someone to talk to about this. It is a problem many people face: you are not alone. A good counselor will give you ways to handle her better.
I work with family caregivers, having been one myself. I get how hard it can be at so many levels. You become angry, depleted, and fearful about how you will lash out. Sometimes we do. But, it leaves us feeling worse than before.
My natural mother died when I was 4 and dad married my stepmother when I was 12, we never got on, she emotionally, mentally and physically abused me, treated me differently from my 2 brothers and also turned my brothers and dad against me, even my Nan said she used me as her slave, after an eating disorder and suicide attempt I left home at 18 and finally felt free.
So glad to have came across this article. My mom has been living with me for about five years. She has been depressed for years and has anxiety from hell and she barely leaves the house. But, she can totally fend for herself. her health besides the anxiety and depression is not too bad. she can still live a great life. She is 73. But she chooses just to slowly waste away and every day i get to see her wasting away and not doing a damn thing about it. I have tried everything possible to get her to get better. Drs, counselors, family meetings. Nothing makes this woman want to live life. I cannot take it anymore. watching her waste away is killing me. I am 48 and single and dating and I would love to meet someone and have a life with them but having to take care of my mom when she really can take care of herself is giving me anxiety that I have never have. And her negativity is beyond insane. Cant talk to her more than five minutes before i am so angry i have to walk away. She doesnt have much money to get her own place so trying to get her into senior living. I have finally said screw this, i have got to do what i need to do for myself. My health is starting to deteriorate because of the stress of dealing with her. and i love her so damn much. we used to be the best of friends. and i miss the person she used to be. I want my mom back but she doesnt want to fight for her life back and it makes me angry cause that makes me feel she doesnt want to fight for a longer healthier life with me and her grandchildren and her son. They dont see the stress we have on the care giving end of it. I am glad i am not alone on this and i truly feel for all of you.
Ditto for every emotion expressed here. My mother undermined and controlled me my entire life. I was also an only child and a daughter and after 20 years as a single parent of 4 , now handcuffed to my nearly 95 year old mother. My mother did a 180 at 93, suddenly telling me how wonderful I am and how much she loves me after abusing me to such a degree it set a blueprint for unhealthy relationships for life. She lives an hour away in her own home, a request written in the estate plan , and my life has been hell trying to fulfill her wishes. Three round the clock caregivers drive me insane and are draining the trust set up for me and eventually my four children . There is no end to the maintenance of her home and estate. I have finally set some boundaries and plan to be away a good portion of this summer. She has dementia , is in diapers and at 65 I am running out of time to live my own life. No one should be burdened like this.
I was so angry and desperate for more than two weeks, that I tried google to find answers and am so glad I found this page. Like several of the experiences here, I have, by sheer default, ended up as a caregiver for my mother. I am fifty-five today and she moved in to my home when I was 41. I have not had any chance to live my life at all and have taken the entire brunt of my parents failed marriage. She moved in after she separated from my father.
Everytime my brother comes over we end up talking how we should move out, or I should where she say that she is fine but then she switches in to guit mode saying that she always thought I would take care of her.
I feel so empty and numb for the past 6/7 years. I went to a therapist couple of times. The first, she had a conversation with, Like I am a baby or suffering from extream mental illnes. The second one, she went trough my papers and found a note of the doctor. She was crying and pissed at my that I shamed her infront of my doctor. I stoped going to therapy.
It is not about the money to me, it is about a life. I watch my parents pay strangers to do what I do for them for free. I dont hate them for that, it is Up to God to make others pay their dues. I have more than paid my dues. My siblings want to act like I do nothing, same as my parents, for they will fear that they will have to pay me the way they pay others. 3 hours dont go by where I dont have to do something for them . To ensure that I am not taken for granted, I take pictures &record .
I could never have someone help me to the point that they have no more dreams left. I mostly help my mother, but that is the same thing as helping my father and siblings. because I have to do work that my siblings or father will not do for my mother .
why is One life more important than another.
THERE IS ELDER ABUSE..but there is also ELDERS WHO ABUSE .
these type of elders dont want to go to a home , they dont want to spend their own money, they also know what will happen in a home, because they can not Abuse a Nurse the way Elders are Allowed to Abuse their Own Blood
My parents dont want to bother the other siblings , they dont want to look like a burden, so they Use One and then Gaslight me to make it look like Im crazy, when I am basically doing 20 different jobs a day
I just dont see a life for myself anymore, congratulations, I was Born , I lived so that I could take care of 2 people. even though I care for 1 parent, the other parent profits by never caring for his wife and he has all his time as a bachelor.
I do not hate the people, I hate being used
what am I supposed to do, just go along my merry way and get calls cus she got hit, or get a call cus they are in the hospital cus they burnt down a house or fell down and broke bones or a neck
Hi Annie: I think we can always change. No matter what age you are. You are doing an incredibly hard job. A job no one prepared us for. I do believe some of us are hardwired to care more than others. You might find some help by checking in with a local caregiving group or socialworker. You could get some ideas on how to handle this so you can feel better yourself. Thanks for leaving a comment.
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